Shy?

[Mr2Spyder2828]

I am shy around girls and I know alot of you are too. What are some tips on geting over this barrier and actually loosening up around some new girls. I go to the clubs and I cant just go up and talk to any girl I want to. And if I do go up and talk to a girl it will only last for a few sentences and then I get nervous or selfconcious and cant continue a whimsical conversation. I am concidering just going after the girls that I think are way uglier than me so that I have the confidence that I have the upper hand. Is this a logical idea or not?

[craigcully]

Logical, yes, living up to your possible potential, no. But go ahead and build your confidence by starting out on the ugly chicks and then work your way up to the hotties. Sounds like a reasonable plan to me.

[leew347]

hey mate i know exactaly how you feel.
I have the same problem

[MBTN]

Alcohol. Helps me talk to them, i'm sure it can help you too. I'm serious.

[CraigFL]

When I was in college, one of my professors talked me into joining Toastmasters, a public speaking club. It gave me greater confidence in myself so I could speak in front of people(and approach women!). Because of that, I've spoken to groups of 500+ people without problems so now, talking with one woman isn't really that difficult

[Jay!]

Yes, practice makes perfect:

Originally Posted by Excerpted from [url="http://www.askmen.com/dating/doclove_150/167_relationship_expert.html"

Ask Any Woman Out, Without Fear[/url]]

you need a little ego

In your case, ... it's apparent that you don't have the confidence, the cool or the clarity to handle such a delicate situation. I don't even want you to think about asking this particular woman out. You're not ready yet.

"The System" tells us that one of the qualities that women value most in a man is confidence. If you're not confident with women, which you're obviously not, ... then you must put yourself on a confidence-building program. How is that done? Here's the secret: (It's actually a lot easier than you might think.)

Determine the highest level of beauty a woman can have without engendering one bit of nervousness or trepidation in you when you contemplate approaching and talking to her. So, for instance, if you still get the heebie-jeebies at the thought of approaching a 7, take it down a couple notches to the 5's who never make you uncomfortable at all.

Then, whenever you are out and about in public, say "hello" to and strike up a conversation with every woman that you encounter who is, in one way or another, a 5 or less in your eyes.


even grandma wants to chat

Talk to women of all ages. Talk to mothers who are out with their kids. Talk to grandmothers you encounter at the produce section in the market. Ask them what the difference is between a sweet potato and a yam. Laugh and joke with the plain-Jane who works at the bank and isn't quite pretty enough for you to be romantically interested in. But only talk to women whom you are 100% comfortable with.

If you spend most of your life hardly ever approaching and talking to any females at all, it's pretty tough to suddenly ask out a woman whom you've just met, particularly a rather attractive one. But the more you practice interacting with females on a daily basis, the easier it gets to connect with the ones you like.

The low 7, who used to make you slightly nervous, now begins to feel like just another one of the gals whom you regularly chat with. Then, once you achieve comfort and confidence with the low 7's, step up to the mid and high 7's. The trick is to crank up the risk factor very, very slowly, so slowly that your subconscious never perceives that there is anything to fear.


taking candy from a baby

If you follow my instructions, ... you will slowly but surely gain the comfort and confidence you need in order to be successful with women. You will no longer torment yourself about how you failed to "close" when you knew that you should have. And you won't be complaining that you don't meet any women. There are women everywhere you go, aren't there? Smile and say hello. Start with the ones you're not attracted to, that's easy.

But, in order for this method to work, you have to be truly committed to practicing every day. It won't work if you merely do it in a half-assed way. Read my instructions over several times and make the commitment to do whatever it takes to have a real breakthrough for yourself.

Then, when the next potential soul mate crosses your path, it will be no big deal to say to her, "Missy, I'd like to take you out. What's your home phone number?" Just avoid using work as your only resource for meeting women. Get out there and start relating to the abundance of women who are everywhere else.

Remember guys; don't bite off more than you can chew.

More Doc Love articles, and info on his "system," here: http://www.askmen.com/dating/doclove/index.html

The public speaking is a great idea, too. Or take a drama class... Just get out there...

[Blaker14]

I am too pretty shy when it comes to women, but yet im slowly try to conquer that fear of rejection. When I was a freshman in high school, i was extremely quiet, i grew up with friends who talked for me. That has hurted me throughout high school with very few relationship that only lasted for weeks. Most of them were girls that i liked but she didnt give a crap about me (i have be used twice for money i didnt really have) and cheated on once all during the summer of my sophmore year. With these bad experiences, i didnt go out with any women since. Last summer when i got my job, i meet a bunch of new people who were more outgoing then i was (i work at a gas station in NJ, full-service only). They ended up helping me out, and got me to talk more. They helped my confidence and i started to become more outgoing. At work we always had contests to see who can get a number from a hot chick who drove up. I would watch them do it, and try to take tips from them. It took me a while to work up enough confidence to talk to them let alone ask for their number. It took a lot of pratice with less desirable chicks for me to work up to the hotter looking chicks.

Right now I am a high school senior and came a long way from my freshman year. I currently dont have a girlfriend, yet i do talk to a lot of girls. My words of advice is pretty much the same as everyone else, chicks love confidence.

[CiViC_GIRL]

Originally Posted by Mr2Spyder2828

I go to the clubs and I cant just go up and talk to any girl I want to. And if I do go up and talk to a girl it will only last for a few sentences and then I get nervous or selfconcious and cant continue a whimsical conversation.

it's hard to start a conversation at a club.. music is always too loud

usually when i go up to a guy at a club, most of the time... the guy thinks i'm looking for something else

[MBTN]

Well clubs are pretty stupid to begin with. 20+ bucks to get in, 5 dollars a drink. You're only there to buy a girl drinks with the intent of getting in her pants. It's pathetic. I prefer just going to a house party or something and having a good time.

[Mr2Spyder2828]

Cool. Some good advice from yal. Thanks for the tips on how to get over the shyness. I wonder though how important is it that I wear something that is stylish or in fashion? I always wear the same style when I go out to the clubs. What should I be wearing and what should I not be Wearing? Do girls really care on how well the guy is groomed or dressed? I am horrible at picking my own clothes and I always see these people with clothes that I want but I can never find those clothes in any shops that I go to. For some reason I think a particular item of clothing looks good while I am trying it on in the store but once I get home I realize it sucks. shity problem.

[zebrathree]

Don't wear a G-String. Especially without pants.

DO wear a leather jacket with patches all over it.

AND THE RAYBANS! Can't forget the Raybans!

[SonyMobile]

like someone said b4, Alcohol...that is the key my friend, im shy as hell when it comes to ladies, but when im loaded...wow am i ever social! just go and be yourself, try letting them come to you, its worked for me a few times, just get out, hand out with your buddies, and your buddies with girlfriends with hot friends are even better, tell your buddies girlfriend that you need a girlfriend, she can hook you up.

[asterox]

Originally Posted by CiViC_GIRL

it's hard to start a conversation at a club.. music is always too loud

usually when i go up to a guy at a club, most of the time... the guy thinks i'm looking for something else

mmm club sluts

couldn't resist

[Oz]

Start small and work your way up. The amount of slappers I went through so now I'm seeing a Swiss Goddess you wouldn't believe.

[Toksin]

You're complaining, young Grant?