Aussie mechanics with a sense of humour.

[Neutrino]

Qantas Airlines

After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor.

Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

(P = The problem logged by the pilot.)
(S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.)

P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produceTRue or false s a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

[-Davo]

HAHAHAHAHAAHAHhaHAHAAHAHAHAhahaahah that's halarious
I've read it before, but a while ago

hehe

And it's QANTAS Airlines, not Quantas hehe (don't worry, i failed my business exam for that error! I learned!)

[Neutrino]

Originally Posted by -Davo

HAHAHAHAHAAHAHhaHAHAAHAHAHAhahaahah that's halarious
I've read it before, but a while ago

hehe

And it's QANTAS Airlines, not Quantas hehe (don't worry, i failed my business exam for that error! I learned!)

I actually pasted the text so I did not even noticed the error. Now its corrected. thanks for the heads up

[crayzayjay]

If that's true then im not flying Qantas!

[-Davo]

hehe, the post also said qantas is the only airline in the world that hasn't crashed

What would you rather?

[Moppie]

I don't know how many times Iv seen that, but it still cracks me up.

[crayzayjay]

Originally Posted by -Davo

hehe, the post also said qantas is the only airline in the world that hasn't crashed

What would you rather?

Dont want to tempt fate, seems like an accident is waiting to happen. Doesnt this one worry you?

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

[crayzayjay]

I think the whole thing's fake. Qantas planes have crashed twice, the last time just a few years ago, although thankfully no casualties

http://www.airdisaster.com/cgi_bin/a...Qantas+Airways

http://news.airwise.com/stories/2001/04/988197540.html

[taranaki]

Queers
And
Nyphomaniacs
Training
As
Stewards

originally posted on AF by RAGT20 IN 2002

[-Davo]

Originally Posted by crayzayjay

I think the whole thing's fake. Qantas planes have crashed twice, the last time just a few years ago, although thankfully no casualties

http://www.airdisaster.com/cgi_bin/a...Qantas+Airways

http://news.airwise.com/stories/2001/04/988197540.html

The 1st website had two entries..

The first:
Accident Description: The aircraft overran the runway during an aborted takeoff attempt.

The 2nd:
Accident Description: The aircraft landed long in a driving rainstorm after confusion between the Captain and First Officer on whether to go-around. The aircraft overran the runway coming to rest on the fairway of an adjacent golf course. Pilot error.

Safe to say the crashes wearn't from the air

And yeah, thankfully no one was killed (injured physically, and emotionally maybe).
But anyway. I'd still fly Qantas

[Integra06]

Originally Posted by -Davo

The 1st website had two entries..

The first:
Accident Description: The aircraft overran the runway during an aborted takeoff attempt.

The 2nd:
Accident Description: The aircraft landed long in a driving rainstorm after confusion between the Captain and First Officer on whether to go-around. The aircraft overran the runway coming to rest on the fairway of an adjacent golf course. Pilot error.

Safe to say the crashes wearn't from the air

And yeah, thankfully no one was killed (injured physically, and emotionally maybe).
But anyway. I'd still fly Qantas

Maybe they just need longer runways?

[lamborghinirocks]

Originally Posted by Neutrino

Qantas Airlines
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

i think this is the best one

[Boss San]

That's great stuff. You'll never have a dull day when you're surrounded by a grip of aussies.
Over running the landing strip is hardly what i would call an accident, if nobody was hurt and the plane was fine that's hardly one to chalk up to the board as an accident. A plane falling from thirty thousand feet with a full cabin, that's more of an accident.