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| COMPLETELY off-topic Talk about anything other than cars. But you can't be mad and angry in this forum! |
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#1
02-10-2005, 09:32 PM
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Sex, sex and more sex...
Two men were talking. So, how's your sex life?"
"Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex." "Social Security sex?" "Yeah, you know: I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Loud Sex: A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big problem, doctor. Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this ear splitting yell." "My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I don't see what the problem is." "The problem is," she complained, "It wakes me up!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Quiet SEX: Tired of a listless sex life, the man came right out and asked his wife during a recent lovemaking session, "How come you never tell me when you have an orgasm?" She glanced at him casually and replied, "You're never home!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ConfoundedSEX A man was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled and torn from his body. His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't cover the surgery since it was considered cosmetic. The doctor said the cost would be $3,500 for "small, $6,500 for "medium, $14,000 for "large." The man was sure he would want a medium or large, but urged him to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision. The man called his wife on the phone and explained their options. The doctor came back into the room, and found the man looking dejected. "Well, what have the two of you decided?" asked the doctor. The man answered, "She'd rather remodel the k itchen". ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Wedding Anniversary SEX A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary. The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: 'Here Lies My Wife -Cold As Ever'." "Yeah," she replies, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.'" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Women's Humor My husband came home with a tube of K Y jelly and said, "This will make you happy tonight." He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ One night an 87 yr old woman came home from Bingo to find her 92 yr old husband in bed with another woman. She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor assisted living apartment...killing him instantly. Brought before the court on charge of murder, the judge asked her if she had anything to say in her defense. She began coolly, Yes, your honor, I figured that at 92, if he could have sex... then he could also fly.
__________________
http://public.fotki.com/tonioseven/ 
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#6
02-10-2005, 11:02 PM
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Re: Sex, sex and more sex...
 More good shit.
__________________
 Proud member of DAMM: Drunks Against Mad Mothers Quote:
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#7
02-10-2005, 11:25 PM
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__________________
For a long time it gave me nightmares... witnessing an injustice like that... it's a constant reminder of just how unfair this world can be... I can still hear them taunting him....... silly rabbit, tricks are for kids... I mean, WHY COULDN'T THEY JUST GIVE HIM SOME CEREAL? Quote:
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#8
02-10-2005, 11:33 PM
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Re: Sex, sex and more sex...
Remodeling the kitchen was the best
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#10
02-11-2005, 01:12 AM
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Re: Re: Sex, sex and more sex...
Quote:
damn, I must've missed that thread... 
__________________
 SoStAsSaId: and the flight attendant is cute... if i was a lesbian, i'd join the mile high club  <---call this number
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#11
02-11-2005, 04:55 AM
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Re: Sex, sex and more sex...
Awesome
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#12
02-11-2005, 08:25 AM
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Re: Sex, sex and more sex...
Must...find...awful...jokes...I'm...slipping...:ic on16:
__________________
http://public.fotki.com/tonioseven/
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#13
02-11-2005, 12:56 PM
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Re: Sex, sex and more sex...
Good stuff! (for once)
__________________
Ours: 2020 Jeep Wrangler 2.0, 53k 2013 Toyota FJ Cruiser, 84k Kids: 2005 Honda CRV, 228k
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#14
02-12-2005, 07:50 PM
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Re: Re: Sex, sex and more sex...
Quote:
good stuff 
__________________
2000 BMW 323IT 1954 Ford F100 With every post my penis grows smaller Yakima Valley Truck Club Yakima Washington
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#15
02-12-2005, 09:40 PM
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 Now that is some funny shit. Keep 'em coming.
__________________
The distance between insanity and genius is measured only by success. 
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