An open letter to global warming

[SeXy_AnGeL]

Dear Global Warming,

I know I'm not supposed to like you. I've heard about your grandiose plans to melt the polar icecaps and flood coastal cities, your aspirations to destabilize global weather patterns and throw fragile ecosystems into upheaval, and your desire to have all of us, by the year 2070, living inside geodesic domes, whence we will gaze wistfully out at moribund deserts and dream of greener times. I know everyone says you're bad, but damn it, I don't care, because after six straight days of minus-25-degree weather I'm ready to throw myself into your arms.

Being a man-made ecological phenomenon, you might have some difficulty in commiserating with my plight. You've never had to walk to get groceries with the skin of your face threatening to crack like old plaster because the only sound your car made when you tried to start it was the dry death rattle of an engine that refused to turn over. You've never had to shovel out a driveway while being lashed by blowing snow, with your teeth clattering together in uncontrollable Morse code, while your mind is preoccupied with the concern that your numb ears might have already succumbed to frostbite, and that they could be turning purple in preparation of detaching from your head altogether. If you had suffered through these things, you would not doubt my sincerity. This cold snap has turned me into a half-mad combination of Faust and Sam McGee; I'm willing to do whatever it takes.

I'll start burning coal in my wood stove. I'll buy the most inefficient SUV that Detroit has the gall to put on the market. Whenever a friend says something like "There's not much snow anymore, not like when we were kids" or the topic of climate change comes up, I'll cite with authority one of the studies sponsored by Exxon that claim you don't exist. So, please, let me join you over on the dark side. After all, there's nothing (figuratively) cool about hypothermia, and the prospects of more arable land in the Arctic and balmy weather all year long sounds pretty good to me.

Sincerely,
Mike Ward

P.S. Please disregard my letter from last July's heat wave. I was only joking.

[dugie6551]

[-Josh-]

[240NIZ]

Frosty's gonna die????

[Cyprus106]

Rofl!!!

[Ace$nyper]

hehehe

[SniperX13]

the only problem with Global Warming, is the heat robbing power from my engine!

[honda_racing101]

NOOOOOOOOOOO SAVE FROSTY lol

[RickwithaTbird]

I read an article that said some good things about global warming. It said that there were a lot of things going on with Earth right now, that global warming may actually be good for. cant remember it though.

I say we just nuke the whole planet and commit a record mass suicide to end every species on earth including ourselves, because we don't have very much of a future anymore.

[dugie6551]

Originally Posted by RickwithaTbird

... I say we just nuke the whole planet and commit a record mass suicide to end every species on earth including ourselves, because we don't have very much of a future anymore.

Wait a little bit .. I think George W. will make your dream come true !!!

[Gotti]

Global warming is bullshit, made up by greenpeace

You can look at the history of the world, and temperatures have always fluctuated. Like when the ice age happened, was that because of polution or people? No! The weather happens in cycles, and i'm sure we'll have another ice age in the far away future. Global warming is just bullshit to try to get you to not pollute so much, but the worlds temperatures have always fluctuated

[travis712]

Originally Posted by Gotti

Global warming is bullshit, made up by greenpeace

You can look at the history of the world, and temperatures have always fluctuated. Like when the ice age happened, was that because of polution or people? No! The weather happens in cycles, and i'm sure we'll have another ice age in the far away future. Global warming is just bullshit to try to get you to not pollute so much, but the worlds temperatures have always fluctuated

Thats a good way to look at it, stupid tree huggers.

[YogsVR4]

I blame global warming on the Sun.


Damn thing.

[RickwithaTbird]

Originally Posted by YogsVR4

I blame global warming on the Sun.


Damn thing.

you sound like my dad.

[integra818]

Originally Posted by YogsVR4

I blame global warming on the Sun.


Damn thing.

This quote and your avatar are a perfect match!!!