Funny Answering Machine Messages

[Raz_Kaz]

1. A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here, so leave a message.

2. Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.

3. Hi. I am probably home. I'm avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.

4. Hi, I'm not at home right now, but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep.

5. If you are a burglar, then we're at home cleaning our weapons right now and can't answer the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't home and it is safe to leave us a message.

6.He-lo! This is Santo. If you leave message, I call you soon. If you leave "sexy message," I call you sooner!

7. Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.

8. Hello, You are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charities through their office and do not need their pictures taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.

9. This is not an answering machine. This is a telepathic thought recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about returning your call.

10. Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back.

11. Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right, real slowly. So leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth, we'll get back to you.

12. I’m sorry, I’ve been trying to break the record for "the most calls missed" if it’s a emergency, please hold on till the record is broken. And I will call you back.

13. Hi. This is John:
If you are the phone company, I already sent the money.
If you are my parents, please send money.
If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money.
If you are my friends, you owe me money.
If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.

14. Hi, this is Stephanie's answering machine. If you're the phone company asking for money, stop bugging her, she'll send it sooner or later. If you're a TV company advertising TVs, she already has a TV with every channel known to man, and several known to monkeys. If you called for any other reasons, please hang up the phone, start screaming, and run to the nearest shoe store. When you get there, ask them for a cheeseburger. (This probably won't help you, but we'll always have something to laugh about when we're bored.)

15. (With loud music playing in the background) "Hello... HELLO?? I can't hear you! What? Oh.. we're not home, leave a message.

16. "(In funny old lady voice) Hello, you have reached the ----family and we can not come to the phone right now. Please leave your name, phone number, short message, social security number, and credit card number and we will call you when we're done shopping."

17. We're sorry. You have reached an imaginary number. Please rotate your phone 90 degrees and try again.

18. Hi. I'm home right now, I'm just screening my calls. So start talking and if you're someone I want to speak with I'll pick up the phone. Otherwise, well, what can I say?




I thjink I should use some of them

[Karen512]

those are super!
mabee I will go out and buy an answering machine, just so I can use some of them!

15. (With loud music playing in the background) "Hello... HELLO?? I can't hear you! What? Oh.. we're not home, leave a message.

This one is my fav!

[-GS-]

this is by far the best Answering Machine message...

http://www.jvsplace.co.uk/ans/Seinfe...es_Machine.mp3

[turbo2nr]

haha that was funnie i liked # 6 lolz
1

[96Civ]

I want to do that sometime, but I'm afraid someone would take me too seriously.

[Chevy_girl00]

I would do some of those except my boss has my cell number and would probably be like "???". Also, I always miss calls so some of those might make people feel bad. They're funny though.

[kittedb18bt]

Originally Posted by -GS-

this is by far the best Answering Machine message...

http://www.jvsplace.co.uk/ans/Seinfe...es_Machine.mp3

i am guessing that is the george castanza message. if so, i sang that myself for the voicemail on my phone over a year ago. yes, i am a seinfeld freak.

[RSX-S777]

I'm definitely leaving the "He-lo! This is Santo"...

[pind]

Used to use a message, "hello, you've reached the psychic hotline. We know who you are, and what you want, so, at the sound of the beep, please... hang up. Thank you, and have a great day "

Only people who ever left a message, were the ones who knew me. Much better that way

[Hobbes]

This was mine for a while: Message
(Don't mind the lady's voice over, this is being used as a preview)

Like Pind, the people I knew would leave one...

[Phieta]

Originally Posted by Raz_Kaz

15. (With loud music playing in the background) "Hello... HELLO?? I can't hear you! What? Oh.. we're not home, leave a message.

Hehe, I'ma put that one on my phone...

[jcz1987]

I thought number 13 was my favorite. I should try that with those telemarketers.

[FireBball972]

lol, 13 has to be my favorite.

[FordJunky]

one that i always liked was

You have reached the monty python silly voices preservation society ......

hehehe... i guess ya gotta be a monty python fan... or a nerd, either will do.

[TuRbO_$kY|iN£]

hahah nice one raz kaz im gonna try #13. my phone bill is stupidly high they keep callin for the money but i already sent it to them the dumb bastards