Felix and Oscar wash their cars...

[kris]

Felix and Oscar wash their cars...

Two guys -- let's call them Felix and Oscar, for no particular reason -- are washing their cars today. Let's see how each approaches the project:

A) a container.

Felix: Worried that a plastic or metal bucket might harbor impurities, he commissions a friend that does glass-blowing to fabricate a deep, thick-wall bowl, which he sterilizes before use.

Oscar: Finds a discarded toilet in neighbor's trash, tips it over to empty out the cigar butts and beer cans, but fails to dislodge the headless 'action figure' jammed in the trap.

B) cleaning fluid

Felix: Carefully melts one full bar of women's soap for sensitive skin, adds in 4 drops of extra-virgin olive oil for lubrication, and a tablespoon of glycerin.

Oscar: Nothing on the basement shelf, which is on the floor now anyway, so he roots around in the kitchen wastebasket for the dregs of what's in nearly empty bottles. Finds a wee bit of Mr. Clean, some floor-wax stripper, Massengill and Liquid Plumber; mixes them together.

C) washing cloth, or alternatives

Felix: Opens carton mailed in from spongesoftheworld.com, which is filled with _only_ the fine-grained Indian Ocean sponges. Each will only be used once, then discarded.

Oscar: Overheard recently in a bar that diapers are good for washing cars; didn't hang around enough to find out that they did _not_ mean soiled ones from the pail.

D) hose

Felix: Bought one "just like the F1 teams use", according to the boutique car-accessory catalog; nine layers, genuine natural rubber and Chinese silk. Burstproof, and cannot scratch the car. Available in your choice of Ferrari or Benneton colors.

Oscar: Calls 911 and reports a car fire. When fire truck arrives, asks "Hey, can I borrow that hose for a few minutes"?

E) detailing:

Felix: Inspects an entire box of Q-tips under microscope, and combs out any loose strands for trimming.

Oscar: Finally caught that mouse; indeed, the mousetrap makes a convenient handle.

F) location:

Felix: Rents a local body shop's paint booth, for a dust free environment with plenty of light. Plays soothing Andean music and lights an Aromatherapy candle called "Catatonic Calm".

Oscar: Parks car on shoulder of freeway ramp, right where smoke-belching semis are merging. Passes gas continuously from burger-joint lunch, which overpowers the smell of the exhaust. Turns on radio to first station he finds -- Navy Marching Band's tribute to Metallica -- and sets volume at "10", which mercifully blows the speakers before the battery is completely dead.

(feel free to add to this, just do it without three word responses please)

[Moppie]

Technique:

Felix: Practices for hours on a blank wall making sure he gets the perfect swirl motion in order to remove all the dirt. Changes the water in the Glass Bowl after washing exactly 1m2 of car panel.

Oscar: Can't even spell Technique.