Rate your hangover

[pizzaman]

This was stolen from a BBS I belong to and since we have a few drunken posts I thought it was appropiate

How to rate your Hangover
1 star hangover (*)

No pain. No real feeling of illness. Your sleep last night was a mere disco nap which has given you a whole of misplaced energy. Be glad that you are able to function relatively well. However, you are still parched. You can drink 10 sodas and still feel this way. You are craving a steak sub and a side of gravy fries.

2 star hangover (**)

No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay but you have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are chugging is only exacerbating your rumbling gut, which is craving a fruity pancake from Waffle House. There is some definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.

3 star hangover (***)

Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the random gin shots you did with your alcoholic friends after the bouncer 86'd you at 1:45 a.m. Life would be better right now if you were in your bed with a dozen donuts and a meatball sub watching the E! fashion awards. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 Iced Teas and a diet coke - yet you haven't peed once. You decide the Havana Omelet you are going to leave in the bathroom is better done on another floor, so you don't have to walk by and smell it the rest of the day.

4 star hangover (****)

Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you missed an oh-so crucial spot shaving, (girls, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars.) Your eyes look like one big vein and your hair style makes you look like a reject from the class picture of Revere High, ' 76. Your sphincter is in perpetual spasm, and the first of about 5 ****s you take during the day makes the eyes water of everyone who enters the bathroom.

5 star hangover,(*****) aka "Dante's 4th Circle of Hell."

You have a second heartbeat in your head which is actually annoying the employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the remnants of the poop fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva, so your tongue is suffocating you. Death seems pretty good right now. You definitely don't remember who you were with, where you were, what you drank, and why there is a stranger still sleeping in your bed at your otherwise empty house. Any attempt to defecate results in a fire hose like discharge of alcohol scented fluid with a rare 'floater' thrown in. The sole purpose of this 'floater' seems to be to splash the toilet water all over your ass.

6 star hangover (******) otherwise known as the Infinite Nutsmacker"

You wake up on your bathroom floor. For about 2 seconds you look at the ceiling, wondering if the cool refreshing feeling on your cheek is the bathroom tile, or your vomit from 3 hours ago. It is amazing how your roommate was as drunk as you, but somehow managed to get up before you; shower and already leave for work. You try to lift your head. Not an option. Then you inadvertently turn your head too quickly and smell the funk of 13 packs of cigarettes in your hair. Suddenly you realize you were smoking, but not ultra lights...some jackass handed you Marlboro reds, and you smoked them like it was your second full time job. You look in the mirror only to see remnants of the stamp Ready to Rock" clearly on your cheek.......the stamp on the back of your hand has appeared on your face by what is known as 'jagermeister magic.' You have to be to work in t-minus 14 minutes and 32 seconds and the only thing you can think of wearing is your "hello kitty" pajamas and your slippers. Any attempt at emptying your bowels results in a gag inducing ass spray which you are positive has the ability to etch porcelain. The only thing that sounds worse than remaining on the foul stench throne is leaving before you're finished; which could take 5 minutes or an hour and a half

By The lone Scotsman

[l33tc4k30fd00m]

Gah hahahahaha.

Can't say I've ever had worse than **/***.

Drinking alone isn't any fun.

[jon@af]

Mine today was easily a *****.

[Mediocrity]

Last time I drank.

Good half a bottle of blue label smirnoff, half a bottle of crown, 4 or 5 long island iced teas, and whatever was in the stuff that was passed to me every now and then.

That was when I was conscious.

Woke up with a 2.5

oh, and fuck tequila

[-Davo]

I've only reached a **/***. I drank 12 beers in roughly 3 hours (not a good thing). The only thing I remember was earning over 900 million dollars in Vice City on the PS2. The next morning I vowed never to drink again...That was 2 months ago.

[RicR_wana_B]

well as of right now i dont have a hangover but tommorrow morning it is gonna hit me like a damn train, so ill let you know

[Ssom]

I've never got past a one. Maybe a two and I'm no lightweight drinker either.

I usually consume in the region of 9 beers before going to town, where I down a few bourbon and coke.

Actually the Saturday before last, I downed my whole dozen of Tui in an hour or maybe two (So much for that lasting me the week), did two flaiming shots of some licorice tasting stuff and went to town for a bourbon and coke, the gh3y bouncer at the fat ladies arms killed my fun by saying if I stumbled around I'd be kicked out. Fucker. I then proceeded to meet Foreskin, who sucks at drinking anything.

the point is I never get hangovers, never puke and merely can only get tipsy off a shitload of alcohol. I need to drink more I think

and the second point is, I am the man and am far greater than Toksin at life.

[SiGNAL748]

[3 Char Bypass] * [/3 Char Bypass]

[MBTN]

I just drank the entire weekend: Friday night, all day Saturday and finally all day Sunday.

[Prelewd]

1/4 gallon of regular absolut in 17 minutes at a frat party half gallon contest. Blacked out. Woke up on the can ready to die. Blacked out again and woke up on a plastic garbage bag with a **.

[Sean]

Worst I've had was a **

Any attempt to defecate results in a fire hose like discharge of alcohol scented fluid with a rare 'floater' thrown in. The sole purpose of this 'floater' seems to be to splash the toilet water all over your ass.

I almost wet myself upon reading that comment... I've had something similar when I had the flu; it was not very fun.

[93rollaracer]

well i think saturday/sunday's was a ***** but sure as hell seems like it was 7 or 8 *'s

[chaser29]

When I was in my teens. Started somewhere around 5:30am 6am mon and somehow it was sun. Puked for a full day, until the dry heaves took over for the next 2 days. Last time I drank.... Its now something like 10 yr's later and I still dont drink...

[korndogg]

a kid just died here cause he fell in the water when he was drunk....the news said he had a .41. im suprised he didnt die before he fell in.

[TankMMC]

*** was the worst I've ever had. NOT doing that again