Guess what's inside!!

[tonioseven]

The butcher

A man walked in to his local butcher to find his regular butcher, John absent so he asks the manager, "Where's John?" The manager tells the man that John was fired because he was found sticking his dick in the meat slicer" Then the man asked, "Where is the meat slicer now?" The butcher then replied, "I fired her too."




All You Can Drink

A man walks into a bar, sits down on a bench and orders a cold one. He swigs down the beer, looks in his pocket, cringes and orders another. He gulps down that one, looks in his pocket again, cringes and orders yet another one. This goes on for at least an hour and a half.
Finally the bartender, bursting with curiousity, says, "I know it's none of my business buddy, but I have to ask. Why the whole "drink, look in pocket, cringe and order another one" routine?"
"Well," slurred the man, "There's a picture of my wife in my pocket. When she starts to look good, then it's time for me to go home."






A Definite Definition

A teacher decides that she is going to teach her second grade class a new word today. She tells them that the word is "definitely" and its meaning is "absolute, positive, without a doubt."
She asks the class if anyone can think of a sentence with the word in it. She calls on little Susan who is in the back raising her hand, quite sure of herself.
Susan stands up and says, "The sky is definitely blue."
The teacher replies to her, "Well, that's a good sentence but sometimes the sky is gray, and sometimes its cloudy, and sometimes its red and pink so the sky is not definitely blue. Anyone else?"
Tom's hand flies up and she calls on him.
Tom answers, "The water is definitely clear."
"Well, Tom that's a good sentence but sometimes the water is muddy, and sometimes it's green, and sometimes it's full of seaweed so it's not definitely clear. Anyone else?"
Finally, in the far corner, little Robert slowly raises his hand.
"Yes, Robert?" asks the teacher.
"Can I ask a question, teacher?" Robert replies.
"Yes."
"Do farts have lumps?"
"No. Why do you ask."
"Well, then I've definitely pooped in my pants."




Two Blondes and a Lake

There were two blondes, one was on one side of the lake and one was on the other. One blonde yelled to the other, "How do I get to the other side?" The other blonde yelled back, "You're already on the other side!"

[PeanutM&MsRgood4u]

How bout this:
One day a magical frog was hopping through the forest. Now this forest is HUGE, so huge in fact that this frog had never seen another animal once in his entire life. Well, one day the frog is hopping along and he sees a bear chasing a rabbit, trying to eat it. So the frog says "Stop, you two are the first animals I have ever seen in my entire life. Since I am so happy to see another animal I will give BOTH of you 3 wishes." So the bear stops and kinda thinks for a second and says "Allright frog, I wish ALL the bears in the forest, except me, were beautiful, sexy, female bears in heat." The frog says "Done!" and all the other bears in the forest are suddenly turned into beautiful, sexy, female bears in heat. Just then the rabbit jumps in and says "I wish I had a helmet!" The frog says "Done!" and suddenly the rabbit has a helmet on. Now as soon as the bear sees this he thinks "what a stupid rabbit, he could have anything he wants and he asks for a helmet?" So the bear says "I wish ALL the bears in the next forest were beautiful, sexy, female bears in heat." The frog says "Done!" and all the bears in the next forest are suddenly turned into beautiful, sexy, female bears in heat. Then the rabbit says "I wish I had a motorcycle!" The frog says "Done!" and suddenly the rabbit is on a motorcycle. After hearing this the bear realizes the rabbit is compleatly retarded and says "I wish all the other bears in the entire WORLD were beautiful, sexy, female bears in heat." The frog says "Done!" and all the other bears in the entire world are turned into beautiful, sexy, female bears in heat. Then without missing a beat the rabbit says "I wish that bear was gay!" then immediatly takes off on his motorcycle at 100 mph.

[KaisenH]

hahahah that is a great joke m&m...hahhaha

[imtheoneandonlyD]

lmao, the bear joke was awesome

[ec437]

[Raz_Kaz]

Wouldn't he already be gay or lesbian since he did turn all the bears in the world into beautiful, sexy female bears in heat....including him(her)self?

[v10_viper]

Originally Posted by imtheoneandonlyD

lmao, the bear joke was awesome

I also heard it over 5 years ago....


























And I'd have to concur that it is a damn good one
Tonio's jokes were good too.

[Sean]

Originally Posted by Raz_Kaz

Wouldn't he already be gay or lesbian since he did turn all the bears in the world into beautiful, sexy female bears in heat....including him(her)self?

Good jokes tonio

[04BlackVitz]

Originally Posted by Raz_Kaz

Wouldn't he already be gay or lesbian since he did turn all the bears in the world into beautiful, sexy female bears in heat....including him(her)self?

Raz, you missed this part: "Allright frog, I wish ALL the bears in the forest, except me...."

good jokes, the both of you.

[RickwithaTbird]

Originally Posted by Raz_Kaz

Wouldn't he already be gay or lesbian since he did turn all the bears in the world into beautiful, sexy female bears in heat....including him(her)self?

no man, cuz the bear sais... all the other bears in the forest except me, into beautiful sexy.... blah blah....

But, if you had the chance, would you turn yourself and all the other humans on earth into beautiful sexy hot ass lesbians in heat (lol)?

[Raz_Kaz]

To the last 2, let me make it simple.
3 wishes, go readwhat all the threee wished from the bear say....

[RickwithaTbird]

Originally Posted by PeanutM&MsRgood4u

How bout this:
"Allright frog, I wish ALL the bears in the forest, except me, were beautiful, sexy, female bears in heat."

"I wish ALL the bears in the next forest were beautiful, sexy, female bears in heat."

"I wish all the other bears in the entire WORLD were beautiful, sexy, female bears in heat."

see, in his forest he sais "others, except me" ... in the other forests he says all.

[ec437]

yeah in the last one he says "world", but he also says "all the other bears".

[RickwithaTbird]

this is a totally mature debate. Its good to see that we are being grown ups about this instead of shouting about whether or not the bear is gay. I think AF is making some progress.

[ec437]

Originally Posted by RickwithaTbird

this is a totally mature debate. Its good to see that we are being grown ups about this instead of shouting about whether or not the bear is gay. I think AF is making some progress.

on the other hand, raz gotsa