Work Funny

[Raz_Kaz]

So I come into work today to find the following message posted on every cubicle...appareantly HR seems to have too much time on their hands.

Memo

To: All Employees
From: Human Resources
CC:
Date: 07/22/04
Re: Important Message from HR

Dear Staff,

Please be advised that there are new rules and regulations implemented to raise the efficiency of our company.

ATTIRE:
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada sneakers & carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

PERSONAL DAYS:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.

LUNCH BREAK:
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Overweight people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that is all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.

SICK DAYS:
We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

RESTROOM USE:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. There is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.

SURGERY:
As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation, consternation and input should be directed to the Unemployment Offices.

Have a nice day.
Human Resources Dept.

[SeXy_AnGeL]

lol

[-GS-]

lol, the best is the doctor line

[psychobadboy]

Originally Posted by Raz_Kaz

RESTROOM USE:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. There is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.

Haha!

[WickedNYCowboy]

Thats funny. I should copy it and send it to the shops.

[FireBball972]

haha, nice list

[burnM]

That's going up on the bulletin board today!!

[2Slow4U_Noob]

I'm going to print this out on our official business memo and post it up...that is freakin hilarious

[twospirits]

I've read that before, pretty cool seeing it again.

Theres even a funnier one about spanish curse words at the office, but it wouldn't be funny if you never heard or understand the words.

[kittedb18bt]

absolutely loved it.

[93rollaracer]

i should throw that in my boss's mailbox

[Damien]

lol, that's great Raz!!! Only if I still worked a t a place like that...