Oldest Jokes In The Book

[xviciousx]

REAL Confession:

Dude goes in to the confessional booth. He gives his sins and whatnot and the priest gives him his penance. The priest then asks the man if he could "watch the booth" for him for a minute so he could go to the bathroom. The man, not wanting to turn down a priest, accepts, and the priest leaves him a "cheat sheet" of the average penance for the average sins.
A few people come in and out and all goes fine. Then a young woman comes in and lists her average sins and then confesses to giving "oral sex". The man looks over his "cheat sheet" and doesn't see it on there so he leans over to the nearby alter boy.
"Excuse me son, what does the priest usually give for oral sex?"

"A rootbeer and a snickers bar."


Construction:

Three men, a mexican, an american, and a redneck, are all sitting up on a high rise on their lunch break from their construction job. The Mexican opens up his lunch pale and finds a pita sandwich. "If I get another pita sandwich I swear to God I'm going to jump off this high rise and kill myself!" he exclaimed. The American opened up his lunch pale and took out a hamburger. "If I get another hamburger I swear to God I'll jump off this high rise and kill myself too." he agreed. The Redneck opened up his paper bag and took out a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. "Gosh darn it. If I get another PB&J I'mma have to do the same durn thang."

The next day comes and the three friends take their usual spot. The Mexican opens up his pale and sees a pita sandwich. "Fuck." he said as he jumped off the high rise to his death. The American opened his pale to find another hamburger and goes in the same manner, soon followed by the Redneck who found another PB&J.

At the funeral recession the Mexican man's wife is crying and says, "If only I knew he wanted something else I would've packed something else." The American wife is also drenched with tears and states, "I knew I should've put cheeze on it." The Redneck's wife stood, dry as a bone, angry in appearance. The two other women looked at her puzzled. "Don't look at me." She said. "He packs his own lunch."

[youngvr4]

i like that last one. here goes one

a bear and a rabbit are taking a dump in the woods, the bear looks at the rabbit and says "hey do you have problems with doodoo sticking to your fur"

"no" the rabbit replys. so the bear wiped his butt with the rabbit.

[IntegraBoy2003]

LOL funny ones

[YogsVR4]

I want to avoid that book

[kittedb18bt]

wow, guys

[92lx]

Originally Posted by YogsVR4

I want to avoid that book

what a bad pun

- Nathan

[Damien]

Coolio, another Nathan...'ight...hey, anyone wany to hear the purple flower again???

Great stuff!!! Send Tonio a copy of this book!

[xviciousx]

Purple flower?

[KustmAce]

Why did the man throw the clock out the window?

To see time fly...


Thats a pretty old one eh?

[xviciousx]

sux0r

[KustmAce]

i said it was old...i never said it was good

[xviciousx]

true

[stealthj]

i thin it was good!