ok ok one more bar joke

[RicR_wana_B]

ok this guy walks into a bar and sits down and looks to the end of the bar and there is a huge gorilla sitting there, so the guy looks to the bartender and asks what a male gorilla is doing in the bar and the bartender looks back and says "oh its a girl and she knows a few tricks to."
interested the guy says what can she do?
so the bartender walks over and grabs a baseball bat and smashes the gorilla on the head with the bat and the gorilla looks up and then gives the bartender the best blow job he has ever gotten.

after hes done he comes back to the guy and says "you wanna give it a try" and the guy looks at the bartender and says "sure but you dont have to hit me with the bat"

[Toksin]

[TheNotoriousMogg]

I laffed

[Sluttypatton]

Okay, clearly you guys need a little education in the ways of the bar joke.

High up in a building, about 40-50 stories, is a bar. Inside this bar everyone is drinking, and the atmosphere is fairly relaxed. Suddenly a man gets up from the bar, where he was previously sitting, and in his clearly inebriated state, walks to the window. Once he reaches the window he opens it up, and without warning tosses himself out it. The whole bar is shocked, and many people rush to the window, but to their amazement he comes soaring back up, and deftly lands on the window sill. One of the people in the bar asks him how he did it, and the man says "It isn't really that difficult, you jump out the window, and a few stories down there is a flagpole. You use the flagpole as a springboard and leap back up into the bar". The man, clearly amazed decides he is going to try the jump, so he throws himself out the window, only to fall all the way down without seeing a flagpole, then hitting the ground and dying. The first jumper walks nonchalantly to the bar in order to get another drink, when he gets there the bartender says "You know Clark, your a real asshole when your drunk".

[Oz]

Now THAT'S comedy.

[Toksin]

Man I love that superman joke

[-Davo]

i've heard a variation of that joke, just can't rememeber it!

[Integra06]

Originally Posted by -Davo

i've heard a variation of that joke, just can't rememeber it!

The variation is a blonde joke.

[YogsVR4]

Superman jokes rule!













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[Starex]

I laffed too

[Raz_Kaz]

second one was better, first one blows!!!

[chaser29]

#1
There was an old man in a bar who was staring at a punk in the corner.
The punk had multicolored, spiked hair and multicolored feather earings.
After a while the punk got mad and said to the old man "What are you staring at?"
"Back when I was in the army I got really drunk one night and fucked a parrot.
I was wondering if you were my son."

#2
A guy walks into a bar and buys a pint.
A bowl of peanuts at the bar start to tell him how good looking he is and how much they think he will get the ladies tonight.
Confused he walks over to the fruit machine to have a few games.
The fruit machine tells him it fucked his mother last nite and that she was shit.
Even more confused he walks back to the bar and asks the barman what the fuck is going on.
The barman says"well the nuts are complimentary and the fruit machine is just out of order"

[Soyo]

first one dumb, second one ok, both of these last 2 sucked

heres a dumb cheesy one to add:

this guy walks into a bar with a girraffe, they both drink and drink and drink untill the bartender tells them they've had enough and need to leave, so the guy starts walking out and the giraffe passes out about half way, so the bartenders says to the guy "hey, you can't just leave that lyin there!" and the man replies "thats not a lion, thats a girraffe"

ok and now a non bar joke

what do michael jackson and wal-mart have in common?

they both have boys pants half off

[lazysmurff]

have we done the irish man barjoke?

this irish guy walks into a pub in new york, and orders three pints of guiness (what else?) and proceeds to sip from each one a little at a time. when he finishes all three, he asks for three more. puzzled, the bar keep says "you know, i could just give them to you one at a time, and that way they would be cold"

to which the irishman replies "oh, no thank you, you see the thing is, im one of three brothers, and we all moved to different parts of the world. but we made a pact that any time we went to a pub, we would drink two extra pints for our brothers"

"why, thats great." replied the bar keep, and poured him three more pints. "what a wonderful way to keep your family in your heart.

well, time passed, and the mick and his ritual became a part of local lore and any evening, anyone could go to the bar and see him drinking from three glasses.

then one day, he steps up to the bar, and orders only two pints. the bar falls into a hush and all eyes are on the irish guy. he sat in silence drinking from only two glasses, instead of three. a few other regulars called the bar tender over (expecting the worst) and eventually talked him into finding out exactly what happened. when the irishman orders two more pints, the bar keep hands them over and then says "i dont mean to pry, but we would like to offer our deepest condolences"

the irishman looks puzzled for a while, and then a sense of understanding comes over his face and he replies

"oh, its nothing of the sort, i gave up drinking for lint"

[CarSuperfreak]

heard that one too many times.....