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#1
01-17-2005, 07:42 PM
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Court Transcripts
The following are sections taken from court transcripts which you
will find are very funny. From Real Court Records These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. _________________________________ Q: Are you sexually active? A: No, I just lie there. __________________________________ Q: What is your date of birth? A: July 15th. Q: What year? A: Every year. ______________________________________ Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ______________________________________ Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory? A: I forget. Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten? _____________________________________ Q: How old is your son, the one living with you? A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. Q: How long has he lived with you? A: Forty-five years. _____________________________________ Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning? A: He said, "Where am I, Doris?" Q: And why did that upset you? A: My name is Susan. ______________________________________ Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult? A: We both do. Q: Voodoo? A: We do. Q: You do? A: Yes, voodoo. ______________________________________ Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? A: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ___________________________________ Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he? _____________________________________ Q: Were you present when your picture was taken? ______________________________________ Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? A: Yes. Q: And what were you doing at that time? ______________________________________ Q: She had three children, right? A: Yes. Q: How many were boys? A: None. Q: Were there any girls? ______________________________________ Q: How was your first marriage terminated? A: By death. Q: And by whose death was it terminated? ______________________________________ Q: Can you describe the individual? A: He was about medium height and had a beard. Q: Was this a male or a female? ______________________________________ Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ______________________________________ Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people? A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. ______________________________________ Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? A: Oral. ______________________________________ Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time? A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy. ______________________________________ Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? ______________________________________ SAVED THE BEST FOR LAST!!!!!! Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? A: No. Q: Did you check for blood pressure? A: No. Q: Did you check for breathing? A: No. Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? A: No. Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor? A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and Practicing law somewhere
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#4
01-17-2005, 08:51 PM
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Re: Court Transcripts
beautiful...and lawyers wonder why the world hates them.
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 Proud member of DAMM: Drunks Against Mad Mothers Quote:
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#5
01-17-2005, 09:02 PM
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Re: Re: Court Transcripts
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#7
01-17-2005, 09:23 PM
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#8
01-18-2005, 12:34 AM
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Re: Court Transcripts
lol, funny, i also want that book.
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Pictures of the Truck
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#9
01-18-2005, 04:37 AM
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Re: Court Transcripts
Ancient, but very good
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#10
01-18-2005, 04:48 AM
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Re: Court Transcripts
Me likey!
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Beer tastes better upside down. Last edited by Sluttypatton on 13-54-2098 at 25:75 PM.
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#11
01-18-2005, 03:16 PM
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i wonder where i can find that book thats great stuff
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Goodbye civic Hello turbo outback goodbye outback Hello WRX
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#12
01-18-2005, 04:20 PM
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Re: Court Transcripts
roflmao!!! I've heard most of those before, but it's a refreshing romp. I hadn't heard the "Did you actually pass the bar?" one tho. that had me ROLLING.
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Hung by a halo or stabbed by horns, sad to say; they're both the same
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#13
01-18-2005, 06:40 PM
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Re: Court Transcripts
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but half of those arent that stupid they're just the lawyer trying to confuse the person they're asking
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#14
01-18-2005, 07:37 PM
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Re: Re: Court Transcripts
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~J. "ONLY YOU can prevent the spread of stupidity. USE A CONDOM!!!"
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#15
01-18-2005, 07:49 PM
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Re: Court Transcripts
The last one was truly the best
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