The "English" language...

[tonioseven]

If you ever feel stupid, then just read on. If you've
learned to speak fluent English, you must be a genius!
This little treatise on the lovely language we share
is only for the brave. Peruse at your leisure, English
lovers.

Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn:

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more
refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the
desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought
it was time to present the present.

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to
row.

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are
present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer
line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow
to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail

18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.

19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a
tear.

20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate
friend?


There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;
neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins
weren't invented in England or French fries in France.
Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't
sweet, are meat.

Quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are square and a
guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And
why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing,
grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural
of booth beeth?
One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? Doesn't it
seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of
all but one of them, what do you call it? Is it an
odd, or an end?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a
vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian
eat? In what language do people recite at a play and
play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by
ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,
while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You
have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in
which your house can burn up as it burns down, in
which you fill in a form by filling it out and in
which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it
reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of
course, is not a race at all.

That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible,
but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

P.S. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"?

[YellowMaranello]

Originally posted by tonioseven
And
why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing

"They call 'em fingers but I ain't never seen em fing.....





Oh, there they go."

[grimmy]

so you dont come around for a while and you think you will make up for it by making a couple of reposts?
at least repost something funny

[audi&benz]

Originally posted by YellowMaranello


"They call 'em fingers but I ain't never seen em fing.....





Oh, there they go."

HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA that is hilarious. What is that from anyway?

[taranaki]

Originally posted by grimmy
so you dont come around for a while and you think you will make up for it by making a couple of reposts?
at least repost something funny

Profile For tonioseven

Date Registered: 06-28-2002

Threads Started: 150





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Date Registered: 08-13-2002

Threads Started: 6


If you can do better grimmy,bring it on!

[tonioseven]

Life is good right now

Thanks 'Naki!

[Sean]

fingers finging.. hehe

profile for naki:

theads started: 1266

[trevolutionist]

Originally posted by tonioseven
Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"?

it does..... wait.... no that's just me... you just change the way you say quick to Q-ick... ok i have no life...

[grimmy]

sorry antonio i was being an ass.
naki teh ownage still stings, i tried to wash it off but it wouldn't go away

[YogsVR4]

Its been awhile since I've read some of those "quirks" of English. Thanks for the refresher

[2strokebloke]

P.S. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"?

Maybe because "rhyme" isn't actually a word, but rime is?

[Nrbumgard]

Now that was funny.