Why do I get the feeling that I supposed to feel guilty?

[replicant_008]

I guess I should know better at my age and slew of mistakes… but it’s a bit like fishing some days you get a fish every cast and then there are some days when all you get are tangled lines.

I should probably start at the beginning… Since Christmas I’ve been ‘on the chase’ with someone I think would be match as we have a lot in common and share a lot of values. We both enjoy doing similar sports and share a lot of other interests – we are also both time poor. And we both find it quite hard to fit each other in with some other things that we have undertaken to do. But we keep trying, we share a lot on the phone and when we both can see each other.

At the same time, I have a very close friendship with someone else that I met about a year ago. It started off with me being physically attracted to her but to cut a long story short it developed into a very strong but platonic relationship. We have a vast difference in age, we come from very different backgrounds and have very different views about a lot of things. But there is some sort of connection that for the most part means we enjoy each other’s company and we share a lot of time together.

So much so, that some of my friends have quietly taken me aside and asked me exactly what the relationship is – but for a lot of reasons it will remain a friendship only.

Now I’ve never felt compelled to tell either party about the other – by accident or design it’s never come up in conversation. Which was a mistake because things have got a little complicated of late. I had been out with one of them on Friday for a movie and on Saturday I had been at the gym with the other for a couple of hours when it seemed like a good idea to have a swim and get some lunch.

Anyway, I was enjoying my lunch at a beachfront café with my friend in our swimming gear when along comes my companion from the movies the previous evening.

So there I am sitting in my boardies introducing each of them to the other. There was a polite conversation and both of them gave each other an odd look especially when one mentioned going to the movies the previous night and the other about the afternoon's gym session and the swim. Afterwards, my friend gave me a short grilling and wanted to know more about my movie companion. It wasn’t a long grilling but it was an odd conversation.

Anyway, that evening my friend and I went out for a few drinks with some mutual friends (and call me sensitive and paranoid) but I picked up this weird vibe between us. I don’t think I’ve done anything wrong and I haven’t even heard from the person I took to the movies (which is even odder because we normally talk on Sunday night). Now I don’t think I ever consciously concealed what was happening but I keep getting the distinct feeling that both of them seem to think I have done something wrong.

And there are even more things that are going to make things more complicated in the next month or so… I think I need to go into damage control mode with both of them but I’m sure that neither lady subscribes to ladder theory:

http://intellectualwhores.com/ladderintro.html

… but I get the distinct feeling I have fallen off both ladders (from the women’s perspective)…and have to start all over again with both of them. Which is going to be immensely time-consuming and high maintenance... I still don’t understand what is going on in either of their pretty heads… and after my raft of doomed relationships I’m beginning to think that I pretty much fated to screw this up completely…

[Oz]

[opinion]Rep - leave them to their own devices for at least another day. Take each out for a coffee/meal/similar soon and explain the whole situation just as honestly as you have explained it here.[/opinion]

Shoulda been shooting straight from the start, but at least you're not playing two.

[replicant_008]

Thanks Oz, trouble is I think I was shooting straight.

One of them is a friend and the other is someone I think I want to more than a friend with. The one that is the friend had suggested a couple of months ago that I needed to 'get out of my cocoon and get a lady friend' (her words not mine) and then I get a grilling from her about someone I'm interested in. It's not like she did not know I had been out on Friday evening.

I don't see what the difference going to the gym for some training and going for swim with a female friend is any different from doing the same with a male friend. Other than it's rather unlikely a male friend would be sitting opposite me in a bikini.

I don't think it's odd that I have a best friend that is a female and attractive. And it's not like there's any competition between them - after all I'm not the gala prize at the bachelor's auction...

[heina21]

ok... so the friend told you you should get a chick...maybe she was just upset that you didn't tell her about the one you like...girsl like to know that stuff...as for the one you like if you want a chance you should tell her that its just a good friend & nothing else .. if you haven't talked to her yet ...call her

[Oz]

Let them know there is no competition and exactly how you see the two relationships. They're from Venus remember, mate .

[asterox]

Ack, even girls who are friends like to be the apple of a guy's eye.

Be honest and tell each girl what you want. You're right to be sensitive, it sounds like your girls are both hurting. They could also be picking up a guilty "oops I tried to have 2 girlfriends" vibe from you.

[Toksin]

I'm with Oz on this one. I still fail to see why you're feeling guilty. You weren't playing anyone, you weren't cheating, what's to feel bad about?

[YogsVR4]

Originally Posted by Toksin

I'm with Oz on this one. I still fail to see why you're feeling guilty. You weren't playing anyone, you weren't cheating, what's to feel bad about?

Add me to the list. Women are going to think whatever they want. Our best hope is to be honest. There is no way to be caught in a lie that way and it allows them to deal with whatever issues they might have. There is nothing we can do outside of that.

[BigJustinZ28]

your friend might be upset that you never told the girl your chasing about her , especially if she feels she is your "best friend" . The girl you are chasing probably is just wondering who the hell that other girl is. It should pass tho I think , theyll release how dumb they are acting.

[asterox]

Originally Posted by YogsVR4

Add me to the list. Women are going to think whatever they want. Our best hope is to be honest. There is no way to be caught in a lie that way and it allows them to deal with whatever issues they might have. There is nothing we can do outside of that.

"being honest" can be a form of manipulation, girls know this of course

also they might see his ommiting the truth as a form of dishonesty, so by saying "no, honest, I just never though to tell you" he's painting a target on his head

but hey, I'm not in his shoes, just figured i'd play a little DA