Oil Change

[TRD2000]

OIL CHANGE

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Men & Women

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Oil Change instructions for Women:

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1)***************** Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.

2)***************** Drink a cup of coffee.

3)***************** 15 minutes later, write a cheque and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

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Money spent: Oil Change -$20.00, Coffee -$1.00, Total - $21.00.

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Oil Change instructions for Men:

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1)***************** Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a cheque for $50.00.

2)***************** Stop by 7 - 11 and buy a case of beer, write a cheque for $20.00, drive home.

3)***************** Open a beer and drink it.

4)***************** Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.

5)***************** Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.

6)***************** In frustration, open another beer and drink it.

7)***************** Place drain pan under engine.

8)***************** Look for 9/16 box end wrench.

9)***************** Give up and use crescent wrench.

10)************** Unscrew drain plug.

11)************** Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss.

12)************** Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms.

13)************** Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.

14)************** Have another beer while watching oil drain.

15)************** Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.

16)************** Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.

17)************** Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes.

18)************** Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties.

19)************** Drink a beer.

20)************** Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Decide to finish oil change tomorrow so you can go see his new garage door opener.

21)************** Sunday: Skip church because "I gotta finish the oil change.

22)************** Drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car. Cleverly dump oil in hole in back yard instead of taking it back to Kragen to recycle.

23)************** Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 17.

24)************** Beer? No, drank it all yesterday.

25)************** Walk to 7-11; buy beer.

26)************** Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.

27)************** Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.

28)************** Remember drain plug from step 11.

29)************** Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.

30)************** Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard, along with drain plug.

31)************** Drink beer.

32)************** Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug. Re-shovel oily dirt into hole. Steal sand from kids sandbox to cleverly cover oily patch of ground and avoid environmental penalties. Wash drain plug in lawnmower gas.

33)************** Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor.

34)************** Throw kitty litter on oil spill.

35)************** Drink beer.

36)************** Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.

37)************** Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 30.

38)************** Begin cussing fit.

39)************** Throw stupid crescent wrench.

40)************** Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December (1992) in the left boob.

41)************** Beer.

42)************** Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood flow.

43)************** Beer.

44)************** Beer.

45)************** Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.

46)************** Beer.

47)************** Lower car from jack stands.

48)************** Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor oil.

49)************** Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during steps 23 - 43.

50)************** Beer.

51)************** Test drive car.

52)************** Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.

53)************** Car gets impounded.

54)************** Call loving wife, make bail.

55)************** 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

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Money spent: Parts - $50.00, DUI - $2500.00, Impound fee - $75.00, Bail - $1500.00, Beer - $40.00, Total - $4,165.00

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- But you know the job was done right.

[YukiHime]

Why men like to do such hard work, while they can save their time for doing something else that is useful?

[CBFryman]

^^it was a joke....he wasnt being serious, i can change the oil in my dads trailblazer in 20mins... saves the time of driving...corse yo ustill have to buy the oil and filter...but get that on a trip to walmart that happes religiously every saturday...lol

[YukiHime]

Well, he is dumb enough to drive after drinking all that beer...

[TRD2000]

haha ...so Yuki, what did you have in mind that was more "useful"??

[Iron]

Originally Posted by YukiHime

Why men like to do such hard work, while they can save their time for doing something else that is useful?

Oh yea because changing oil is SOOOO hard.

[YukiHime]

Originally Posted by Iron

Oh yea because changing oil is SOOOO hard.

For me, it is. And I've no doubt about it.

Originally Posted by TRD2000

haha ...so Yuki, what did you have in mind that was more "useful"??

Help cleaning up the house...

[ghostguy6]

I used to work in one of thos fast oil change places and let me tell you, you are far better to hange your own oil, those fast change places bend you over and dont use any lube till they get your money

[YukiHime]

Originally Posted by ghostguy6

I used to work in one of thos fast oil change places and let me tell you, you are far better to hange your own oil, those fast change places bend you over and dont use any lube till they get your money

So I got a question for you. Can they handle the oil change in my RX-7? Because I always ask my brother to bring it to the dealer...

[ghostguy6]

umm If you have a 14mm wrench and the right filter you can do it yourself for about $10-15 but yes those fast oil change places can do it but theyll charge you more for it.

[TRD2000]

i do it, but i've been leaving it to dealer with regular services recently.

[Entity_101]

I never get a service shop to change my oil, i mean whats the point. The parts are in the local car shop, its cheaper andyou get the self satisfication of not being one of these "just in it for the scene and not know anything about cars ricers".

[ghostguy6]

you have no idea how many times Ive laughed at these "just in it for the scene and not know anything about cars ricers" who tired to do their oil change them selvesand fucked it up. omg these ricer types crack me up, Id love to see them install a nos kit or something complicated

[TRD2000]

i get toyota to do mine cause they have the diagnostic stuff for my car, they also have all the manuals cause my owners manual is in japanese, it makes it really difficult just to check what oil is recommended etc. let alone the procedure for bleeding the cooling system! Before anyone says it's easy, I have an MR2. Sure i can do most stuff myself, but its easier to get them to look after it and just make sure i know and understand everything that they do to it. You have to at least understand whats going on and why, too many good cars here get trashed by kids who don't know how to check the oil even!

[J-Ri]

True story:
Lady takes her BRAND NEW Cadillac to the gas station for the FIRST tank of gas. She pops the hood, opens the oil fill cap and doesn't see any oil. She dumped oil in until it was up to the bottom of the cap.