SERIOUS Friend problems

[gtkriss]

ok look... this friend is the ex-gf I described in the "another girl problem thread?!" thread... she is a really, really close friend, and I love her to death, but I'm not so sure as to what to do.

She and her parents have never gotten along, and they have always fought, mainly because her parents really are messed up, and have tried to treat her like she's 5 again.
She has always had problems, but now she seems to be cutting herself with razor blades on her wrists... this isn't the first time that this has happened, but she has gone to counseling, and she still believes that this is the only way that will feel as bad as she does....
i don't even know where to begin, her parents (esp. her mom) said that they hate her, they would trade her in, kick her out on her 18th b-day, (which is on 1/24), they took away the new car they just got her, and may not pay for her college, which means she might not be able to move away. But she continues to hurt herself.. i told her "when you cut yourself, I bleed," and she always is all "i'm sorry" and "it makes me feel good," so i'm like wtf? and told her I was out of her life forever... The feeling is just like when we split up, it's unbearable.
So I don't know what to do.. She has been sent to counseling, sent to hospitals, etc. but nothing has helped.. Anything you guys have to say to help would be appreciated.

[gtkriss]

this is the one you need to read, not the other thread

[DayDreaM BelieveR]

It's a terrible situation you're friend's in here. The way I see it the best you you could be doing right now is comforting her and telling her that things will eventually get better, even if you don't think it. People in that state need to be reassured. I've seen this type of behaviour in a friend of mine before and she eventually came out of it but not without substantial scars. If you can, stop her from cutting herself because it only leads to more unhappiness/depression and will force her even further down.

Good Luck.

[RSX-S777]

She has serious psychological issues. Unless you are a psychiatrist, theres not a whole lot you can do. In high school my best friend sliced his wrists with a kitchen knife and ended up in the psych ward. What could I do but visit daily and listen. A disturbing thought: maybe she likes the attention you give her, when you say things like "When you cut yourself I bleed"? But it sounds like she really wants attention/love/ from her parents

[2strokebloke]

Sometimes it's hard to do, but everybody has to grow up, and learn how to properly deal with situations. Cutting yourself, is not the way to deal with stress. It's incredibly foolish, especially if the only reason she's doing it is so she has to go to counseling, to make her parents feel bad - but instead of feeling bad about how their treatment of her makes her do this, they just become angry that she's acting so stupidly.
Her parents and her should learn to get to know how their actions affect eachother, and stop acting like immature idiots. "you don't like me so I'll cut myself" "You cut yourself, so we're going to start taking your priveledges away." Come on, grow up people.

I think they should go to family counseling, especially if the counselor will give them all a swift kick in the ass for acting so foolishly.

[chicago_guy]

I honestly think there is nothing you can really do for her. My friend has a pretty bad relationship with her mom, but not nearly as bad as your friend's situation. In fact, my friend's problems are easily fixable, but she refuses to listen to my solutions. You cant make her relationship with her parents any better. All you can do is let her vent to you, and to just comfort her. If you really want to try to help her, get her some help...from a psychiatrist, or even a reverend.

[gtkriss]

hey thanks for the advice fellas... It seems like things really haven't gotten better, and well, I just hope that things don't get any worse.

[mycivic]

Just want to add my here. First off, hurting herself wont make the problems any better. Its no solution to even take her own life for that matter (assuming she would because of cutting her wrist) The one good solution I can see is that you as a friend, be there for her as a support. To be there when she needs that shoulder to lean on. Since she is going to turn 18 and you say that she is gona be kicked out of the house, it is not your obligation to support her financially but if it were my friend in need like that...I'd try to support her for the time being till she gets a job and stand on her own two feet.

I just hope that things turn out to be good for you and your friend. Good Luck!

[gtkriss]

now this is kinda messed up... she is all of a sudden unreachable... like she doesn't wanna talk to me... wtf? help plz?

[DayDreaM BelieveR]

How is she unreachable? Avoiding you? Not answering phone? It might be inconsequencial or it might be that you're views or the way you've been acting towards her situation is getting on her nerves or something to that effect. But then again, it might just be she's depressed and doesn't want to be around people. All I can say is; don't push.

[asterox]

you're setting yourself up bud

look up codependancy, it's a good word to know

there isn't anything you can do about this, she has to hit her own bottom then she'll start climbing

[mustang372004]

I have a friend right now that has the same problem with her parents and she too has tried to kill herself many times but luckly I've been there to talk her out of it and I'm afraid she is going and she has cut herself the times I wasn't there to talk her out of it and another part of the problem is her ex bf which BTW I would like to kick his ass for the way he treated her but thats another story, anyway man just try and talk to her and comfort her other than that man I don't know I need some advice myself

[Toksin]

mustang372004:

1)Please use punctuation. Full stops and commas are your friend.

2)Don't bring up old threads.

[Bunta]

Self mutilation is indeed a serious problem. It either means that she does have a mental dysfunction, or she simply doesn't understand how she'll feel when one of those cuts goes deep enough. The commitment to suicide hits you like a ton of bricks when you see that first blood clot squirt out of a minor knick in your wrist. A lot of kids end up scaring themselves out of this type of activity.

And holy lord. If my problems were as simple as hers, I'd probably kill myself from sheer boredom, not grief. She needs to put her energies in something wacky where she can get positive attention that she (obviously) craves.