Let's start a joke thread

[sv650s]

Originally Posted by clawhammer

The last 3 jokes were hilarious. Keep it up guys.

Here's a blond joke:
http://www.s2ki.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=357274

you bastard!

[mike1224]

What Is Politics? Son: Dad, I have to do a special report for school. Can I ask you a question?
Father: Sure, son. What's the question?
Son: What is politics?
Father: Well, let's take our home for example. I am the wage earner, so let's call me “Tony Blair.” Your mother is the administrator of money, so we'll call her “Gordon Brown.” We take care of your needs, so we'll call you “the People.” We'll call the maid “the Working Class,” and your baby brother we can call “the Future.” Do you understand, son?
Son: I'm not really sure, Dad. I'll have to think about it.

That night, awakened by his baby brother's crying, the boy went to see what was wrong. Discovering that the baby had seriously soiled his diaper, the boy went to his parents' room and found his mother sound asleep. He went to the maid's room where, peeking through the keyhole, he saw his father in bed with the maid. The boy's knocking went totally unheeded by his father and the maid, so the boy returned to his room and went back to sleep. The next morning he reported to his father.
Son: Dad, now I think I understand what politics is.
Father: Good, son! Can you explain it to me in your own words?
Son: Well, dad, while Tony Blair is screwing the Working Class, Gordon Brown is sound asleep, the People are being completely ignored and the Future is full of shit.





--makes sense to me

[mike1224]

Seasick Mr. Johnson had been retired for a year when his wife of fifty years suggested they take a cruise: "We could go somewhere for a week, and make wild love like we did when we were young!" He thought it over and agreed.
He put on his hat and went down to the pharmacy, where he bought a bottle of seasick pills and a box of condoms. Upon returning home, his wife said ''I've been thinking. There is no reason we can't go for a month." So Mr. Johnson went back to the pharmacy and asked for twelve bottles of seasick pills and a box of condoms. When he returned his wife said, ''You know, since the children are on their own, what's stopping us from cruising the world?"
So back to the pharmacy he went, and brought 297 bottles of seasick pills and the same amount of condoms up to the counter. The pharmacist finally had to ask. "You know, Mr. Johnson, you have been doing business with me for over thirty years. I certainly don't mean to pry, but if it makes you that sick, why the hell do you do it?"

[mike1224]

Hair Spray: Can You Dig It? A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole." The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole." The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. Then he stuffs the worm back into the hole. The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hair spray and runs into the house. Thirty minutes later, the grandfather comes back out and hands the little boy another five dollars. The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars." The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your grandma."

[mike1224]

Originally Posted by sv650s

you bastard!

hell i gave up after the third link......

[drewh4386]

Originally Posted by clawhammer

The last 3 jokes were hilarious. Keep it up guys.

Here's a blond joke:
http://www.s2ki.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=357274

hmmmmm......no....i didnt like it.



Wheres the joke?........




j/k

[FlippiN.af]

A drunk is driving through the city and his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over.

“So,” says the cop to the driver, “where have you been?”

“I’ve been to the pub,” slurs the drunk.

“Well,” says the cop, “it looks like you’ve had quite a few.”

“I did all right,” the drunk says with a smile.

“Did you know,” says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms, “that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?”

“Oh, thank heavens,” sighs the drunk. “For a minute there, I thought I’d gone deaf.”

[driftinggrifter2]

Originally Posted by drewh4386

hmmmmm......no....i didnt like it.



Wheres the joke?........




j/k

It's almost like.....How do you keep a blonde in suspense put you have to do it to blonde for it be funny. They almost always go for it

[FlippiN.af]

Couple of blond jokes:
A blonde who suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly, opens the door, and, sure enough, finds him naked in the arms of a redhead. Well, now she’s angry. She opens her purse and takes out the gun. But as she does so, she is overcome with grief and points the gun at her own head.

The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don’t do it."

"Shut up," she says. "You’re next."



A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blond female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house. A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox and again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?”

To which she replied, “There certainly is!”

My stupid computer keeps saying, “You’ve got mail!”

[stieh2000]

Originally Posted by clawhammer

Here's a blond joke:
http://www.s2ki.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=357274

That is by far the longest joke I have ever come across. GOOD GOD!

Now for some jokes of my own:

Now I'm sure you've all heard the joke "what's the difference between a Corvette/other fancy car of choice and a pile of dead babies - I don't have a Corvette in my garage."

Well, whats the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Camaro?

I only have 1 Camaro.

Now whats the difference between my Camaro and the pile of dead babies?

1) My Camaro fits in my garage
2) My Camaro is only one color.
3) My Camaro doesn't leak any fluids.
4) My Camaro only holds up to 16 gallons of gasoline.
5) You have to stand next to my Camaro to smell the fumes.
6) My Camaro weighs under 2 tons.
7) My Camaro is not for sale.
8) I'm not up all night working on my Camaro.
9) My Camaro was made with some rubber (think about it- rubber)
10) The glass in my camaro isn't little tiny shards.

(I'll add more as I think of them)

[SLoe]

An elderly couple was attending church services, about halfway
through she leans over and says, " I just let a silent fart. What do
you think I should do?" He replies " Put a new battery in your hearing
aid."

[Muscletang]

Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?

Because everybody who can run, jump, and sprint is already in the U.S.

[SLoe]

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their
parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

The next day the kids came back and 1 by 1 began to tell their
stories.
"Johnny, do you have a story to share?"

"Yes ma'am. My daddy told a story about my Aunt Barbara. She was a
pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy
territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol and a
survival knife.

She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and
then her parachute landed right in the middle of twenty enemy troops. She
shot fifteen of them with the gun until she ran out of bullets, killed four
more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last
Iraqi with her bare hands."

"Good Heavens" said the horrified teacher. "What kind of moral did
your daddy tell you from this horrible story?"




"Stay the hell away from Aunt Barbara when she's drinking."

[FlippiN.af]

Three guys are sitting in a bar, all very drunk and bragging about their families.

First guy says, “I’ve got four strong boys, one more and I’ll have a basketball team!”

Second guy says, “That’s nothing. I have eight children, one more and I’ll have a baseball team!”

Third guy says, “You guys have no idea about true happiness! I’ve got 17 wives. One more and I’ll have a golf course!”

[drewh4386]

Originally Posted by FlippiN.af

Three guys are sitting in a bar, all very drunk and bragging about their families.

First guy says, “I’ve got four strong boys, one more and I’ll have a basketball team!”

Second guy says, “That’s nothing. I have eight children, one more and I’ll have a baseball team!”

Third guy says, “You guys have no idea about true happiness! I’ve got 17 wives. One more and I’ll have a golf course!”

I bet he is always many strokes over par also....