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| COMPLETELY off-topic Talk about anything other than cars. But you can't be mad and angry in this forum! |
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#1
12-28-2004, 08:04 PM
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Haven't Done This In A While
JOKES!
If a man is talking in the woods and no woman hears him.............. is he still wrong? What's six inches long and two inches wide and drives women wild? Money. What do you call a 13 year old girl from Arkansas who can run faster than her older brother? A virgin. 80% of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe. Which sexual position produces the ugliest children? Ask your mother. Why do men snore when they lay on their backs? Because their balls fall over their assholes and they vapor lock. When is it time to slap a midget? When he says your wife's hair smells great. Frank goes into the doctor's office and has some tests run. The doctor comes back and says "Frank, I am not going to beat around the bush. You have AIDS." Frank is devastated. "Doc, what can I do?" The doctor says "I want you to go home and eat 5 pounds of spicy sausage, a head of cabbage, 20 un-peeled carrots drenched in hot sauce, 10 Jalapeno peppers, 40 walnuts and peanuts, 1/2 box of Grapenuts cereal, and top it off with a gallon of prune juice." Frank asks, "Will that cure me, Doc?" "No," replies the doctor, "but it will teach you what your ass is for." What do twisters and marriages have in common? In the beginning theres a lot of sucking and blowing and in the end someone loses a house. A man goes into a cafe and sits down. A waitress comes to take his order, and he asks her, "What's the special of the day?" "Chili," she says, "but the gentleman next to you got the last bowl." The man says he'll just have coffee, and the waitress goes to fetch it. As he waited, he noticed the man next to him was eating a full lunch and the bowl of chili remained uneaten. "Are you going to eat your chili?" he asked. "No, help yourself," replied his neighbor. The man picked up a spoon and eagerly began devouring the chili. When he got halfway through the bowl, he noticed the body of a dead mouse in the bottom of the bowl. Sickened, he puked the chili he had just eaten back into the bowl. The man sitting next to him says, "Yeah, that's as far as I got, too." A drunk guy walking out of a bar sees a nun and immediately punches her in the stomach. She falls down and as she tries to get up, the man kicks her down again. People who're passing by grab the guy who kicked her. As they drag him away, he turns around and replies with a sneer on his face: "You aren't so tough now are you, Batman" Boudreaux is sitting in his back porch one morning when Thibideaux comes by floating down the bayou with his pirouge(boat) filled up with crabgrass. "Hey, Thibideaux, where you goin wit all dat crabgrass?" "Oh, Boudreaux, I goin ta git me some crabs." Boudreaux just laughs and watches Thibideaux float off. Later that afternoon here comes Thibideaux with a pirouge full to the top with grade "A" crabs. "I'll be damned," Boudreaux whispers to himself. The next morning here come Thibideaux with his pirouge full of duct tape. "Now what da hell you gonna do wit all that duck tape?" Boudreaux hollas to Thibideaux. "I gonna git me some ducks," Thibideaux replies. "Now I know you crazy," Boudreaux laughs as Thibideaux floats on down the bayou. That evening Thibideaux comes back with a pirouge brimming with ducks of all kinds. Boudreaux can't believe his eyes, and just stares in amazement. The following morning here comes Thibideaux in his pirouge filled up with pussy willow branches. Boudreaux hollas "Hold up, Thibideaux, I'm coming with you!" A lady walks up to a checkout line at the grocery store and purchases the following things: 1 t.v. dinner 1 pint of ice cream 1 candy bar 1 bottle of water 1 bar of soap and 1 apple The check out guy looks at her and says, " So I take it your single!" " How'd you guess?" she replied. He looks at her again and says, " CAUSE YOUR FUCKIN' UGLY!" 
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#2
12-28-2004, 08:09 PM
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    he he yeah havent read jokes ina while
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#5
12-28-2004, 09:22 PM
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Those are pretty good. I have seen a variation of the last one on PUTC.
Here is the link: http://forums.pickuptruck.com/showfl...b=5&o=&fpart=1
__________________
Evan Support your local volunteer fire department =============== My Rides: 2003 Ford F-350 Long Horn Hauler Others: 1999 Toyota Camry LE V6-Dad 2004 Chevy Tahoe Z71-Sister 2004 Toyota Camry LE V6-Mom
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#6
12-28-2004, 10:04 PM
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Re: Haven't Done This In A While
haha i like the AIDS one.. thats hilarious
__________________
 Level of Completion in GT4: 98.8% What's left: Missions 23, 34 <--Too hard My Boring Blog http://prideisasin.blogspot.com/
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