Need some advice: girl, love, stuff

[l_eclipse_l]

Originally Posted by Shpyder

Relationships have an epicenter of compromise...the more similar-minded the individuals, the less compromise there is, and the less struggly to achieve stabililty and peace. However, if the differences are great enough, and a greater degree of compromise is required, depending on how much each is willing to give up, there can be a problem to the point where the very essence of the relationship must be questioned...

Shypder you are so intelligent with your responses, it's hard not to think your some super genious just posing as a college student lol. Sorry for the OT post, but I had to point that out as it was the first thing that popped into my head after reading this thread.

David, I agree a lot with what Thor said. Almost 100%. The one thing that I would change with his view on things, is the whole mail situation. If she has nothing to hide, then she shouldn't get pissed about you looking through it. However, you shouldn't feel you need to or there is a problem right away. The fact is, she lied to you. That to me is grounds for termination...but not on a first offense. If she tells you she won't do it again, then you need to believe her and give her a second chance. If she does it again, "bye, have a nice life". Everyone makes mistakes, it's the repeat offenders that get no sympothy.

[david-b]

So we were texting each other all day as usual (I was at school and she was at school and work). We were fine, then she said out of nowhere she regrets somethings she's said. I'm like what. She goes and tells me that she regrets what she told her ex, like when she decided to go with me over him. She hurt him, and she said she would never do that. I was there for her and all.

I then asked if she had talked to him recently. She said no, but has heard stuff from other people about him. I know for a fact that was a lie. The we were talking and I said I can't have him around because of what happened last time. She started getting angry and we got in a fight. I was trying to get her to talk but she said she was shutting off her phone and she did.

She always runs away like that. See, the thing is, I don't get mad. I don't yell and scream or anything. We I do get mad I give people the silent treatment or physically fight, (but not with girls). She flips out over everything and tried to put it all on me. Like everything is my fault.

I see where you're coming from Thor. I don't tell her what to do. But having an ex around is bad. Ok, I would come over and we would do something, then she would send me home and hang out with him and his friends. That's not right.... at all!!

I know going through email is bad. She can go threw mine, and she has. I have nothing to hide though. I keep logs on all my emails and all so I know when people log into my stuff, (and their ip address ;-) ). But I knew something was up. The other night she had her phone on the table and I took it to put it in my pocket because we were leaving like I always do. She takes it quickly from me, looked like she deleted something or locked something, then gave me the phone. Right there, it shows she's hiding something.

[gthompson97]

I agree with both Thor and | eclipse |, if this was a first time deal (lieing to you and such) then I would give her another chance, but the fact that she has done it multiple times, AND kissed her ex, that'd the the last straw with me.

Maybe you should print this page off and give it to her, it might sink in a little more if she reads all these posts. That'd be my "read this, and I'm not kidding, this is the last time" move pertaining to this situation.

[cavyboy23]

WOW Like there's soo much you can do, honestly man i would get rid of her even after 11 months she kissed her ex? thats when i would end it like she probably is always gonna have feelings for him if she cant stop talking to him who cares if you went threw her emails and found stuff out at least you kno now and you can leave her for a reason and when you do leave her no offence she'll probably go back to her ex and he'll hurt her again and she'll try comming back to you and personally i wouldnt take her back i been in this situation before a little bit diffrent though but do what you thinks right shes lying to you, Treating you like crap, wont even listen to what you have to say imean its your call but i say kick her to the curb

[gthompson97]

Wow, that's one LONG ASS sentence

[cavyboy23]

Originally Posted by gthompson97

Wow, that's one LONG ASS sentence

Sorry I suck at grammar

[Blackcrow64]

Ohh David... You and I have so much in common at the moment...

Here's a quick little story about me and my ex. We were together for 2 years and I was in complete love with this girl. I was ready to marry her and settle down and be happy. I did everything for that girl and treated her better than any other human has ever treated her. For a while it seemed as though she treated me with the same respect... Then along came Myspace... Myspace was the demise of our relationship. It opened to her an entire world of "new" guys that she never knew and never should have known. Of course the whole boyfriend girlfriend thing played out through that as well. We both had each others udernames and passwords, etc. One day while browsing through her messages I noticed she was getting pretty flirtatious with other guys. I questioned it and got a very angry response as to me "snooping" through her shit. I told her that she should have nothing to hide from me. Now let me throw in here that I never wronged this girl once. Never lied to her or did anything behind her back... She began to get odd comments about things that suspected me of her being an alcoholic. I knew she had a crazy tolerance and could outdrink any man, but she had promised me she wouldn't drink. Being as naive as I am, I believed her. There were a few times I worried when she would go out with her friend but I tried to ignore that gut feeling... One night I had a terrible feeling as her mom was out of town and called her up to see what she was doing. Her speech sounded awfully slurred and she wasn't making much sense to anything she said. Being the hot headed man I am, I jumped into my car and drove like a madman to her place. Yup, I showed up and nobody was there... Except her dad. She had thrown a party and got busted by the cops and was in jail. I kept calling her and she kept answering and lying to me even though I knew the truth. Her face was absolutly priceless when her dad and I bailed her out. I was very furious though and put my foot down on the relationship from there on out... Things got better and I thought we had been through the worst. I, like yourself got her a ring. My ring was a promise ring to her that I would love her forever and would treat her as well as I could forever... 1 week later she had sex with a guy she met on Myspace. (Before me, mind you.) Once again, did she confess to this terrible act? Nope, she tried to lie and lie and lie... I tricked her best friend into telling me the truth and she was really screwed when I threw down every single fact to her including his name... It was bad times and things were rocky. Somehow we made it through it though and worked things out. Then I moved in with her this spring and I thought life was gonna be good...

Lemme tell ya something right now... Once a liar, always a liar. Once a cheater, always a cheater... I'm sorry to have to be brutally honest with you but I believe she is hiding a lot more from you than that man. But don't call her out on it. Instead do something better. Catch her in the act of doing anything she shouldn't be. Thats when there is no possible way for them to lie out of it.

Knowing what I know now, I will never trust a woman that lies to me. Never...

My advice to you is catch her in the act of something so you have complete 100% proof that she is doing wrong unto you. Then ditch her... Trust me, its the hardest thing to do but its the best. Nobody deserves lies. I know for me its been almost 6 months since I moved back home and I am still not over her... But in the long run, I will end up with another girl who won't lie to me or cheat on me...

So much for a short response. lol

[Killa]

David so this is your first GF ? I was like you , Im in love with this girl, first time I saw her at school, I was senior that time and she was freshmen, first she was dont like me, but I show her every thing I can do to show her that I love her, even tattoo her to my arm ( I did it with a knife, crazy shit back then ), I try to make this story short aspossible, 2 week later she have a bf, in 2 month I life like hell, I was 17 ( almost 18 ) I drink like a mofo ( that how I got into drinking right now ), one day she call me up and we was hang out, a week later she my gf, that was happy day in my life, I did and get for her almost any thing in the world, we were skip school, do all kind of stuff, after I graduate I gave her a ring ( some cheap ring, that all I can afford that time ) and told her I'll love her forever, after I graduate, she PREGNANT !!!! . her familly convict me to marry her, I cant marry cause I have nothing back then, no job that can afford family or move out. So I reject and I told them, I will married her later when I finish collage,

we broke up after my babe 1 year old, she was having a bf, and move in with him, I was have a gf and fucking around ( nothing serious, just have a gf or I can hang out with and do thing, not into deep relationship, or try to get her pregnant ), I gave my babe mom 60% of my income every week, after couple month we back together ( after I take her and my kid to houston tx ) and now we plan to get MARRIED , YES KILLA ABOUT TO GET MARRIED( I know I skip alot detail, I dont want to write 10 page explaint )

David give that girl space, are you cant give up that girl cause SEX ? we still young, and you about to turn 21 ( i just turn 21 too ), sex alway in our man mind . I knew that one thing I cant gave up my ex. Here few option that you can do.

1: Meet her up and talk to her about your problem, what you dont like and what make you feeling sick.'
2: ask her all the question that you confuse. Listen to her, let see what she have to say, give her time to think about it, dont just forge her to answer your question, and make her coming back to you.
3: if you guy not agree with each other, then just leave ( this is the most harder part, breaking up time, I know you gonna feel lonely and want to call her, even she dont want to pick up, you gonna keep calling her, cant sleep in the night, even cry, cant eat. have all kind of shit in your head.
4: Friend can help you this part, hang out with them, go play game together, drinking, go club,
5. Its time to do wat you like the most, like fix up car, make your can run better, do your hobbie.
6. DELETE HER PHONE #, DONT MESSAGE, DONT TALK TO HER, DONT CALL HER, DONT GO TO PLACE THAT SHE WENT, that gonna remind you about her.
7.Time will tell, like you say, you treat her right more than any other man in the world, eventually her ex will treat her bad, and she will thought about you ( how nice david are,.... cool talon..see david beat another car.... .) if you guy love each other, she will come come back to you, GIVE TIME DO NOT FORGE HER TO COME BACK TO YOU, GIVE HER SPACE TO BREATH, SOME TIME WOMEN HATE THE GUY TOO NICE, SOME TIME YOU HAVE TO BE MEAN TO WOMEN TO MAKE SHE LOVE YOU. AGAIN DAVID LISTEN TO ME, GIVE TIME BETWEEN YOU AND HER !!, do not rush. Let she do what she want, and it time for you to do what you want. Time will tell, IF YOU GUY HAVE SEX, WEAR PROTECTION, DO NOT MAKE HER PREGNANT ( some guy thing, make a woment pregnant can make then stay with you forever, it not true, this is American.)

[NOFX0617]

Man...this has been one of the longest threads ever to read....but seriously man everyone here seems to have been in a similar place as you....I seem to really relate with your situation...I noticed that once I started to resent my ex though that no matter what I did I would always resent her for what she did...you may think that you have forgiven her but it is always going to be in the back of your mind....It might be best to just break up...if things are meant to be then they will...I know its really cliché but its the truth....I can tell from your posts that you are pretty pissed off about a lot of the things she has done...and I would feel the same way....I think it would just be easier to end it now rather than have to wait and find out that she really has been cheating on you....and it always seems that when you break up with them the truth will come out anyway....if you guys break up and she is back with her ex almost right away...then you know what was really going on...Its going to be a hard decision but I wish you the best of luck with it....


Killer also made a good point too....if Sex is one thing that might be holding you back then you should definatly just end it now....and when you do end it....just dont call....if she wants to talk to you then she will.....dont try to force her....and nice guys always get trampled on....so like killer said sometimes you just got to lay the line down....girls sometimes equate being nice with being a pansy....so you need to take control a little bit and show her that you are indeed a MAN....and not a pansy...

[david-b]

She wasn't my first girl friend. Maybe like 41 or so. I've been through a lot and have been dumped and came across many different bad things throughout my life. Been cheated on... I walked in on her and some guy having sex on her kitchen table... I've even been the person they cheated with. I'm not one for commitment, but always been looking to settle down a little.

Sex isn't holding anything back. Not to sound self-centered or anything, but I have no problem with that. I was actually looking forward to a break up by Thanksgiving because this girl I used to work with is coming back from school. But that's a different story.

So the night continued. We fought. She didn't want me over then, even though we were supposed to goto Saw3 with some friends and then a party. She said not to come, so I didn't. She got pissed because I wasn't there then. I drove over, she wouldn't let me into her room then. I sat and watched TV with her parents until she did let me in. When I got in, we yelled a little and she told me to leave numerous times.

She ended up taking off the ring and giving it to me. I stormed out of the room and left. Did a nice burnout from her house to 4 houses down. She called me then and told me to come back, and I flipped out. I was yelling my head off at the phone and she hungout. She kept texting me to come back, and I ended up going to Best Buy and hung around there a little.

I went back and told her it's her move. We talked a little and she started smiling then. She said "no matter what, I can't stay mad at you." After a while, we worked things out. I didn't bring up the multiple kisses just yet. I figure I'll let that one get bigger and I get more proof. When I gave her the ring back at the end of the night, I told her "If this comes off again, it's not going back on." I want to be with her so bad. I just can't call it off, even though it technically happened.

Oh, and once I'm officially broken up with someone, there is no second chance. Never has been, never will be.

[gthompson97]

Not to sound like a dick, but it sounds like she's got you wrapped around her finger like a puppet. Everyone has made good points, but I think the main emphasis that people are trying to make is just take a break from her, if things are meant to be, they will come back together, but you won't know until you two go your separate ways for awhile. And your little "no second chance" thing, you've given this chick what sounds like numerous "second chances."

PS. Killer, that was the best post that I've ever read.

[Eclipse4ever]

Wow, you guys are really supporting one another. Man, feels good when follow DSMer help you. David I hope you make the right decision and also whatever you choose, dont regret it just go foward. By the way, I noticed a lot of guys have problems with girls in this forum. I am also in one BIG mess, but I am late for school so i might type somthing later on.

[shibbiy]

As wrong as this may sound, but just be the asshole. Not too harsh, but dont return some of her calls, dont give her shit, make fun of her in a kind way, and have fun with her. Thats all it takes. If you give her shit, act nice all she will want to do is run away. Atleast thats how I got to understanding the game in the past 2 years of my life.

[eclipsed at 3am]

Originally Posted by shibbiy

As wrong as this may sound, but just be the asshole. Not too harsh, but dont return some of her calls, dont give her shit, make fun of her in a kind way, and have fun with her. Thats all it takes. If you give her shit, act nice all she will want to do is run away. Atleast thats how I got to understanding the game in the past 2 years of my life.

thats a good tactic, honestly, but...im no expert or anything but i think this may have gone past the point where that would work. if she can see that you are upset about her, she would know why you are acting in a spiteful manner, and then she would just turn the other cheek or something, and not really care. next thing you know there change missing off the dresser and your daughter's knocked up, ive seen it a hundred times. (ok sorry that part is from tommy boy). heres my advice, tell her you have some things you need to think about, and that you think that SHE has some things to think about too, and that you should maybe cool things off for a while. be honest with her, let her know you love her, but you just need some space for a while. then totally drop her, no calls, emails, texts, nothing. then during this time period, find out what shes up to. see if she calls you up or texts you or anything. thats the "if you love something let it go" technique. be real nice and kind about the whole thing, but let her know that if it really came down to it, you wont take that kind of unfaithful bullshit.

during that time she may or may not hook back up with that guy. if she does, then it will save you a whole crapload of heartache down the road. if she doesnt, wait a few months(dude it will feel like forever, trust me), and then start calling her again, and start things back up, and see what she is thinking and feeling. if she starts calling you after only like..a couple WEEKS, then maybe shes the one for you.

ps-i didnt see this in any of the posts, but how old are you?

[david-b]

I'm 21.

We're ok right now. We talked today again, I let her do most of it. Just talking and telling me what's going on. She said, again, that she wants nothong to do with him. Why throw what she has away and ruin it all. I honestly don't care how it ends up now. I'm just going along for the ride right now. I'm still checking the emails. And still going to. I know it's wrong, but I think I have a right to do it. She deleted her myspace. She says she's not even going to talk to one of her friends that moved to Las Vegas because he keeps in good contact with her ex, and that's how she knows so much (according to her).

She cried again when I talked to her and appologized out the ass for taking off the ring and giving it back to me last night. She kinda poured out her heart today. She doesn't understand why the world is so cruel and shit like that, about why people treated her they way they did and what it all means. I got that all fixed. We'll see how this ends up.

I do like the idea of basically ignoring her. Only thing is, we text each other all day when we're not around. We both work and are in school and it's all at different times. If I don't text her back when she does it I get another one in minutes. A few weeks... it would be a few minutes.

Each time we've fought before and she doesn't want to talk to me at all, she ends up calling me crying her eyes out saying how she can't be away from me and not not talk to me. She can't even sleep knowing that she's mad at me.

We don't fight often. It was actually into month 4 or so by the time we had our first fight. They always seem big. We had a couple more before her ex came back around then, then it was every day. Once he was gone, everything was fine and we didn't fight again, until just yesterday.

The thing that's a little different compared to most people, is that we didn't know each other before we started dating. I met her, we talked on the phone for like 2 days, met her the 3rd day, and asked her out on the 4th day. She was outside the "group" of friends. I dove in and decided to give it a try. Most girls I've gone out with I've known for a while before we started going out, and a lot of people thought that that's why we have big fights when we do fight. Because we didn't know each other before hand or something like that. I don't know.


Yeah, when I start typing I could write a book...