Fun with Puns

[Sean]

1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The
stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion
allowed per passenger."



2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and
says, "Dam"!



3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the
craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have
your kayak and heat it too.



4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my electron." The
other says "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."



5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root
canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.



6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing
in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about
an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand
chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."



7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes
to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family
in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of
himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband
that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds,
"They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."



8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened
up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy
flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the
competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not.
He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the
rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in
town to persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their
store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified,
they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.



9. A scientist finally succeeded in cloning himself, but all his clone would do was hang around
and spew out cuss words. After a week of that, the scientist finally got fed up and pushed his clone
out of his 10th story office window.

A short time later there was a knock on his office door. The scientist opened the door
to find a policeman who said " I'm going to have to arrest you for making an obscene clone fall."



10. There was the person who sent ten different puns to
his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make
them laugh. Unfortunately no pun in ten did.



11. There were the Boll weevil brothers who lived on a farm. The one weevil decided to do something
with his life and went on to a performing arts school and
became a wealthy and accomplished actor. The other weevil just stayed on the farm and
did nothing with his life. He, of course, became known as the lesser of two weevils.


(And the best for last...)

12. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very
little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered
from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

[clawhammer]

They're corny, I think.

[jon@af]

Originally Posted by clawhammer

They're corny, I think.

you do realize that's the point...right?

[Toksin]

Last one is fucking GOLD!

[GritMaster]

I'm saving that last one!

Good stuff

[Suislide]

iam n laughing so dodamn hard right now...mayeb caue i'm frink? mayeah meraybe that's it.

wellrk, turrah!

[Jimster]

Originally Posted by Suislide

i'm frink

[Damien]

Oh man...I'm dying and my g/f's roomate is asleep.

Can't....breath...must...laugh.....

Brian didn't help

[crayzayjay]

Originally Posted by Toksin

Last one is fucking GOLD!

[ec437]

Originally Posted by Jimster

[RickwithaTbird]

dude, every single one of those were awesome. Wait.. the one about the weevils was kinda lame, but thats okay cuz the rest were awesome! that should be printed and put on a wall. That would be one punny poster!

okay so mine wasnt as good, but who cares!

[2Slow4U_Noob]

haha yes! Those were great. The last one rocked!