Engineers...

[tonioseven]

Understanding Engineers - Take One

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday
minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike.
She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said,
"Take what you want."

The first engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes
probably wouldn't have fit."


Understanding Engineers - Take Two

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass
is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs
to be.


Understanding Engineers - Take Three

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with
these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor
chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!" The
pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word
with him." "Hi George! Say, what's with that group ahead of us?
They're rather slow, aren't they?" The greens keeper replied, "Oh,
yes, that's a group of blind golfers. We always let them play for
free anytime." The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said,
"That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.
"The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my
ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for
them." The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

Understanding Engineers - Take Four

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil
Engineers? Mechanical Engineers build weapons. Civil Engineers build
targets.

Understanding Engineers - Take Five

The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The
graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The
graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The
graduate with an Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

Understanding Engineers - Take Six

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the
possible designers of the human body.

One said, "It was a mechanical engineer." Just look at all the
joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The
nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." The
last one aid, "Actually it must have been a civil engineer. Who else
would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

[jswillmon]

Take 5 is my favorite
but all of them are great!

[YogsVR4]

great stuff

[Damien]

And Tonio proves his genius once again.


I like Take 4 personally but the first is classic

[Cyprus106]

5 is great. My best friend's fiance is trying to get a college theater degree and I used that against her... oh shit that reminds me!! Holy new post batman!

[drewh4386]

I liked them all.

[mysatilac]

Take 2 is awesome!
Take 3 is a good example of engineering know how,

I love being an engineer!
ok in school to be one...

[clawhammer]

6 was my favorite

[2strokebloke]

Take 2 is definately a good one.

[Porsche]

Used to be Mechanical, now Civil, still got a good 3 years to go... heard all of those before, but I love em all.

[Suislide]

2 engineers and 2 accountants are in line to buy tickets for a train. the accountants buy one each, but observe the 2 engineers only buying one ticket between them.

"why did you only buy one ticket?" asked one accountant. "there's clearly 2 of you. you'll get caught."

"wait and see" said the engineers.

as they boarded the train, the accountants took their seats, while the 2 engineers crammed themselves into the bathroom. as the ticket collector came around, the accountants handed him their tickets and observed as the collector knocked on the door to the bathroom and said "tickets please". the accountants saw one single ticket slide out under the door, and the collector carried on.


the accountants were amazed by the ingenuity of this, and on the return trip they decided to try it as well. they bought one ticket between them, but when the engineers went through, they bought no tickets at all.

"NOW what are you going to do?" asked one accountant. "you have no tickets at all!"

"wait and see" said the engineers.

so as they boarded the train, the accountants quickly squeezed themselves into the bathroom and waited.

one engineer took a seat, while the other one walked up to the bathroom, knocked on the door and said "tickets please"

[Toksin]

Take 4, and Brian's one for the win!

Hopefully I get in to Mechanical Eng. :/

[Sean]

No, I'm not an engineering student but just read another engineer joke thread on a different forum.

__________________________________________________ ________

One day a group of engineers got together and decided that man had come a long way and no longer needed God. They picked one engineer to go and tell Him that they were done with Him. The engineer walked up to God and said, "God, we've decided that we no longer need you. We're to the point that we can clone people and do many miraculous things, so why don't you just go on and get lost."

God listened patiently to the man and after the engineer was done talking, God said, "Very well! How about this? Let's have a man-making contest."

The man replied, "Okay, great!"

But God added, "Now we're going to do this just like I did back in the old days with Adam."

The engineers said, "Sure, no problem." He bent down and grabbed himself a handful of dirt.
God just looked at him and said, "No, no, no, Go get your own dirt!"

__________________________________________________ ________

Five surgeons were taking a coffee break. The first surgeon said, "Accountants are the best to operate on because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."

The second surgeon said, "Nah, librarians are the best. Everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

The third surgeon responded, "Try electricians, man! Everything inside them is color coded."

Then the fourth doctor interceded, "I prefer lawyers. They're heartless, spineless, gutless and their heads and their butts are interchangeable."

To which the fifth surgeon, who had been quietly listening to the conversation, replied, "I like engineers. They always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end."

__________________________________________________ ________

An architect, an artist, and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.

The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.

The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like both."

"Both?" asked the architect and artist in unison.

The engineer replied, "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume that you are spending time with the other woman, so you can go to the office and get some work done."

__________________________________________________ ________

A guy was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The guy took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to his pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the guy took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I have told you that I'm a beautiful princess, and that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The guy said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend. But, a talking frog is cool."

__________________________________________________ ________

A physician, a civil engineer, and a computer scientist were arguing about what was the oldest profession in the world.

The physician remarked, "Well, in the Bible, it says that God created Eve from a rib taken out of Adam. This clearly required surgery, and so I can rightly claim that mine is the oldest profession in the world."

The civil engineer interrupted, and said, "But even earlier in the book of Genesis, it states that God created the order of the heavens and the earth from out of the chaos. This was the first and certainly the most spectacular application of civil engineering. Therefore, fair doctor, you are wrong: mine is the oldest profession in the world."

The computer scientist leaned back in her chair, smiled, and then said confidently, "Ah, but who do you think created the chaos?"

__________________________________________________ ________

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Department person asked the young engineer, fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?"

The engineer replied, "In the neighborhood of $75,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."

The HR person said, "Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks of vacation, fourteen paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years - say, a red Corvette?"

The engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?"

And, the Human Resources person said, "Of course, but you started it."

[eversio11]

take 6 was great