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#1
11-11-2001, 04:23 PM
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Reliable Diet Advice
Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap. Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables? A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay And corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable slop. Q: Is beer or wine bad for me? A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables. As we all know, scientists divide everything in the world into three categories: animal, mineral, and vegetable. We all know that beer and wine are not animal, and they are not on the periodic table of elements, so that only leaves one thing, right? My advice: Have a burger and a beer and enjoy your liquid vegetables. Q: How can I calculate my body fat ratio? A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc. Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program? A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain -- Good. Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you? A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. The fact is they're permeated with it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you? Q: What's the secret to healthy eating? A: Thicker gravy. Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle? A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach. I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had 
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#3
11-11-2001, 05:40 PM
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Got some more reliable dietary advice for you.
Just make sure that whenever you eat a piece of cake or a biscuit, or anything like that, just break it in half or cut it open. This way the calories leak out and therefore they all escape meaning that you can eat as much as you want and never gain an ounce!! Gotta love calorie leakage!!!! :hehehe:  
__________________
My latest ride! 1998 Nissan Skyline R34 GT-t 
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#5
11-11-2001, 05:44 PM
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That's right, you got it in one! It works for any food that's fattening!!
__________________
My latest ride! 1998 Nissan Skyline R34 GT-t
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#7
11-11-2001, 09:47 PM
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Quote:
__________________
 ________________________________________ Mark Brown 1991 Volkswagen Jetta (1.8L I4/5-speed/FWD)
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#8
01-28-2002, 11:53 PM
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I was taking this serious until I got to the 4th one
I was going WTF??? ....but really was not sure until #4. That was f**kin' hilarious though :hehe:
__________________
---------------------LX98Civic ---------------- nemesls_2000 ------- civickid77----------------  ---  --- --- -- Sleeper in the middle -- --- --- ---
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