Upgrading to Husband 1.0 (kinda long)

[nubiannupe]

I saw this some time ago, and thought it'd be amusing (and besides, I can't let KB have ALL the fun, can we??)



Dear Tech Support:

Recently I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that
the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting software,
severely limiting access to wardrobe, flower and jewelry applications that
operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. No mention of this phenomenon was
included in the product brochure.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalls many other valuable programs such
as DinnerDancing 7.5, CruiseShip 2.3, and OperaNight 6.1 and installs new,
undesirable programs such as PokerNight 1.3, Saturday Football 5.0, Golf 2.4
and ClutterEverywhere 4.5. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and invariably
crashes the system. Under no circumstances will it run DiaperChanging 14.1 or
HouseCleaning 2.6. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix Husband 1.0, but this
all purpose utility is of only limited effectiveness. Can you help, please!!

Sincerely, XXX



Dear XXX:

This is a very common problem women complain about, but it is mostly due
to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband
1.0 with no idea that Boyfriend 5.0 is merely an ENTERTAINMENT package. However,
Husband 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and was designed by its creator to run as
few applications as possible.

Further, you cannot purge Husband 1.0 and return to Boyfriend 5.0, because
Husband 1.0 is not designed to do this. Hidden operating files within your
system would cause Boyfriend 5.0 to emulate Husband 1.0, so nothing is gained.

It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the
system, once installed. Any new program files can only be installed once per
year, as Husband 1.0 has severely limited memory. Error messages are common,
and a normal part of Husband 1.0.

In desperation to play some of their "old time" favorite applications, or
to get new applications to work, some women have tried to install Boyfriend 6.0,
or Husband 2.0. However, these women end up with more problems than encountered
with Husband 1.0.

Look in your manual under "Warnings: Divorce/Child Support." You will notice
that this program runs very poorly, and comes bundled with HeartBreak 1.3. I
recommend you keep Husband 1.0, and just learn the quirks of this strange and
illogical system.

Having Husband 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire
section regarding General Partnership Faults [GPFs]. This is a wonderful feature of
Husband 1.0, secretly installed by the parent company as an integral part of the
operating system.

Husband 1.0 must assume ALL responsibility for ALL faults and problems, regardless
of root cause. To activate this great feature enter the command

"C: I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME".

Sometimes Tears 6.2 must be run simultaneously while entering the command.
Husband 1.0 should then run the applications Apologize 12.3 and Flowers/Chocolates 7.8.

TECH TIP! Avoid excessive use of this feature. Overuse can create additionaland
more serious GPFs, and ultimately YOU may have to give a C: I APOLOGIZE command before
the system will return to normal operations. Overuse can also cause Husband 1.0 to
default to GrumpySilence 2.5, or worse yet, to Beer 6.0.

Beer 6.0 is a very bad program that causes Husband 1.0 to create FatBelly
files and Snoring Loudly wave files that are very hard to delete. Save yourself some
trouble by following this tech tip!

Just remember! The system will run smoothly, and take the blame for all
GPFs, but because of this fine feature it can only intermittently run all the
applications Boyfriend 5.0 ran. Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it
does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.

Consider buying additional software to improve performance. I personally
recommend HotFood 3.0, Lingerie 5.3 and Patience 10.1. Used in conjunction, these
utilities can really help keep Husband 1.0 running smoothly.

After several years of use, Husband 1.0 will become familiar and you will
find many valuable embedded features such as FixBrokenThings 2.1, Snuggling 4.2
and BestFriend 7.6.

A final word of caution! Do NOT, under any circumstances, install MotherInLaw 1.0.
This is not a supported application, and will cause selective shutdown of the operating
system. Husband 1.0 will run only Fishing 9.4 and Hunting 5.2 until MotherInLaw 1.0 is
uninstalled.

I hope these notes have helped. Thank you for choosing to install Husband
1.0 and we here at Tech Support wish you the best of luck in coming years.

We trust you will learn to fully enjoy this product!

Tech Support

[kris]

Mine was better.

[nubiannupe]

I know.... that's the reason I posted that one. :frog:

[taranaki]

Suggest uyour problem may be located in FATfiles? Caution:do not attempt to purge Fat files with Diet v.1.1 entire motherboard will become extremely unstable.Try running Stockings v 7.1 by fishnet .com under Thighboots Command System.That should perk up the hard drive.With reference to motherinlaw this is a very nasty virus, if you get it,reboot several times.If you run Lingerie5.3 with Windows open watch out for stray Mackintosh users defragging in the background.If you have tried all this and you are still not getting the RAM you require ,or if husband 1.0 has only been supplied in 3 1/2" floppy,suggest you upgrade husband 1.0 to husband ME.

[gang$tarr]

is this a nerd thing??

LOL j/k

[1989 DX R]

Its a parody...yes its a nerd thing.

[kris]

Originally posted by gang$tarr
is this a nerd thing??

LOL j/k

yeah, so you should get it just fine.

[Rich]

Originally posted by gang$tarr
is this a nerd thing??

LOL j/k

yes, yes it is

:hehe: :hehe: