Job Evaluations

[dugie6551]

For everyone who has ever had an evaluation - just remember, it could have been worse. These are actual quotes taken from Federal Government employee performance evaluations.

1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock-bottom and has started to dig."

2. "I would not allow this employee to breed."

3. "This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won't be."

4. "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."

5. "When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."

6. "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."

7. "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."

8. "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."

9. "This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better."

10. "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together."

11. "A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."

12. "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."

14. "I would like to go hunting with him sometime."

15. "He's been working with glue too much."

16. "He would argue with a signpost."

17. "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."

18. "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."

19. "If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one."

20. "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."

21. "A prime candidate for natural de-selection."

22. "Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."

23. "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."

24. "He's got two brains cells, one is lost and the other is out looking for it."

25. "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."

26. "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."

27. "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."

28. "It's hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm."

29. "One neuron short of a synapse."

30. "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."

31. "Takes him 2 hours to watch '60-minutes'."

32. "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead"

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My personal favorite is:

8. "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."

[lordvektra]

I just got done with my evaluation, im sure I saw some of those on there

[clawhammer]

Hahaha, those are all very funny

[xviciousx]

[YogsVR4]

I thought my evaluation was confidential

[s4fanatic27]

Originally Posted by dugie6551

28. "It's hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm."

[Jm93]

lol, next time i do an evaluation maybe i should use those with some of my staff. lol :-p.

[89tracerman]

i also like 28

[Zaphod Beeblebrox]

LMAO! Great post! 10, 19, and 24 are my favorites.

[Andydg]

Originally Posted by 89tracerman

i also like 28

I have to agree...28 is the best.

[Jm93]

31. "Takes him 2 hours to watch '60-minutes'."


thought this one was quite humorous. lol

[KatWoman]

I am forwarding that to my bosses, I am sure they will get a kick out of it

[LotusDreams]

awesome.

I love " 7. "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them." Reminds me of every single person, all 1500 of them, at my work.

[jerryred]

heres one I used to work a a large diesel and electric shop in up state NY. they were looking for reasons to not give raises and hold us down.
this is the line used on me. we feel you have underliying tones of negitive thinking towards the company ???