Cop Jokes

[autofan]

Anybody know any good ones? Here's one for starters:
State Trooper stops a SYT (Sweet Young Thing), with one in the passenger seat, and asks for her license. Turning on her charm and a radiant smile, the SYT says, "Officer, I know I was speeding, but if you'll let me off with a verbal warning, I'll buy some tickets to the Troopers Ball."

Trooper says, "Troopers don't have balls, ma'm."

Dead silence for 5 seconds.

Trooper shakes his head, hands license back to the SYT, and walks back to his car and drives off.

[autofan]

Here's another one:

A guy has been chased by a cop for a while along a winding but deserted stretch in the middle of the night. He finally decided that he is not getting away and pulled over. The cop, a little impressed with the guy's driving, promised to give the guy a break if he can come up with a good excuse.
The execuse was: My wife ran away with a cop last week. I thought you are bringing her back.

He got away.



Ok now, let's do it guys.
Just go on the web and search out the cop jokes, then post em here. It will be fun :smoker2:

[GOD]

LOL thats funny as shit

[carman]

Funny stuff

here's some more.


Ten Signs Your Partner Needs A Vacation


10. Every Tuesday he insists it's his turn to be the siren.
9. He is starting to develop a crush on one of the transvestite hookers he arrested.
8. He wants to transfer to a K-9 unit because he thinks he'd look good in a collar.
7. He wants you to call him "Judge Dredd", and he insists that all suspects should be executed right there on the spot.
6. He talk to himself. Half of him is the "good cop", and the other half is the "bad cop".
5. He keeps asking you if his bullet proof vest makes him look fat.
4. He is exchanging donut recipes with complete strangers.
3. The perpetrators beg him to stop talking about his hemorrhoids.
2. He wants to hear less talk and more music on the police channel.
1. He keeps handcuffing himself by accident!!





The Helpful Wife


A male driver is pulled over by a cop and the following conversation takes place:
Man: What's the problem officer?
Cop: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone.
Man: No sir, I was going 65.
Wife: Oh Harry. You were going 80.
(Man gives his wife a dirty look.)
Cop: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light.
Man: Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light!
Wife: Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks.
(Man gives his wife a dirty look.)
Cop: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt.
Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car.
Wife: Oh Harry, you never wear your seat belt.
Man: Shut your mouth, woman!
Cop: Ma'am, does your husband always talk to you this way?
Wife: No, only when he's drunk.







In Hot Pursuit

Two girlfriends were speeding down the highway at well over a 100 miles per hour.
"Hey," asked the brunette at the wheel, "see any cops following us?"
The blonde turned around for a long look. "As a matter of fact, I do."
"Oh, NOOOO!" yelled the brunette. "Are his flashers on?"
The blonde turned around again. "Yup...nope...yup...nope...yup..."



this is nuff for now.

[igor@af]

LOL :sun:

The last one is especially good

[autofan]

Now this is ridiculous you guys

Where is everyone???

Post some jokes.. comon.

[Porsche]

The last one was funny.

[Dillweed]

There was one guy from car forums who had a cool signature. It went something like this:

Cop: Do you know how fast you were doing back there?
Me: No, my speedometer stops at 120.


I thought it was a cool one

[johnny]

Shit. Hell yeah, I like to joke around. Anything so that I can get outta a ticket. Except maybe anything sexual... lol

[primera man]

like the blonde one

[YogsVR4]

In the spirit of ripping jokes off the net....

A cop on horseback is at a traffic light and next to him is a kid on his bike.
The cop smiles and says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Santa bring that to you?"
The kid looks up and says, "Yeah."
The cop says, "Tell Santa next year to put a taillight on that bike."
The kid says, "Nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"
The cop smiles and continues his light-heartedness, "Sure did."
The kid says, "Well, tell Santa next year to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top."

[DVSNCYNIKL]

Here go a few amusing ones I found.

Speed Trap?
Item in Berwickshire Gazette - November 11th 1998

A report has revealed that two traffic patrol officers from North Berwick were involved in an unusual incident whilst checking for speeding motorists on the A1 road between Oldhamstocks and Grantshouse.

Last May, they were using a hand-held radar device to trap unwary motorists on the Edinburgh to London trunk road. One of the unnamed officers used the device to check the speed of an approaching vehicle, and was surprised to find that his target had registered a speed in excess of 300 miles per hour.

The #5000 machine then seized up and could not be reset by the bemused PC's. The radar had in fact latched on to a NATO Tornado aircraft in the North Sea, which was taking part in a simulated low-flying exercise over the Borders and Southern Scotland.

Following a complaint by Sir William Sutherland, Chief Constable of the Lothian & Borders Police force to the RAF liaison office, it was revealed that the officers had a lucky escape - the tactical computer on board the aircraft not only detected and jammed the "hostile" radar equipment, but had automatically armed a Maverick air-to-ground missile ready to neutralise the perceived threat. Luckily the Dutch pilot was alerted to the missile status and was able to override the automatic protection system before the missile launched.



Speeding Ticket

A judge had just fined a man $25 for speeding. When the judge gave the man the receipt, the man yelled sarcastically, 'What am I supposed to do with this...frame it?!?!?!' The judge replied, 'No, keep it, when you get three you get a bicycle.'

Stopped for speeding

The car was pulled over by a highway patrolwoman for speeding.

As the officer was writing the ticket, she noticed several machetes in the car. "What are those for?" she asked suspiciously.

"I'm a juggler," the man replied. "I use those in my act."

"Well, show me," the officer demanded.

The juggler took out the machetes and started juggling them; first three, then more until he was tossing seven at one time, overhand, underhand, behind the back, putting on a dazzling show in the breakdown lane and amazing the officer.

Just then, another car passed by. The driver did a double take, and said, "My God. I've got to give up drinking! Look at the test they're giving now."

[YogsVR4]

OH NO! That last one was so lame it was funny!

[DVSNCYNIKL]

Originally posted by YogsVR4
OH NO! That last one was so lame it was funny!

I thought so too, which is why I had to put it in.

[pulsarETwanB]

okay guys this one is a bit shitty,,,,,

NASTIE OFFICER

A man is driving along a road when he comes to a stop sign..... he decides not to stop and proceedes slowly with caution... as he gets through, out of no-where he see's red n blue lights flashing, he thinks to himself F*ck! and pulls the car over..... the officer comes to the car and says to the man "u didnt stop at the stop back there" the man replies "officer please i slowed down..." the officer pulls out his club and starts to vigourusly beat the man over the head with it, after a fair flogging the officer then says to the man "now would you preffer me to STOP or slow down!?!" :silly2:


ta daa.....