quickie joke.

[ThatRoundHeadedKid]

haha, that was pretty good frank.

[Franko914]

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly towards a foursome of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men and he, immediately, clasped his hands together over his groin, fell to the ground, and proceeded to roll around in moaning in agony.

The women rushed down to the man, and one began to apologise to him. "Please allow me to help. I'm a physio therapist and I know how to relieve your pain if you'd let me."

"Oh, no, I'll be all right, miss... I'll be fine in a few minutes," moaned the man. Still in pain, still lying in the foetal position, still clasping his hands over his groin, he continued to groan. But, she kept persisting until he finally allowed her to help.

She gently took his hands away from his groin, unzipped his pants and slid her hand inside. She began to firmly massage him and after couple of minutes, she asked, “How does that feel?"

He replied, "It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like a bitch."

[drewh4386]

I love that woman.

[Franko914]

A Chinese couple gets married. She's a virgin and he's not too experienced himself.

Wedding night, she cowers naked under the bedsheets as her husband undresses. He climbs in next to her and tries to be reassuring, "My darring" he says, "I know this your fus time and you berry frighten. Plomise you, I give you anyting you wan, I do anyting jus anyting you wan, you say. So, whatchou wan?" he says, trying to impress his virgin bride.

A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently and eagerly for her answer.

Eventually, she replies, shyly and unsure, "I wan ..... numba 69".

This time, it's his turn to be silent. The, in a puzzled tone he asks, "You wan... Beef wif Broccori?"

[ec437]

Originally Posted by Franko914

A Chinese couple gets married. She's a virgin and he's not too experienced himself.

Wedding night, she cowers naked under the bedsheets as her husband undresses. He climbs in next to her and tries to be reassuring, "My darring" he says, "I know this your fus time and you berry frighten. Plomise you, I give you anyting you wan, I do anyting jus anyting you wan, you say. So, whatchou wan?" he says, trying to impress his virgin bride.

A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently and eagerly for her answer.

Eventually, she replies, shyly and unsure, "I wan ..... numba 69".

This time, it's his turn to be silent. The, in a puzzled tone he asks, "You wan... Beef wif Broccori?"

[Franko914]

This inventor walks up to the barred window of the Patent Office in Wash, DC and notices the bored Patent officer twirling a pencil.

"Excuse me, sir! Sir! I said, excuse me!" The officer walks over and asks, "Yeah, what've you got?" (still twirling his pencil).

Beckoning the Patent officer to come closer, the inventor whispers, "I want to patent my invention. I've invented a fruit!" The officer replies, "Yeah, so have a couple dozen other companies" (still twirling his pencil).

"Yes, but I've invented a fruit with two separate flavours" and proceeds to place a paper bag on the counter. The Patent officer drops his pencil, comes closer, looks in the bag and sees what looks like an apple.

"Go ahead, take a bite!" exclaims the inventor. 'Crunch' and the officer says, "So, it tastes just like an apple."

The inventor smiles and confidently says, "Now try the other side." 'Squish' and the officer exclaims, "Hey, it tastes just like a peach! Man, you're gonna make millions out of this invention!"

"Yeah" says the inventor as-a-matter-of-factly. "I'll make more with this one" and places another paper bag on the counter. "I've invented a fruit that tastes like (whispers) pussy."

"WHAT?!?!" exclaims the officer. He excitedly grabs the paper bag, takes out the fruit (that also looks like an apple) and bites down gingerly, then begins spitting out repeatedly. "This tastes like SHIT!!!"

The inventor smiles and confidently says, "Now try the other side."

[CivRacer95]

I take it the inventor is none other than Willy Wonka?

[fredjacksonsan]

This is one of the best joke threads I've seen on AF.

[xviciousx]

Thread's going so good I'd hate to ruin it with a joke of my own...

[nicecar]

Originally Posted by xviciousx

Thread's going so good I'd hate to ruin it with a joke of my own...

it started with a bad one....

[xviciousx]

Yeah but I don't think most people want it to end with a bad one

[fredjacksonsan]

So don't put a crappy joke in. Find a good one.

[xviciousx]

A visiting professor at the University of Montana is giving a seminar on the supernatural.

To get a feel for his audience, he asks, “How many people here believe in ghosts?”

About 90 students raise their hands.

“Well that's a good start,” says the professor, “Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you've ever seen a ghost?”

About 40 students raise their hands.

“That's really good,” continues the professor, “I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?”

15 students raise their hands.

“That's a great response,” remarks the impressed professor, “has anyone here ever touched a ghost?”

Three students raise their hands.

“That's fantastic. But let me ask you one question further... Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?” asks the professor.

One student in the back raises his hand.

The professor is astonished.

He takes off glasses, takes a step back, and says, “Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have slept with a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience.”

The redneck student replies with a nod and begins to make his way up to the podium.

The professor asks, “Well, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost.”

The student replies, “Ghost?!?” Dang, I thought you said ‘goats.’

[fredjacksonsan]

Joe is sitting on a train across from a
busty blonde wearing a tiny mini skirt.

Despite his efforts, he is unable to stop staring at the top of her thighs. To his delight, he realises she has gone without underwear.

The blonde realises he is staring and
inquires, "Are you looking at my pussy?"

"Yes, I'm sorry," says Joe and promises to avert his eyes.

"It's quite alright," replies the woman, "It's very talented, watch this, I'll make it blow a kiss to you."

Sure enough the pussy blows him a kiss.

Joe, who is completely absorbed, inquires what else the wonder pussy can do.

"I can also make it wink," says the woman. Joe stares in amazement as the pussy winks at him.

"Come and sit next to me," suggests the woman, patting the seat. Joe moves over
and is asked, "Would you like to stick a couple of fingers in?"

Stunned, Joe replies, "Good grief! Can it whistle, too?"