Unwed parents . . . child support . . .

[i_rebel]

Anybody DIS-agree with the relative ease that is afforded a woman who wants to have a child, although the man involved does not?


Stevie B
'93 G20

[JD@af]

I don't understand your question. Could you restate it please?

[i_rebel]

It goes like this:

A man and a woman are involved in a relationship . . . not married. Both realize and agree that a baby is not in the plans . . . for any number of reasons . . . unintentinally, the woman becomes pregnant . . . the man wants no part of it . . . the woman decides to keep it . . . goes after the man for child support . . .

Thoughts on this . . .

[JD@af]

Well, here's my take on this. It sucks to be the man, naturally. I think this is why today couples can often wind up splitting if the man and woman hold different perspectives on the abortion issue. People often discuss how they feel about kids, adoption, abortion, etc., because this is a problem that inevitably arises from time to time.

I think it is at least a little unfair (this is an undestatement) to be the man here, but like I said, legally, he's screwed, no matter how immoral the legal stance on this issue may be. It may be possible to work out a deal in court under the right circumstanes so that the man is free of obligation, but I'd say that the chances of being able to make this happen are slim indeed.

It this explanation fails to adress my thoughts on the issue, I'll spell them out now. This is one of the many things that pisses me off about our society as it exists today. You really need to have that conversation (as I outlined above) before having sex, because, frankly, shit happens. I hate the fact that conditional exceptions to passion exist, i.e. that you may need to interrupt the heat of the moment, untangle yourself from the situation you're in, and ask "by the way, are you pro-choice? Would you have an abortion if you got pregnant?" Kind of a mood killer. But what's your alternative? Have your check book ready or be prepared to join the dead beat dad club.

[Heep]

I agree...it pisses me off too.

But you have to admit, the guy gets off of the whole pregnancy thing pretty good...we just screw and forget about it. They have to carry the baby for 9 months, go through the pain of delivering it, then possibly breast feed it for however long.

[i_rebel]

I don't understand how such a simple circumstance could be distorted to literally ruin a man's life.

It boggles me. I've seen it happen more than a few times. One of my best friends, who made a decent living can no longer afford to even go out to an occasional night club. Child support takes so much of his money that he can provide for his immediate needs, and pay most of his bills on time, but nothing more.

JD, even making sure that there is some sort of understanding between a man and woman who're involved, there's no guarantee that the woman would stick to it. Once she's pregnant . . . the sperm donor is at her mercy. It sucks.

Life can be miserable after that . . . both the child support and the dead beat dad clubs hold lifetime memberships . . . with no perks . . .

[Heep]

Yeah, all you can really do is change your name and move somewhere that nobody knows you.

[i_rebel]

hahahahaaaaaaa

That's phuq'd up . . .

[i_rebel]

Heep . . .

That wouldn't even work though . . . what about your Soc. Sec. number?

Assuming a new identity can't be that easy. It's just a shame that there would be no other option for someone in such a screwy situation.

There's gotta be a better way . . .

[Heep]

Yeah really.

If only Monica Lewinsky had a baby with Billy, and forced him to pay child care...then he probly would've changed the child care policies long ago.

[texan]

or you could just accept the responsibilities that come with sex, and know that engaging in it with a fertile woman always contains the possibility of a baby. Or you could have a vasectomy. Either way, there is no blame to be assessed on the woman for needing money to help support the child you helped to create.

[Heep]

I agree, but I don't think the women should be able to get away with getting more than they need just because they want more money.

[i_rebel]

Texan I agree with you 100% . . .

Assume that for some strange reason, once you accept the responsibility of sex and that procreation is a possibility (this happens usually sometime BEFORE puberty, but I digress), you and a woman both accepting this responsibility decide to engage in SEX.

Now, since you are not ready to have a child, and you are no fool, you discuss this with your soon to be sex partner, follow?

For the sake of argument, let's also assume that your partner is no fool, and she too recognizes that having a child is the least favorable result of intercourse at the given point in time.

For all intents and purposes you two have entered a verbal agreement that you will not have a child. Ideally, the both of you, recognizing the potential pregnancy and also recognizing how much you both want to prevent that, have instituted some agreed upon method of birth control and stick to it, let's say for arguments sake . . . 97% of the time.

Accidents, mistakes, natural disasters happen, we all know this. We all recognize this . . .

My argument here is that if this partner of yours becomes pregnant . . . why should you have to support her and a child just because she, in a sudden flash of brilliance decides to keep the child that you both agreed not to create or KEEP?

Stevie B

[Moppie]

Texan and I-reble I just have to add what both of you said.
Too many people dont take sex seriously enough. No matter how much fun it is (I can think of only 1 thing thats better but you can only do it once) it has an inherant risk. The risk of pregnancy. The only form of contraception that will prevent it is steralisation.
So: If your niether you or your partner has be steralised and you enter into a sexual relationship then you are accepting the risk of getting pregnant. If you cant accept the risks, well then dont have sex.
Saying im not responsible for the child because i didnt want it, is like saying your not responsible for crashing a car becuase you didnt want too, even though you knew you were driving on the limit, and whan driving that fast there is an element of risk.

You have to be responsible for the consequences of your actions, Having sex is an action that can lead to preganancy, so you are responsible for that pregnancy, whether you wanted it or not.

[Jay!]

The man has the option of a 75¢ insurance policy: a condom. (99% effective + STD protection!) Otherwise he deserves what he gets (or what he gives up.)

No child deserves to be missing a parent.