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Originally Posted by sfontain
You say it "dies immediately" after jumpstarting but you need to explain this further. Does it die 2 seconds after you start it? Or only right after the jumper cables are removed? If the latter then it sounds like an alternator problem. The lights can still work with alternator or battery failure--it takes a lot of electricity to run the starter.
What exactly is the noise that the anti-theft system makes?
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These are good questions. In addition, check to make sure the battery cables are clean and tight. Dirty and/or loose battery cables can pass enough current to light lights, but not enough to start the car or keep it running. If you try to start the car with the lights on, what do the lights do? If they go out completely, I would suspect cables. If they dim significantly, then you might have a bad battery.
-Rod