You know you work in the Medical field when

[goldz28]

This is kinda long but funny, and most of you know I work in a ER so this fits for me.... Enjoy

The front of your scrubs read: 'Nurses...here to save your ass, not kiss it!'

You occasionally park in the space with the 'Physicians Only' sign, and knock it over.

You've ever told a patient to 'move toward the light.'

You believe that all the patient needs is some vitamin A (Ativan)

You've ever run out of linens, syringes, IV fluid, meds, and patience, all at the same time

You believe some patients are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

You do the "only-27-more-minutes-of-the-shift-from-hell happy dance".

You always follow the rules, but are wise enough to forget them sometimes.

You believe any family member who is more drunk (or more stupid) than the patient, is the real problem.

You can't cure stupid.

You believe, if it's wet and sticky and not yours, leave it alone!

You believe, just because someone's license date is before yours does not mean they know what they are doing.

You have seen more moons than the Hubble telescope.

To you the phrase, "divide and conquer" means getting two coworkers to help you change the bedsore dressing in the crack of a 400-pound patient.

You ever, secretly, wanted to mix crazy glue into the lube while inserting a foley on a patient that has pulled out three
catheters on your shift while restrained.

You own at least three pens with the names of prescription medications on them.

You never get into an argument with an idiot, because they only bring you down to their level and then beat you with experience.

You ever had a patient die shortly after saying, 'Hey, watch this'.

You ever wished that they would make corrugated catheters to use on really annoying patients.

You no longer have a gag reflex.

You hope there's a special place in Hell for the inventor of the call light (& the cell phones we use on shift).

You believe not all patients are annoying; some are dead.

You believe the definition of stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.

You think pizza, cookies, and coke make a balanced meal.

You tell cops where to go without fear!

You can only tell time with a 24-hour clock

You've ever thought, 'Patients, God love 'em, because today, I sure don't!'

You believe that saying, 'It can't get any worse' causes it to get worse just to show you it can.

You wash your hands before you go to the bathroom.

You call some of your coworkers 'Flowers in the Field of Medicine' because they're bloomin' idiots.

You've ever used the acronym F.T.D. (Fixin' to Die) or L.T.B.B (Lucky To Be Breathing).

You've ever thought a blood pressure cuff as an excellent Christmas gift.

You've ever spent more money on a stethoscope than on a car payment.

You notice that you use more four-letter words now than before you became a nurse.

You think it is acceptable to use "penis" and "vagina" in a normal conversation.

You look in your closet and can't find anything non-medical to wear.

You believe any job where you can drive to work in pajamas is a cool job.

Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong and if nothing has gone wrong, you've obviously don't understand the situation.

Everyone gets treated exactly the same---until they PISS YOU OFF!

The ER is a mixture of can do, can't do, and why the hell not!

You can identify the following Syndromes: F.O.L. (Full Of Liquor) A.D.A.S.T.W. (Arrived Dead And Stayed That Way) W.O.T.A.M. (Waste of Time & Money)

You consider tongue depressors and emesis basins as eating utensils.

You have placed your irritating patients/family members on P.I.T.A. (Pain In The ASS) precautions!

Ever referred to KY jelly as "Goober Grease".

You know it's a full moon without having to look at the sky.

You have ever referred to a patient as "genetically challenged".

You've developed a crease between your brows from trying NOT to inhale the various human secretions you've encountered over the years.

Eating microwave popcorn out of a clean bedpan is perfectly natural.

You've been exposed to so many x-rays that you consider it a form of birth control.

Your bladder can expand to the same size as a Winnebago's water tank.

You've ever held a 14-gauge needle over someone's vein and said, "Now your going to feel a little stick".

You refer to motorcyclists as organ donors.

You've ever had a patient with a nose ring, a brow ring and twelve earrings say, "I'm afraid of shots".

You stare at someone in utter disbelief when they actually cover their mouth to cough.

You automatically multiply by three the number of drinks a patient claims to have daily.

You can keep a straight face when a patient responds, "Just two beers".

You develop Carpal Tunnel Syndrome from constantly locking and unlocking the Narcotic Cabinet.

Your idea of a meal break is finishing your coffee before it gets cold (I'm trying to remember the last
time...)

You think "awake and stupid" is an appropriate choice for mental status.

You've ever bet on someone's blood alcohol level.

Discussing dismemberment over a meal seems perfectly normal.

You believe in the aerial spraying of Prozac.

You believe the government should require a permit to reproduce.

You believe the 'On-call Nurse' program is a satanic plot.

You believe unspeakable evils will befall you if the word 'quiet' is uttered.

You believe every waiting room should have a Valium salt lick.

You believe you have patients who are demonically possessed.

You believe waiting room time should be in proportion to the length of time from symptom onset (You've had
pain for 3 weeks...have a seat, we'll get to you in 3 days).

You refer to vegetable and you don't mean the food group.

You know the local detox center number by heart

You believe the lab should have a 'dumb shit' profile on the lab requisition slip.

You firmly believe that 'too stupid to live' should be a diagnosis.

You have to leave the patient before you begin to laugh uncontrollably.

You believe a book entitled 'Suicide: Getting it Right the First Time' will be your next project.

You find humor in other people's stupidity.

Your idea of fine dining is sitting down to eat.

You believe a good tape job will fix anything.

You get an almost irresistible urge to stand and wolf down your food, even in the nicest restaurants.

Your idea of a good time is a Code Blue at shift change.

You don't believe 90% of what you're told, and 75% of what you see.

You have your weekends off planned a year in advance.

You feel that most suicide attempts should be given a free subscription to "Guns and Ammo" magazine.

You've ever had a patient look you dead in the eye and say, "I don't know how that got stuck in there".

You have ever restrained someone...and it wasn't a sexual experience.

Your feet are slightly fatter and tougher than Fred Flintstone's.

Your immune system is so well developed that it has been known to attack and kill squirrels in the backyard.

You have recurrent nightmares of being hit and run over by the portable x-ray machine.

[Rally Sport]

Discussing dismemberment over a meal seems perfectly normal.

Man that must be something..

[92zcamaroperson]

Thats some funny stuff. I really like the suicide book one.

[kahjdh]

wow, hospital staff are really pissed off people.

[92zcamaroperson]

Originally Posted by kahjdh

wow, hospital staff are really pissed off people.

lol

[1986Z28]

Originally Posted by goldz28

Your immune system is so well developed that it has been known to attack and kill squirrels in the backyard.

LOL!!! thats the best

[philly rs]

hell we have reason to be so pissed, i wish u people could see the shit we go through. i like the one about the patient saying i drink 3 beers a week, a guy yesterday told us he has 2 a day, we were in the break room later on saying yeah thats a six pack a day lol. and today i went to a gi confrence and i sware i got 9 pens from the reps that wer there with nothing but drug names on them...but hey they are nice as hell! i 4got u worked in the er gold.....your a good one, the o.r. isnt as bad but we have our moments too.

[z28 boy]

I did my rotations in the E.R and some in the O.R., man i loved it, it was so fast paced.

[philly rs]

yeah it is...no im chillen in the endoscopy dept. life is good there, but the people still make u wanna choke them out. i wouldnt piss off the people who are about to stick a scope up your ass or down your throat

[z28 boy]

Originally Posted by philly rs

i wouldnt piss off the people who are about to stick a scope up your ass or down your throat

This is true..LOL or might leave u lookin like this

[goldz28]

Originally Posted by philly rs

yeah it is...no im chillen in the endoscopy dept. life is good there, but the people still make u wanna choke them out. i wouldnt piss off the people who are about to stick a scope up your ass or down your throat

I did not know you worked in an OR. Thats great, how long have you been doing that? I have only been in the ED for 3 years in Dec. I started out as a Ward Clerk but we do alot more than that since we are a smaller ED, 6 beds. I got my EMT I so now I can start IVs and stuff.


Jeremy

[philly rs]

yeah man i've been a surg tech since july, i graduated from school this summer. i now work at the moffitt cancer and research center here in tampa. i spend alot of my time in the o.r.

[goldz28]

Originally Posted by philly rs

yeah man i've been a surg tech since july, i graduated from school this summer. i now work at the moffitt cancer and research center here in tampa. i spend alot of my time in the o.r.

Very cool, good luck with it.
I have never been in the or but we have a small or here two unit or. I think the ED is better. lol

[Savage Messiah]

"Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong and if nothing has gone wrong, you've obviously don't understand the situation"


That one applies to cars too...

"You believe a good tape job will fix anything." and so does that hahaha