07-16-2003, 04:03 AM
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Quote:
From Jaz Fresh (A name, I can't help observing, that - excellently - sounds like a type of lavatory cleaner.)
At the very tip of the Coromandel Peninsula in New Zealand, there is a remote camping ground, far removed from running water and electricity, yet not without a decent sewage treatment facility. The communal toilet for the camping ground was essentially just a big hole in the ground (a 'long-drop'), but it was chemically treated to reduce the smell and provide a more hygienic way of laying the foundations to a log cabin. All in all, not a bad experience, considering there's no running water or electricity to mechanically remove any deposits. Late one night, the sky being completely overcast and therefore black as a miner's armpit, I had to go for a visit, and took with me a green glowstick to light my way (Glowsticks seem to defy science. The give off an extremely bright light, but that light is emitted at some magical frequency that doesn't reflect off anything. Although they can burn a hole the size of a pencil in the back of your retina, you can't see anything /with/ them, and therefore they're completely bloody useless). After a long walk of stubbing my toes against rocks that the wretched glowstick wouldn't illuminate, I reached the toilet and took a piss, squinting in vain at the vague outline of a hole I could barely see. After I'd finished, the black hole of the long drop wakened my sense of curiosity. How far down was the drop? What did they put in there so it didn't smell? Ok, so my sense of curiosity was a bit sleepy. But I'd decided to find out how deep it was anyway, and knowing that the damn glowstick wouldn't prevent any more stubbed toes on the way back, I dropped it down the hole and peered over. It had landed about 8 feet down, and sunk a little way into the muck already accumulated. Now the bottom of the long drop was glowing bright green (think of that scene when Superman finds the green glowing rod in the hay barn, except instead of hay, it's human faeces) and looking not a million miles away from the sort of radioactive waste dumps in comic books that turn innocuous earthworms into those giant monster worms from Dune. I hurriedly left. On my way back, I passed young girl heading up towards the toilet. My face winced as I realised what was about to happen. Sure enough, a minute later I heard a shriek, a door slamming, and the sound of small feet running very fast.
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Good stuff 
