Problems in my Life

[MagicRat]

I think you are on the right track here. It takes two to make up a relationship, so she is likely seeing him because she lacks something with you. I am sure it was not always this way, given the 4 years together.

The goal , of course would be to regain whatever the two of you had that encouraged you to get married in the first place.

Don't get mad. Get a commitment from her that the two of you need to rebuild your life together, and go from there. It sounds as if her job is brutal. Shift work has ruined marriages in the past just for this reason.
It is doubly worse when she is on call all the time.
Suggest she gets a more stable 9-5 job, where you and her both have evenings free. Spend time together and whatever you did together brfore things went bad.
Consider a marriage counsellor, too.

[asterox]

Sorry to hear about your marriage. I'm not married or divorced but I've had some older friends who have gotten divorced... here's what I think they would say:

I would do two things asap...

1) Talk to a divorce lawyer, even if you are not certain about divorcing. As you said, information is ammunition. Have the divorce lawyer refer you to a...
2) Therapist.

Some guys seem to think this is your fault. If the marriage doesn't work out, that's something that both of you share in. Both of you want it to work, but at some level, as a couple you are not capable of this type of relationship.

Infidelity is another fish altogether. If her needs were not being met it is her responsiblity to make you aware of them. Sleeping with another guy is not acceptable, in fact it's technically not legal in most states.

Take it a day at a time but keep moving. Keep doing what is routine for you as that will be the greatest source of solace. Avoid things or people that make you sad, hang out with some single guys and enjoy life sans wife... it is still very good.

[Atomis27]

Thanks for the fresh replies, y'all. It's nice to know folks still care in this old world.

It's pretty much inevitable at this point that we will be divorcing. She served me papers last Wednesday, intending for me to sign them right then and there. She was quite upset that I did not.

And I don't intend to, certainly not until they read how I want them to read. She is trying to make me pay for half of the filing fees, and I most certainly will not. I proposed the separation to try and give her time to get her head on straight, and it took her just shy of a month to figure she didn't want to be a wife anymore, period. She wants the divorce, therefore she pays for the damn thing.

I am in the frame of mind right now that I want this crazy woman out of my life, but not so urgently that I agree to anything to have it done. There's not anything I want to do that I can't do because I'm still legally married, so I'm going to take the time to get it right.

She's going to do them papers like I agree to, or she'll just have to suffer with me.

[97civiclx]

if i were i would give her as much hassle with the divorce as i could. itwould be just a small way to pay her back

[Atomis27]

Here I am, back to stir stuff up.

First, to address some things. At this point, the divorce is all but done with. The papers have been signed (after they were altered to my satisfaction, of course) and the 30 day wait is ticking down.

Second, I'm not sure I'd ever want to do anything with this bitch again. I shall relate yesterday to you, and let you decide.
Since we would make the trip home to see our folks fairly regularly, we would occasionally leave items at either one of our parents' houses, intending to get them later. She had left a small lapel pin relating to one of her many work activities at my folks' house, and being that I wanted every trace of her out of that building, I decided to get it and give it back to her.

I got to her office yesterday after work, and handed her the pin. She then, being the chatterbox she is, proceeded to tell me all about what she'd been up to, including a plane trip to Florida with the guy she'd been spending so much time with, for a weekend, to see the Cirque de Soleil. Stayed in one hotel room and everything.

Granted, I should not be surprised about anything she does anymore. Still, the divorce is not yet final, and it is disconcerting to me and disrespectful of her to act like such a little whore. I had a short talk with her about this, and she simply is incapable of seeing any other point of view but her own, which is that everything she does is okay.

I think I'm going to end up hating the sight, sound, and very mention of this woman for a long time. And if I ever lay eyes on her little buttfuckin' boyfriend....

Anyway, that's the news from my end of the world. Stay tuned for the thrilling conclusion.

[okie-chevy-man]

Sounds like things are going good for you now. I read about half of your first story and thought this bitch was cheating. then i thought i would give her the benefit of the doubt and read the rest of the sory..only to conclude that the bitch was cheating.
and to the 17 year old that said to smack the bitch, grow up. if you cant put a serious reply then keep it to yourself.
Man i only have one piece of advice for you.
go to a titty bar! have fun fuck her its about you now.

[girlie97gt]

From a female point of view it sounds like she had been cheating on you for while before you two decided to get divorced. To bad that you divorce is almost final... Cause you could of take her for everything she is worth for abodoment of a marriage and for adultary as well and most judge's would see this in your favor since you did do everything in your power to make things work..

But anyway to late for that now.. I am really glad to see that you are doing well... and that you have your life starting back on track again.. Sounds like you have the right mind frame.. Hey if you want let me know where she works i will go beat her ass for you.. ha ha ha .. It does sound like she is a little girl who is refusing to grow up.. and one day she will realize that she did throw a good thing away.. she will be kicking herself in the ass for it.. cause there is no one to blame but herself.

And for you in your earlier threads you may want to go seek anger management if you get so angry that you have a hard time controlling youself.. Just for yourself and future girlfriends... Keep your head up though there is a light at the end of the tunnel and we all learn from our life experiences.. Just look at this as a lesson learned the wrong way.. Now you know what not to look for..

Good luck man and keep all of us posted~!!!!

[TexasF355F1]

I'm glad to hear things are moving right along for you. It still sucks that it all happened. I can kind of relate to your story from an outsiders point of view. My roomates parents got divorced and his mom is almost the same way. She's a damn cynical bitch and I hate her. She's so fake it makes me sick. And its even worse that she lied and is still lying to her kids. His dad is a great guy. All he got out of the divorce was the matress and his tools out of the garage. I hope you came out better than that.

I have to disagree with you, girlie97gt, on being able to take her to the cleaners. My roomates dad had all sorts of proof of her cheating on him, including a P.I., there is nothing that can really be done. He didn't get shit as I mentioned.

Anyhow, best of luck to you Atomis. Keep us updated.

[Steel]

Not really an expert on this, but if you can prove she cheated on you before the marriage was over, she won't get hardly any money. I dunno if she's trying to milk you or anything, but keep that in mind.

Like I said before.. i wish things didn't have to happen this way for you. You're truly living my (and your's too) nightmare. Best of luck man.

[Atomis27]

Thanks for the well wishes, guys.

Our divorce was as amiable as one could be, I guess. We basically did it in such way that there was no disputes on property unless both of us wanted it, and there was none of that.

I got away with a little more than a mattress and some tools, although I didn't get a mattress. There was no conflict over money, as we earned close to the same amount overall, so that required only a simple split of the bank account. My biggest task was to find a place to lay my head at night, being that I couldn't kick her ass out of our apartment because that apartment came with her job. I ended up finding a place relatively quickly, though, so that was all ok.

It helped immensely having family that jumped to make sure I had what I needed when I needed it, whether I realized I needed it or not. We moved me in one day, loading 3 pickups with my possessions, and did it without her even knowing I was doing it. Ninja movers.

Well, on to life! Conclusion coming soon, stay tuned.

[gtkriss]

man,... I feel for ya, fuck that bitch... The best thing you can do is this... cut off all contact with her, but stay in contact soem of her friends... Get back to the gym, and marry a super hot girl that treats you much better. After all this is squared away and done, just "happen to bump into her," by knowing wheer she will be, (because you are still on good relations with some of your mutual friends) and show her that you have a better chick, life, and better body than you ever did before.. rub it in her face.. revenge is sweet.. make her hurt by thinking," maybe dumping sean was a bad idea..." trust me, it will always make you feel better... and look at it this way, your 24, and SINGLE! You have a lot of time to get your life back together (at least your not say, 35 or 40...) but most of all, when you get back out into the dating scene (when your ready) remember why things turned out the way they did, and never, ever let it happen again... another lesson to be learned is, "always get out first.." Good luck, keep us posted.

[publicenemy137]

yea you got your whole life ahead of you still. You're a free man!!! It may hurt but it would have happened sooner or later, better sooner so you wouldn't have custody battles...

My uncle just went through a painful divorce also, he was married to his wife for around 4 years similar to you, but he has a son. It is a really long story but basically it was a money issue thing, his wife's mom kept donating money to the church and kept wanting her son-in-law's money to give it to the church. Eventually he got fed up with it and tried talking to his wife to talk to her mom, well she got upset and told him that she can't trust him anymore because he's greedy and all about money. So they got divorced, and she has his son now . He pays child support every month, and including the special education that his son needs (a speech class). He pays a ridiculous amount, I don't remember, but I think it amounted to over $2000 a month. That would suck, not being able to raise and see your child grow...

[Steel]

publicenemy: man.. that just sounds like your uncles wife was using that as an excuse. I have very acute "bullshit excuse radar" for women.

[BigJustinZ28]

just keep moving on , im glad the divorce went somewhat smoothly for you , just get back out on the scene and have some fun , thats all you can do man. Good luck

[Atomis27]

I did search, and did not find this. I also don't remember it coming up in my read-through of the OT archives a few months ago. So if it is indeed a repost, rest assured it's not for lack of trying.

Look here, fellow men, and see. NoMarriage.com