Not really racing but...

[CassiesMan]

This isn't really street racing, but I wanna run it by ya'll first, as I think you guys will like it. For one of my classes, we have to write creative fiction, with different styles and such. Recently, our assignment was to write a story while listening to just one song, and see how it inspired us, and see how our writting is affected by music. Mods, I'm sorry if this is in the wrong place, feel free to move it. I’m using Depsaw’s This Time for the song, so tell me if you like it. There is some street racing in it, so I guess it fits, and I think most of you will like it. So here it goes, and please, be kind, lol...

Change, By Robert

Unresolved situations escalate
Inside something brings me to push
To find out what you can take
When we run out of love and change seasons
With our lives together at stake
I'm aware of tears that I give when your near
And the confusion that I make

It was sad really, the fact that most of the people in the parking lot hated the Fast and the Furious series of movies, yet Ludacris’ Act a Fool was being blasted over all the other music. David Markson simply shrugged off the fact that the obscene rap, or as he liked to call it, shit, filled the air. He looked at the piece dé jure, a new yellow Mustang. People gathered around the brightly colored 2005 retromobile. But David stayed back, leaning against his car.

But Dave stood back. Life was not easy, and he wasn’t here to check out cars, to race, or to pick up ass. Sure, a number of the more tender gender had stopped by, admired his red Supra, and dropped their numbers in his pocket, but it wasn’t why he was at the races. No, he was here to think.

But what was there to think about? He had a hot girlfriend, president of his Fraternity, a bad ass car, and great friends. A great life. That’s what he had to think about. His life. His girlfriend was hot, yes, but was also rather, well, to be nice, insipid. It was a shame he loved the shit out of her, one of his female buddies had said. He was a smart kid, someone who was going to go somewhere in life, possibly law school, and she was a party girl. He looked at his watch, it was only 10:30, and he had money on the fact that Lauren was already passed out on his bed in his room at the house. Tomorrow was her birthday.

He wanted to take her out to a nice dinner, give her his present, a dress that had set him back nearly four hundred dollars, maybe take her to a movie, and then drop her off at her apartment, and head back to his house so he could get a decent night’s sleep. She probably wanted to get drunk, fuck, and pass out. The sad thing was that Dave knew for a fact it was exactly what would happen. Booze and boobs. That had been the promise when he rushed.

Then there was the adult situation. He had just gotten his fifth ticket in four years in the red Toyota. 95 in a 60, nothing like his several 100 plus numbers, but still not good. And of course insurance went up, and of course his parents found out about it. “Grow up,” they had told him. “You can’t spend your life tooling around in that damned car,” and “Damnit David, your better than that.” He wondered if they even knew that he had pulled off a 3.8 the past three semesters, and that he was near the top of his class at the small liberal arts college. No, they probably didn’t. They never remember when you succeed, but never forget when you fail. Thing would never change.

He sighed, realized that the party at his house was in full swing, and he was probably needed. He watched as the Mustang pulled out of the parking lot, having been challenged by a black Mitsubishi 3000GT. He didn’t stay to watch the race, but instead pulled out of the parking lot, and headed towards the highway. His window’s down and stereo off, he could hear the two cars behind him start revving. The cacophony of noise was the pre-battle battle, to see who could intimidate who. But he wasn’t interested. Instead, David let the noise slide into the background as he drove away from the race, windows up, and stereo turned on. The CD player blasted music from a mix disc he had made.

As he drove on, he all but tranced out. The song seemed to be perfect for his mood, something about it just fit. The lyrics felt like they were meant just for him. He never saw the headlights come up on him hard. It took a honk to grab his attention, and he looked over. It was the Mustang. He nodded at the driver, whose window was down. He heard the driver honk again, and by then understood what was going on. He nodded, and honked back.

The driver honked, once, twice, and on the third time, they punched it. The Supra seemed to slam David back as he downshifted into third, letting the aftermarket turbo grab power and air. He leapt forward about a car length on the Mustang. The motor screamed; a symphony of cylinders, the bravado of the blow off valve, the scream of six in line steel pieces pumping up and down at full throttle. Fourth gear, topping 115 miles per hour on the freeway, the Mustang starting to fall back. David smiled, pulling harder on the Yellow retro pony car. And then it was over at 120. David let off, allowing gravity to slow the car. The Ford caught up, and the driver gave Dave the thumbs up, then speed off. Dave let him go.

He pulled into the parking lot behind his house amid the stares of several people, looking to see what the hell was making the noise. Most of them drunk, David spotted one coming towards his car, a familiar face. He exited his vehicle, and closed the door. The alarm chirped happily as Lauren ran up to him, jumping into his arms. He had lost money to himself, she wasn’t drunk. “Wanna beer?” she asked, handing him the bottle. He took it, and took a long pull from the cold liquid, and then let his arm fall to his side, still holding the beer. “Where were ya?”

“Just out, looking for your present,” he said, offering her his signature smirk. “Whatdya wanna do tomorrow?”

She wrapped his arm around his waist, and they both started towards the fraternity house, loud rap piercing the air. “I dunno, maybe just a movie and dinner?” He smiled. Maybe things would change.

This time, I think you'll finally see
This time, I will not break
This time, I'm smart enough to know
There is only so much I'll take

[drdisque]

wow, no offense, but thats like the most pointless story I ever read. Why are things going to change? he won a race, what does that have to do with his life? Nothing happens in this story except for a really confusing race where nothing really happens with no tension or reason to care about it. C'mon make somebody crash or die or get dumped or have SOMETHING that someone might give a shit about. Also the artsy fartsy stuff at the beginning and end have nothing to do with the story, don't include it. also you tell us why he isn't in this parking lot, but you never tell us why he IS in this parking lot. Also, your fraternity stereotypes are lousy and you use too much bad slang like "retromobile" (which isn't even a word) and "tranced out".

My suggestion is to either trash this story and write about something real-life and with some real human interest or to make something real happen in the end, like he gets arrested or crashes or something other than hi-fives his girlfriend and everything's OK.

[CassiesMan]

Well, thanks for the criticism, I'll take it into account. Hoever, considering I am in a Fraternity, those stereotypes aren't really true. I dont know what they told you durring your rush, but in ours, that was pretty much it. Well, save for the house I joined.

Also, the 'Artsy Fartsy' stuff is the song I used. If you look at it, the purpose was to use a song for inspiration. That is the song. The wace was just suposed to be a release for him. Something that he does to make him feel better. ANd not every soty has to have an ending where someone dies or their life stays shitty.

Anyone else have anythign to say? I'll try not to get to offended.

[Underground_Killah]

wait.... that's kinda rushed out... did you read it all??!?

here's my opinion, take it or leave it, but from one writer to another, criticizm is the basis of living...

I like how you gave him this "perfect" life with his rich problems... which is basically all the frat guys in my college... but it's not believable... not one of us i believe really fit into the upper 1% of society that he envelopes. His girlfriend seems to be the party type, but give more background on them... 400 dollars on a dress? how long had they been dating... how many birthdays have they had? was he planning on marring her or was it just to pass the time? You say he loves her, but make it known from her perspective on how she feels, to even the playing field... it's too one sided..

the race was nice, short but sweet... the detail on the engine was nice, but also put into the matter his heartbeat was racing as well, because you make it seem like while he raced, he didn't feel anything.. and when you don't feel when your racing.... your fucking crazy.

build on it... give the charactors more features, and it seems like it'll become a good story.. i'd personally like to know how it ends.

[Underground_Killah]

on a side note..

i feel inspired to see how music affects my writing...

now i do like the lyrics to the song.. it does keep with the tone of the entire story... deep bro... deep.

[CassiesMan]

Thanks. I'm thinking of ending it like the way it ends, I'll try to build more on the characters a bit without going over the top (we were put on a three page restriction). I might also add another paragraph or two for the race. I was kinda rushed to get a rough draft out. I like the idea of more feeling from his persepective in the race. I'll toy around with it a little, see what I can get outa it.

[Underground_Killah]

well, i wasn't aware of 3 pages.. but try this out

1st page... Intro to charactors and some background with the race

2nd page... frustrations with girl, background on her, her feelings on him, etc
3rd page... the thoughts in his head as he's approaching her... and the fears he has of her never changing... with the song and all... and the resolution

[CassiesMan]

Thanks, I'll try that out, see how it works