Need a diet? Try the Bud Light 2004 diet.

[YellowMaranello]

http://www.aitkinage.com/AITKINAGE/m...54&PubID=15209

Try my new ‘Bud Light 2004 Diet’

Dick Norlander

It seems that everywhere I turn these days there is a new “hot” diet plan or a revision to an old one.

We’re dieting and zoning out on everything from all-protein mixes to no and low carbohydrate foods.

My suggestion for a proven diet in 2004 that’s been effective throughout the ages is what I like to affectionately call “Dick’s Bud Light Diet Plan.”

FACT: A light beer has between 70 and 100 calories, is almost all water, and the part that isn’t water is almost pure carbohydrates.

FACT: The average diet recommends a daily caloric intake of 1,200 calories for women, 1,500 for men, if you want to lose the medically safe two to three pounds a week. On the “Dick’s Bud Light Diet Plan,” that equates to at least 12 beers a day for women and 15 for men. A realistic goal.

FACT: The alcohol in beer is a diuretic, which causes the water to flush out almost immediately, leading to a consistent workout regimen including deep knee bends (getting out of the chair), fast walking (very good for your heart) and squats (depending if you’re male or female.

FACT: Drinking beer actually helps you sleep – even when you aren’t necessarily tired. All that added rest is certain to help any problems you may have experienced in sleep deprivation counting calories on those other fad diets.

In addition, you may experience the occasional “How did I get here?” Syndrome when you wake up, which always makes for lively conversation, and possibly additional exercise if you have to sneak out and run home.

FACT: The “Dick’s Bud Light Diet Plan” is good for your heart. After just one day of consuming your required 12-15 beers, you will certainly want to consume some aspirin, which is medically proven to help prevent heart attacks.

FACT: On the “Dick’s Bud Light Diet Plan” you can eat anything you want. The only rule is that you cannot consume any food until you have consumed at least half the day’s required beers. This way the food will probably only stay in your body a short time, until you again exercise the deep knee bends, quick walk and, this time, the “lean over and hurl” stomach crunches.

FACT: Beer drinking is often done in bars, where other forms of exercise are common. Dancing, for example, is a good way to build up a thirst, as is chasing members of the opposite sex. If you really want to maximize your workout, try actually walking up to the bar versus using a waitress. To take this to the extreme, you could even offer to get up and get someone else a beer.

FACT: Beer is cheaper than Jenny Craig.

Noted columnist and humorist Dave Barry once wrote that “Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.”

With a little ingenuity, I guess we can all take advantage of both inventions.

[TexasF355F1]

And if you drink too much, you'll throw up what you ate.

[YogsVR4]

Time to get with the latest diet fad!

[goat_launcher]

Bud Lite tastes like moose piss, in my opinion. If you're wondering how I know what moose piss tastes like, that's because moose piss is Busch Light...Sorry, the only beers I drink include Corona, Coors, or something else not made in America. Oh well.

[craigcully]

Originally Posted by goat_launcher

If you're wondering how I know what moose piss tastes like, that's because moose piss is Busch Light...:

I thought moose piss was Keystone....

[slave]

I thought American beer WAS water???

[chicago_guy]

I think a good number of people are already on that diet.

[oldbluecelica]

if that works with coors, sign my up

[Toksin]

Is there a bourbon version of this?

[Cavallino]

Originally Posted by goat_launcher

Bud Lite tastes like moose piss, in my opinion. If you're wondering how I know what moose piss tastes like, that's because moose piss is Busch Light...Sorry, the only beers I drink include Corona, Coors, or something else not made in America. Oh well.

Isn't Coors American?

This should be called the poor student's diet. Any poor student I know will happily cut food out of his budget for beer. Plus, carry the case home for added excercise.

[freakray]

Originally Posted by goat_launcher

Bud Lite tastes like moose piss, in my opinion. If you're wondering how I know what moose piss tastes like, that's because moose piss is Busch Light...Sorry, the only beers I drink include Corona, Coors, or something else not made in America. Oh well.

I'm not buying that excuse from you.....how do you really know what moose piss tastes like?

[TexasF355F1]

Originally Posted by goat_launcher

Bud Lite tastes like moose piss, in my opinion. If you're wondering how I know what moose piss tastes like, that's because moose piss is Busch Light...Sorry, the only beers I drink include Corona, Coors, or something else not made in America. Oh well.

I hate to tell you, but Coors is made in America.

[goat_launcher]

Originally Posted by freakray

I'm not buying that excuse from you.....how do you really know what moose piss tastes like?

You're right, you're right...moose piss really tastes like Old Milwaukee.

[Cobra01TT]

I live right next to the Coors plant in Colorado, so it's definitely American, unless were not in America any more.

[oldbluecelica]

^umm.....dont supose you wanna mabey sneek in and steal m some do ya