Darwin Awards 2004..

[96TSi]

The Darwin Award is an annual honor given to the person who did
the gene pool the biggest service by killing him or herself in the
most extraordinarily stupid way. Last year's winner was the fellow who
was killed by a Coke machine which toppled over on top of him as he
was attempting to tip a free soda out of it.

The nominees this year, in reverse order, are (and, yes, these
are all true):

No. 7 A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk
cheaply, because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed
gasoline with milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill,
and he vomited into the fireplace in his house. This resulting
explosion and fire burned his house down, killing both him and his
sister.

No. 6 A 34-year-old white male found dead in the basement of
his home died of suffocation, according to police. He was approximately
6' 2" tall and weighed about 225 pounds. He was wearing a pleated skirt,
white bra, black and white saddle shoes, and a woman's wig. It
appeared that he was trying to create a schoolgirl's uniform look. He
was also wearing a military gas mask that had the filter canister
removed and a rubber hose attached in its place. The other end of the
hose was connected to one end of a hollow tube approx. 12" long and 3"
in diameter. The tube's other end was inserted into his rectum for
reasons unknown, and was the cause of his suffocation. Police found
the task of explaining the circumstances of his death to his family
very awkward.

No. 5 Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low
altitude when another plane approached. It appears that they decided
to moon the occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their
own aircraft and crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage
with their pants around their ankles.

No 4 A 22-year-old Reston, VA, man was found dead after he
tried to use octopus-style bungee cords to bungee jump off a 70 foot
railroad trestle. Fairfax County police said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker,
taped a bunch of these straps together, wrapped one end around one
foot, anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park,
jumped and hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman,
said investigators think Barcia was alone because his car was found
nearby. "The length of the cord that he assembled was greater than
the distance between the trestle and the ground" Carmichael said.

Police say the apparent cause of death was "major trauma."

No. 3 A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems
that he and a friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball.

The friend, no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate, was hospitalized.

No. 2 Employees in a medium sized warehouse in West Texas
noticed the smell of leaking gas. Sensibly, management evacuated
the building, extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights,
power,
etc. After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas
company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they
had difficulty navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of
the lights worked. Witnesses later described the sight of one of the
technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object that
resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation of the lighter-like
object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to
three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the
lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician
suspected of causing the blast had never been thought of as
particularly 'bright' by his peers.

AND THE WINNER IS.....

No.1 Based on a bet by the other members of his threesome,
Everitt Sanchez tried to wash his own "balls" in a ball washer at the
local golf course. Proving once again that beer and testosterone are a bad
mix, Sanchez managed to straddle the ball washer and dangle his
scrotum in the machine. Much to his dismay, one of his buddies upped
the ante by spinning the crank on the machine with Sanchez's scrotum
in place, thus wedging his testicles solidly in the mechanism.
Sanchez, who immediately passed his threshold of pain, collapsed and
tumbled from his perch. Unfortunately for Sanchez, the height of the
ball washer was at least a foot higher off the ground than his
testicles are in a normal stance, and the scrotum was the weakest
link. Sanchez's scrotum was ripped open during the fall, and one
testicle was plucked from him forever and remained in the ball washer,
while the other was compressed and flattened as it was pulled between
the housing of the washer, and the rotating machinery inside. To add
insult to injury, Sanchez broke a new $300.00 driver that he had just
purchased from the pro shop, and was using to balance himself.
Sanchez was rushed to the hospital for surgery, and the remaining
threesome was asked to leave the course.
Note: This last one wouldn't normally count, because the idiot
didn't die. But because he cannot reproduce as a result of his
qualifying act of stupidity, we have allowed it.


kinda long but worth reading
and if this is a repost, make fun of me for being a noob on the forums

[Toksin]

Definately not 2004. Saw those at least 4 years ago.

Repost, n00b j/k

[96TSi]

it said 2004 where i got it from.

either way, its pretty funny stuff

Repost, n00b j/k

damn you...

[Toksin]

What? I had to

[Sluttypatton]

Milk and gasoline? Everyone knows that gasoline goes better with orange juice and grenadine...perhaps a slice of lime if your fancy.

[96TSi]

i think the winner of that one should have been #6.. crazy bastard

[Sluttypatton]

"The tube's other end was inserted into his rectum for
reasons unknown"

Reasons unknown? Clearly he was completing the ensemble.

[96TSi]

clearly...

[CamaroSSBoy346]

7, 3, 2.. Lol!

[YogsVR4]

These are funny every year - even though they are often the same ones.

[Damien]

I love 'em! ALmost hard to believe if I haven't seen some stupid myself.

[FireBball972]

a fast-food worker.....

"The length of the cord that he assembled was greater than
the distance between the trestle and the ground" Carmichael said.



bwahahahahaha, I love it!

[Hyatus]

if u take the bug spray raid and spray it on your ciggerette everything turns a shade of red for about an hour. this thread is stupid and i'm drunk,but i'm not on raid =)