Jokes about women(hopefully not a repost)

[TexasF355F1]

How many men does it take to open a beer?
---None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
---Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
---It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand > closer to the kitchen sink.

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
---When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."

How do you fix a woman's watch? >
---You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

Why do men break wind more than women?
---Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at > the front door, who do you let in first?
---The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
---A woman who won't do what she's told.

I married Miss Right.
---I just didn't know her first name was Always.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
---It's called a Wedding Cake.

Why do men die before their wives?
---They want to.

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested.
---Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

[Marc-OS]

[Spec2 Girl]

All I can say to that list is

[YogsVR4]

Yeah - those have come through before and I think Spec2 had the same reaction

[TexasF355F1]

Originally Posted by YogsVR4

Yeah - those have come through before and I think Spec2 had the same reaction

Sorry about the repost. Should I remove it?

[Spec2 Girl]

Originally Posted by YogsVR4

Yeah - those have come through before and I think Spec2 had the same reaction

A total possibility.

[CiViC_GIRL]

Originally Posted by TexasF355F1

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
---It's called a Wedding Cake.

[blindside.AMG]

Why don't women need umbrellas?
--Because it doesn't rain from the kitchen to the bedroom.

What do you call a women with two black eyes?
--Nothing, you already told her twice.

[GTR2b]

I read this list to my wife once...

I was the one that ended up with two black eyes.

[asterox]

Why do doctors spank babies at birth?
--To knock the dicks of the dumb ones.

[blindside.AMG]

Originally Posted by asterox

Why do doctors spank babies at birth?
--To knock the dicks of the dumb ones.

Baby jokes are good too!!!

What's the difference between 10,000 dead babies and a Saleen S7?
--I don't have an S7 in my garage.

How do you get 1000 dead babies into a VW Bug?
--A blender
How to them out?
--Tostitoes

What's worse than nailing a baby to a wall?
--Ripping it off!

And paraplegic jokes.....

What do you call a paraplegic in the middle of the ocean?
--Bob

What do you call a paraplegic in the bushes?
--Russell

What do you call a paraplegic on the wall?
--Art

Please stop me if I'm getting too offensive.

[Oz]

Originally Posted by blindside.AMG

Baby jokes are good too!!!

What's the difference between 10,000 dead babies and a Saleen S7?
--I don't have an S7 in my garage.

How do you get 1000 dead babies into a VW Bug?
--A blender
How to them out?
--Tostitoes

What's worse than nailing a baby to a wall?
--Ripping it off!

And paraplegic jokes.....

What do you call a paraplegic in the middle of the ocean?
--Bob

What do you call a paraplegic in the bushes?
--Russell

What do you call a paraplegic on the wall?
--Art

Please stop me if I'm getting too offensive.

Keep going!

[goat_launcher]

Originally Posted by blindside.AMG

What do you call a women with two black eyes?
--Nothing, you already told her twice.

I'm don't give a fuck what other people say, it's hilarious, and I'm goin' to hell for laughin' at it

[publicenemy137]

[TexasF355F1]

Originally Posted by publicenemy137