Please help! 2000 Ford Taurus won't start!

[unicusk]

Please help! I really don't know anything about cars, so I'm thoroughly confused. My engine won't start. Last night I picked-up some groceries, came out 10 minutes later and turned the key and nothing happened. The indicator lights flashed on then faded out, and the "THEFT" light was going crazy. I tried jumping it but again, nothing. The inside light works, but not the headlights. I have no idea what to do. It's Sunday and nobody's open and my cars just sitting in the parking lot since yesterday. Anything I can try to get it home today w/o towing it? Thanks!