Fun with Telemarketers (long, but funny)

[Jet-Lee]

'tis worth the read...

-Fun with telemarketers-
What to say to a telemarketer! One of the things that has always bugged me (and I'm sure it has most of you, too) is to sit down to dinner only to be interrupted by a phone call from a telemarketer. I decided, on one such occasion, to try to be as irritating to them as they were to me. The call was from AT&T, and it went something like this:

Me: Hello

AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T....

Me: Is this AT&T?

AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T....

Me: This is AT&T?

AT&T: Yes. This is AT&T....

Me: Is this AT&T?

AT&T: YES! This is AT&T. May I speak to Mr. Salem please?

Me: May I ask who is calling?

AT&T: This is AT&T.

Me: OK, hold on.

At this point, I put the phone down for a solid 5 minutes thinking that, surely, this person would have hung up the phone. I ate my salad. Much to my surprise, when I picked up the receiver, she was still waiting.

Me: Hello?

AT&T: Is this Mr. Salem?

Me: May I ask who is calling please?

AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T....

Me: Is this AT&T?

AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T....

Me: This is AT&T?

AT&T: Yes, is this Mr. Salem?

Me: Yes, is this AT&T?

AT&T: Yes, sir.

Me: The phone company?

AT&T: Yes, sir.

Me: I thought you said this was AT&T.

AT&T: Yes, sir, we are a phone company.

Me: I already have a phone.

AT&T: We aren't selling phones today, Mr. Salem.

Me: Well, whatever it is, I'm really not interested, but thanks for calling.

When you are not interested in something, I don't think you can express yourself any plainer than by saying "I'm really not interested", but this lady was persistent.

AT&T: Mr. Salem, we would like to offer you 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.

Now, I am sure she meant she was offering a "rate" of 10 cents a minute, but she at no time used the word "rate". I could clearly see that it was time to whip out the trusty old calculator and do a little ciphering.

Me: Now, that's 10 cents a minute 24 hours a day? AT&T: (getting a little excited at this point by my interest) Yes, sir, that's right! 24 hours a day!

Me: 7 days a week?

AT&T: That's right.

Me: 365 days a year?

AT&T: Yes, sir.

Me: I am definitely interested in that! Wow!! That's amazing!! AT&T: We think so!

Me: That's quite a sum of money!

AT&T: Yes, sir, it's amazing how it adds up.

Me: OK, so will you send me checks weekly, monthly or just one big one at the end of the year for the full $52,560? If you send an annual heck, can I get a

cash advance?

AT&T: Excuse me?

Me: You know, the 10 cents a minute.

AT&T: What are you talking about?

Me: You said you'd give me 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. That comes to $144 per day, $1,008 per week and $52,560 per year. I'm just interested in knowing how you will be making payment.

AT&T: Oh no, sir, I didn't mean we'd be paying you. You pay us 10 cents a minute.

Me: Wait a minute here! Didn't you say you'd give me 10 cents a minute? Are you sure this is AT&T?

AT&T: Well, yes, this is AT&T, sir, but....

Me: But nothing! How do you figure that by saying that you'll give me 10 cents a minute that I'll give you 10 cents a minute? Is this some kind of suliminal telemarketing scheme? I've read about things like this in the Enquirer, you know. Don't use your alien brainwashing techniques on me.

AT&T: No, sir, we are offering 10 cents a minute for....

Me: THERE YOU GO AGAIN! Can I speak to a supervisor please?!? AT&T: Sir, I don't think that is necessary.

Me: Sure! You say that now! What happens later? AT&T: What?

Me: I insist on speaking to a supervisor! AT&T: Yes, Mr. Salem. Please hold.

So, now AT&T has me on hold, and my supper is getting cold. I begin to eat while I'm waiting for a supervisor. After a wait of a few minutes and while I have a mouth full of food.......

Supervisor: Mr. Salem?

Me: Yeth?

Supervisor: I understand you are not quite understanding our 10 cents a minute program.

Me: Id thish Ath Teeth & Teeth? (Is this AT&T)

Supervisor: Yes, sir, it sure is.

I had to swallow before I choked on my food. It was all I could do to suppress my laughter, and I had to be careful not to produce a snort.

Me: No, actually I was just waiting for someone to get back to me so that I could sign up for the plan.

Supervisor: OK, no problem, I'll transfer you back to the person who was helping you.

Me: Thank you.

I was on hold once again and managed a few more mouthfuls. I needed to end this conversation. Suddenly, there was an aggravated but polite voice at the other end of the phone.

AT&T: Hello, Mr. Salem. I understand that you are interested in signing up for our plan?

Me: Do you have that friends and family thing because you can never have enough friends and I'm an only child and I'd really like to have a little brother.........

AT&T: (click)

Note From Me: When I get a call from a telemarketer I prefer to give them options. I simply tell them Steve is not here right now but would they prefer to speak to Slob Boy, Gutter Boy, BrainDead Man ..... Click............

Or My Other Favorite... Are you single? Click............

[publicenemy137]

[NeonAtron]

That was great! i will be sure to try that. good work.

[-Jayson-]

oh man i do that all the time to them. . .but funny none the less. If you really want to mess with them, once your about to hang up, say I love you bye. . . lol its funny.

[crayzayjay]

Pretty entertaining.

I just hang up on the bastards

[Andydg]

When they call I mess with them like that kinda...but we're on that do not call list so I never get to have fun with them much anymore. One of my friends was acting all gay and hitting on the guy once...he hung up real fast.

[deedlit]

You can add your name, phone number ( and eventualy your faxnumber, if you have one) on the 'Robinson list'. So, your datas won't appear in any telemarketing database or faxmailing database.
And you'll never get a call.

Have to search for the link.

[dugie6551]

DAMN !!!!!!

I have to use that one at work. We have somebody calling on a reqular basis here at work. My co-worker likes to have some fun with them, so he keeps telling them "too speak up, I can't hear you". He does this to the point where the telemarketter is yelling into the phone. Now, if you can picture a telemarketter sitting in a big open room with several people around them, yelling into the phone. It must be a sight to see.

I think I will use the one above next time !!!!!!!

[psychobadboy]

I need to be more creative when telemarketers call me. Damn credit card people.

[ghostguy6]

I just like saying "if you want to waste my time, I charge $1.99 a minute, by not hanging up in the next ten seconds you hereby agree to a verbal contract to accept these charges." They hang up everytime or if im pissed off I just say " Ive got a half a bottle of whiskey, a 12 gauage and your address, call me back I dare you! click! " Works everytime. Im gonna have to try messing with them next time I got some free time.

[240NIZ]

I usually pretend I have a hard time understanding english and they have to speak very slowly.

You speak slow OK ....

[Vtec913]

Thats the funniest damn thing. I usually talk in spanish, then they put a translator on, then I speak english and so on and so forth. Then the manager gets on and says that we know you speak english, and I talk in tongues, so they just hang up

[Beastiek2]

I did telemarketing to pay for my beer money at college. WOW was it hell I would say 95% of the people I called were assholes to me ALWAYS. And I had to just sit there and be all nice.

[96Civ]

^^^I know its a job for some people, but when you are invading our home at midnight and being persistant upon making a sale, we kind of act out.

O.o

[psychobadboy]

I did some kind of telemarketing thing through the university as a job where we try to get former students and parents to donate money. The job was a bitch, but I got a few parents to dish out over $1000.