Fanboy Racing 101

[Vip09]

This was posted by easy_C over at newcelica.org.

"I've been asked to post this as a sticky. Just a little something I came up with for us to reference in the various racing threads that are posted.

fanboy racer - (fan boy ray sir) - noun - A large portion of online car enthusiasts that are sub categorized usually by the car they own, their parents own, or they dream about with their supermarket/paper route paycheck.

These little creatures are a separate entity from the regular fanboy in the effect that make claims of actually racing in the car in question. They will troll various online enthusiast communities posting such things as "my _____ is mad phast, i whooped this _______ by several car lengths." In the event that the car in question is actually owned by them, and the race actually occured, there is often misconfusion on their part as to whether they beat the opponent with an equal driver, or the car was parked outside the local pizza place when they downshifted and zoomed by, almost taking out a telephone pole.

Even though these special little guys are separate from typical fanboy, they exhibit alot of the same characteristics. Here is a few typical signs of fanboyism at work:

Magazine Racing (Mag Racing for short) - Boy do these little guys love their magazines, especially when the results of their car come out in favor against the results of the opponent car in question. They almost always stick exactly to what the magazines say, because they know that every magazine has a professional driver who learns each individual car and pushes it to the max (regardless of any manufacturer contributions ). If, for some reason, their glorious automobile doesn't fair well in a magazines testing, they quickly turn their attention to the other signs of fanboyism.

Number Racing - Can often be blended with Mag Racing. This is almost always displayed in any given fanboy racers post in some form or another. The main argument is sheerly based off numbers. Common numbers that are used are Weight, Horsepower, and Torque. Remember, fanboys don't acknowledge what a powerband is. In fact, many ask if they can add a powerband to their car.

Denial - Not all fanboy racers initiate a slew of online posts by themselves. Sometimes, you can jumpstart them with a kill thread of your own! This is when denial occurs and fanboys typically use other aspects of racing that they previously ignore. You will see various things like "that guy couldn't drive", "he wasn't racing", etc, etc. After this, alot of knowledgable and respected posters on that particular forum will come together and proceed to own the silly fanboy racer. *** Please note: Owning also ensues with threads started by the fanboy as well.

But Mod for Mod... - This symptom seems to love to instill itself into the fanboy racers with turbo vehicles and the occasional domestic V8. After being properly owned, and before they start the Just Kidding approach, they use this as a "last resort." They feel manlier exhibiting their ability to distinguish that yes, turbo vehicles adapt better to mods than N/A. Even though this is a valid argument in most cases, its taken to be common knowledge with anyone having a greater intelligence than a peanut.

The Just Joking Approach - After the fanboy racer has been properly owned and/or runs out of arguments, they suddenly post various things babbling about how they were "just kidding" or that the post was "all in good fun." The more experienced fanboy racers will start posting these type of things well before they lose the thread. This is in an attempt to save what already little reputation they have and win back a tiny amount of credibility so that they may use it in their next senseless racing post.

Ultimately, fanboy racing is a disease just like its bigger counterpart, fanboyism. It infects the weak mind of impressionable people across the country. Any age can catch it, from young teenage boys to uneducated guys to mid life crisis men. It is highly contagious and is self reliant, often thriving off other fanboyism. The only real cure is maturity and education. Unfortunately for us educated tuners, we can only educate them. It often takes about 100 ownings or so before the fanboy will start to question the integrity of their chosen car. Usually, they will ditch that car and start a new fanboy life with another one, repeating the process all over again.

We really need everyone to help these little guys. Mothers, when your son comes home from bagging groceries all day and sits at the computer after popping several zits, participate in the experience with him and expose him to other types of vehicles. Try to level out his thinking and if need be, take him out in your caravan and find the car he likes so much, then beat it.

Fathers, show your son there is more to life than peak horsepower. Educate him on the workings of an engine and its not the peak torque that accelerates the car, but the powerband of torque.

And finally, the last resort, us. We need to continue to show these guys the facts. If the race actually occurs with an outcome in their favor, kindly and politely show them the difference between beating a driver and beating a car. If you come outside of CVS and find one revving at your car, do not be alarmed. Kindly get in your car and immediately turn the hazards on. This will hopefully cause the fanboy racer to become outraged at the thought of losing and consequently cause him to take his car off the N and put it on the D then smack into the light pole in front of him (because he forgot he was in a parking lot and not a track). Then you can drive away and he will accept his loss.

That is all...."

[Igovert500]

Amusing...a few names do come to mind...

[CassiesMan]

Winner...

[dampachi]

burntrice falls under all of those.

[MR2Driver]

Originally Posted by Vip09

The main argument is sheerly based off numbers. Common numbers that are used are Weight, Horsepower, and Torque. Remember, fanboys don't acknowledge what a powerband is. In fact, many ask if they can add a powerband to their car.

Classic!

[dampachi]

Lachean..where in MD do you live? I visited your site and I know I've seen that green integra on ritchie highway before.

[emokid15]

Funny Stuff

[civicHBsi91]

No shit you both live in MD? I frequented ritchie alot in summer and will again this summer after the rex comes back out.

[Thourun]

If you come outside of CVS and find one revving at your car, do not be alarmed. Kindly get in your car and immediately turn the hazards on. This will hopefully cause the fanboy racer to become outraged at the thought of losing and consequently cause him to take his car off the N and put it on the D then smack into the light pole in front of him (because he forgot he was in a parking lot and not a track). Then you can drive away and he will accept his loss.

I love this one, there are always riced out cars behind the local CVS doing their thing.

[dampachi]

civichb, I'm out there every friday and mostly saturday nights. check the car in my sig. You might see me out there.

[Underground_Killah]

that's some funny stuff vip.... keep it coming

[MR2Driver]

I go to school in Towson, but am from Silver Spring. If you've been to any of the Rockville area meets, thats where you saw me. I dont race much on the road...

[CivRacer95]

Fanboys...the next evolution of Ricer's . Late...

[PearlGT]

this really ignorant kid at school once asked me if he should add exhaust, hearders, intake, turbo kit, weight job and powerband to his car one time.

2 days later he brought a magazine to school and showed me the 'exhaust kit' he wanted to get (which was just a huge muffler for the back) and started talking about how RAW his car was going to be when he got it put in. The advertisement to the left of the picture said something like "see a drastic increase in horsepower through your powerband" and he pointed at those words and said "Yah I don't know if I want the exhaust kit to go through my powerband though"

Now I know why he didn't make any sense

[dampachi]

Weight job? Add a powerband? WTF?