Let's start a joke thread

[FlippiN.af]

Originally Posted by loeman

Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own. One day a few weeks later, Bill came home and his wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong.
"What's wrong, Bill?" she asked. "Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?" "Oh, Bill, you didn't!" she exclaimed.
"Yes, I did." he replied. "My God, Bill, what happened?"
"I got fired." "No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?" "Oh...she got fired too."

That ones the funniest.

[FlippiN.af]

A Southern small-town prosecutor called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you." The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?" She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him." The defense attorney almost died. The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench, and in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you bastards asks her if she knows me, I'll throw your sorry asses in jail for contempt."

[FlippiN.af]

Heres a funny one:
An Asian man walked into the currency exchange in New York City with 2000 yen and walked out with $72. The following week, he walked in with 2000 yen, and was handed $66. He asked the teller why he got less money that week than the previous week.

The teller said, “Fluctuations.”

The Asian man stormed out, and just before slamming the door, turned around and shouted, “Fluc you Amelicans, too!”

[GForce957]

hahah

[FlippiN.af]

A Zen master visiting New York City goes up to a hot dog vendor and says, "Make me one with everything."
The hot dog vendor fixes a hot dog and hands it to the Zen master, who pays with a $20 bill.
The vendor puts the bill in the cashbox and closes it. "Excuse me, but where’s my change?" asks the Zen master.
The vendor responds, "Change must come from within."

[twospirits]

TS out

[FlippiN.af]

This post is arbitrary.

[GForce957]

It made me smile

[666_speed]

okay....i deleted it

[FlippiN.af]

A Texas businessman is in town to meet with a large Japanese corporation. The meeting is set for a golf course the next day, so that night, the Texan decides to get some entertainment in the form of a hooker. Considering his meeting, he selects a Japanese hooker.

While they are having sex, she keeps screaming, “Ding Wa! Ding Wa!” Thinking that this must mean “great” or “awesome,” he prepares to use it to impress his business associates.

So the next day, while golfing, one of the Japanese men tees it up and gets a hole in one! The Texan looks at him and says, “Ding Wa!”

The Japanese man looks up curiously and asks, “What do you mean "wrong hole?"

[D[X]P]

hahahh stuff so funny

[FlippiN.af]

A couple is on their honeymoon and the new bride tells her husband to be gentle because she is a virgin. Shocked, the groom says, “but you’ve been married three times before.”

“Yeah,” she says, “but my first husband was a psychologist and only wanted to talk about it, my second husband was a gynecologist and only wanted to look at it, and my third husband was a stamp collector and only wanted to…God, I miss him.”

After a moment of silence, she then turns to her newest husband and says, “And since you’re an attorney I know I’m going to get f***ed.”

[Damien]

^heard it many times, but it never gets old!

[FlippiN.af]

One day after striking gold in Alaska, a lonesome miner came down from the mountains and walked into a saloon in the nearest town. “I’m lookin’ for the meanest, toughest, roughest hooker in the Yukon,” he said to the bartender.

“We got her,” replied the bartender. “She’s upstairs in the second room on the right.”

The miner handed the bartender a gold nugget to pay for the hooker and two beers. He grabbed the bottles, stomped up the stairs, kicked open the door and yelled, “I’m looking for the meanest, roughest, toughest hooker in the Yukon.”

The woman inside the room looked at the miner and said, “Well, you found her.” Then she stripped naked, bent over and grabbed her ankles.

“How do you know I want that position first?” asked the miner.

“I don’t,” replied the hooker, “I just thought you might like to open those beers first.”

[bh04]

I never read through all of the posts but i'll give it a try. Hopefully this ones hasn't been said.

An elephant walks up to a camel and says, "Now i've seen it all, you seem to have breasts on your back." The camel replied, "thats funny coming from someone who has there d**k attatched to there face."

It was funny the first time I heard it.