To my dearest wife

[-GS-]

During the past year, I have attempted to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of only once every 10 days. The following is a list of why I didn't succeed more often:

We will wake the kids - 54 times

It's too late - 15 times

I'm too tired - 42 times

It's too early - 12 times

It's too hot - 18 times

Pretending to be asleep - 31 times

The neighbors will hear - 9 times

Headache or backache - 26 times

Sunburn - 10 times

Your mother will hear us - 9 times

Not in the mood - 21 times

Watching the late show - 17 times

Too sore - 26 times

New hairdo - 6 times

Wrong time of the month - 14 times

You had to go to the bathroom - 19 times

Of the 36 times that I DID succeed, the result was not always satisfying because 6 times you just laid there, 8 times you reminded me that there was a crack in the ceiling, 4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with, 7 times I had to wake you up to tell you I was finished, and once I was afraid that I had hurt you because you started thrashing around and breathing heavy. Let's try to improve this, shall we??

Love, Your Hubby

-------------------------

To My Dearest Husband,

I think things are a little confused. Here are the REAL reasons you didn't get more than you did this past year:

Came home drunk and tried to screw the cat - 23 times

Did not come home at all - 36 times

Did not come - 21 times

Came too soon - 38 times

Went soft before you got it in - 19 times

Cramps in your leg - 16 times

Working too late - 33 times

You had a rash, probably from a toilet seat - 29 times

Caught yourself in your zipper - 15 times

You had a cold and your nose kept running - 21 times

You had burned your tongue on hot coffee - 9 times

You had a splinter in your finger - 11 times

You lost the notion after thinking about it - 42 times

Came in your pajamas after reading a dirty book - 16 times

The reason I laid still was because you had missed me and were screwing the sheet. You seemed to be having a good time and I didn't want to move and spoil it for you. I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling. What I said was, "Would you like me on my back or kneeling?" The time I was thrashing around and gasping was when you farted and I was fighting for air. Maybe you can work on your "shortcomings?"

Love, Your Wife

[clawhammer]

Heard it before.

[twospirits]

Still, its funny.

TS out

[Schister66]

I thought that was serious. If it was, then after his wife read it that same post next year would read:

I got laid......0 times

Reasons

365 times- didn't want to because you advertised to internet that you kept track of why we didn't have sex

Better luck next year!!

[imtheoneandonlyD]

yeah, if it was real tally for this yr would remain at 0. Just so he didnt make that mistake again.

[mospeed1]

funny

[YogsVR4]

That was a classic

[WickedNYCowboy]

Lmfao.

[KustmAce]

Originally Posted by -GS-

Wrong time of the month - 14 times

Thats all?

[primera man]

Old but still a good laugh

[Glennon]

lol, nice joke

[speediva]

Originally Posted by -GS-

The time I was thrashing around and gasping was when you farted and I was fighting for air.

Love, Your Wife

Dayum... no wonder he didn't get any... He dutch-ovened her!