Outdoing Tonio

[-Josh-]

If you're offended by any of these....tough shit..

A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me." She replies, "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 221." i:

One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing his wife's arm. The wife turns over and says "I'm sorry honey. I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh." The husband, rejected, turns over. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"

Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own. One day a few weeks later, Bill came home and his wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong. "What's wrong, Bill?" she asked. "Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my p...s into the pickle slicer?" "Oh, Bill, you didn't!" she exclaimed. "Yes, I did." he replied. "My God, Bill, what happened?" "I got fired." "No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?" "Oh...she got fired too."

A couple had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together." "I know," the old man said. "We were probably sitting here naked as a jaybird fifty years ago." "Well," Granny snickered. "Let's relive some old times." Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table. "You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago." I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal."

[Jet-Lee]

2nd one got me.
3rd is a Blue Collar ripoff
4th is old.

[freakray]

Originally Posted by Jet-Lee

3rd is a Blue Collar ripoff

3rd is ripped off by Blue Collar....it's old.

[fredjacksonsan]

And as far as the thread title....oudoing Tonio....well, you have failed. NO ONE'S jokes are as bad as Tonio's

[crayzayjay]

I think my grandmother told me these same jokes a decade or so ago.

[fredjacksonsan]

Originally Posted by crayzayjay

I think my grandmother told me these same jokes a decade or so ago.

...and her grandmother before her. These are NOT new jokes.

[-Josh-]

So i lost this time...i'll be back...oh yes....

[fredjacksonsan]

Originally Posted by -Josh-

So i lost this time...i'll be back...oh yes....

[Damien]

Whats bad is, those are decent jokes. SOmething to laugh at if you never heard them. You must understand the art of Tonio's jokes and the terribleness of them!

[craigcully]

The second one was by far the best.

On the whole, they do not outdo Tonio's, IMO.