I hate it when you ask a girl out, and she says maybe...

[TheNotoriousMogg]

Plain and simple

maybe = no

[boingo82]

Originally Posted by Neutrino

..
IMO the most anoying is when they want you to rechedule. Which is just another "NO!!! but do please waste more time on my account".

But not always!! The first time my husband asked me out I said yes instantly...then as I was leaving the house the night of my dad asked me where I thought I was going! I was so excited about the date I totally forgot it was my brother's birthday. So I called and rescheduled for the next night (and only 15 minutes before I was supposed to pick him up! I'm horrible). We ended up going out the next night.


My husband told me later that he almost gave up on me because he had heard the "brother's birthday" line before. Lucky for me he gave me another chance.

Yes some women are just making excuses, but there are some of us who legitimately forgot about some important occasion because we were so excited about the date!!!

[Jay!]

I agree with Emily here. She did the right thing. It's totally possible for a woman to have a legitimate excuse, but if she's interested in you, and it's not just an excuse, and she has ANY manners (like you did Emily ), she'll apologize profusely and demand to reschedule the date.

Of course, chronic rescheduling is a bad sign, so the woman should make sure to check her planner next time.

It's when women cancel dates altogether that they're just stringing you along. Don't ask for a third time if the first two never happened. Why go back for more?

[integra818]

It's worse if a girl says she's too busy with school. It means she rather sit through the hell of school than go out with you.

[Neutrino]

I guess you're right there is sometimes, that rare case when the reschedule is based on genuine reasons. Buts it’s been my experience that most of the time they either found some other guy with whom they would much rather go with, or they just did not know how to refuse you or felt bad about it the first time and they just worked up the nerve to say no.


Plus I had so many girls complain to me how all these guys that never get a hint to stop asking them out, that I made it my policy to make it as easy as possible for them to refuse me if they don't want to go out. Basically I ask them out as nonchalant as possible and always add at the end "unless of course your too busy" this way they can just pick up the excuse and we can end the discussion in some amicable "some other time" which of course I know means never. And beyond that first time I will not ask again so they won't feel pressured.


Bottom line: I would just feel too bad to have a girl go to the ordeal of a date they did not want so I make it as easy as possible for them to refuse.

[crayzayjay]

Originally Posted by Neutrino

so I make it as easy as possible for them to refuse.

Oh im sure you make it very easy for them to refuse

[Xv7vX]

How about this one....


ME) Wana go out for dinner some time?

Girl) Well, i have a boy friend, but we can still go out if you want.


Translation.....


Me) Would you like to date me?

Girl) No, but you can still pay for dinner and buy me stuff.

I have never actually got up and walked away from some one in the middle of a conversation, mid sentance mind you. But that time it just felt right.

I dont have time or patience for things like that, or maybe im not good at talking to women. Either way, its more time with my car.

[Neutrino]

Originally Posted by crayzayjay

Oh im sure you make it very easy for them to refuse

Punk

[Jay!]

Originally Posted by Neutrino

Plus I had so many girls complain to me how all these guys that never get a hint to stop asking them out, that I made it my policy to make it as easy as possible for them to refuse me if they don't want to go out. Basically I ask them out as nonchalant as possible and always add at the end "unless of course your too busy" this way they can just pick up the excuse and we can end the discussion in some amicable "some other time" which of course I know means never. And beyond that first time I will not ask again so they won't feel pressured.

Bottom line: I would just feel too bad to have a girl go to the ordeal of a date they did not want so I make it as easy as possible for them to refuse.

You've got it backwards here. You're leaving too many loopholes, and making it look like you doubt that anyone would want to make a date with you. You're sabotaging yourself.

You need to have a clue where you stand before you even ask for a date. You have to pay attention to her degree of interest in you; we already know you're interested in her. You have to watch her behaivior in front of you, while she's talking to you. What she says matters less than how she acts. Watch for any signals of interest, including:
-touching you (even if she makes it look like an accident)
-big smile (not just polite; you'll know the difference)
-prolonged eye contact
-laughing at your dumb jokes
When a woman likes you, she'll give you clues. Not all are the same, but these are some good standard ones...

If you get none of these, then you'll know the answer even before you ask.

Otherwise, you're going to perform a very important test of her interest in you. You will say five words: "What's your home phone number," and nothing more. You will stand silent until she replies, and you'll watch everything she does in those few seconds.

She'll never say "no." One of two things will happen:
-She won't be able to get the words out fast enough. Best case scenario is that she grabs your pen and writes it on your arm, says something like, "You'd better call me," then takes down your home number, too.
or
-She'll give you any number of excuses or substitutions, including, but not limited to: asking for your business card; offering to give you hers; she'll give you her work number, cell number, pager number; something about a boyfriend; etc. This mean's she's not interested.

Even if you get the digits, you have to judge her behaivior in giving them to you. Did she hesitate? If so, there's probably a reason. Women that aren't interested in you don't want you to have their home number.

If you get her number instead of trying to make the date then and there, you gain a degree of power and control in the interaction. Now you both know that you will call her, but now you can do it on your own timeline, not hers. I already wrote that bit in another thread. If you missed it, PM me and I'll give it to you again.

But, the point here is to avoid "maybes." With this you'll weed out a good portion of the women who are only vaugely interested, or are not interested in you, but wouldn't mind a free dinner.

The other part is that when you do ask for a date, don't apologize. Don't do it half-assed. Say, "I want to take you out on a date this Sunday," and you say it like you're choosing her out of your pool of women lined up for the weekend. It's about your confidence here.

Again, PM me if you want more...

[Jay!]

Originally Posted by Xv7vX

I have never actually got up and walked away from some one in the middle of a conversation, mid sentance mind you. But that time it just felt right.

One quick point here: Do always be polite and try to end any conversation with a woman gracefully. You never know if in the next three minutes, her best friend who is hot and single is going to wander by, and this girl would be in the prime position to introduce you.

Even if not, make her laugh with your last line, so that any other women in the area see you being a 'good time' with her. Then if you see another woman two tables over, she'll have already noticed what a good time you already tend to have with women, and you'll already be that much more interesting for it...

[Neutrino]

Well Jay I do that because I would really hate to have a girl go out with me when she doesn't want too.


And your advice is very good but unfortunately in my case I'm oblivious to even rather obvious signs. Plus I have a bad habit of playing it too "cool" I basically give no signs and act nonchalant no matter what. Add to that the fact that I like to tease them with the occasional sarcastic remarks (never insulting though) I've got a few girls rather irritated at me.


Ah well what you can do. Guess some people are better at this that others.

[Jay!]

What can you do? Learn from your mistakes. Wake up!!

What have you gained from being oblivious? Nothing. Perhaps, then, it's time to make a change.


The guy I've learned this stuff from says, "Women don't lie; men don't listen." While women will fail to speak the truth, their actions don't lie. Men then spend all their resources listening to the words and not interpreting the actions. Women won't say, "Hey, I like you," but if they do like you, they'll do what they can to make it easy for you to do the asking.

If a woman isn't interested when you ask her out, you should be able to use the stuff I've written as a guide to see that for what it is. I gave you four specific examples of things a girl might do if she's interested. Don't tell me you're oblivious to the fact a woman is touching you, or that she keeps staring at you with a giant smile and her eyes a-glistening. Read those signs and use them to your advantage.

Maybe you're being too-nochalant and you're coming off as crass or rude, or that you don't care what they have to say. Women like good listeners, and they like to talk about themselves. Ask her questions and shut the hell up and pay attention.

Lay off the sarcasm, unless you're a stand-up comic. Keep any conversation light and positive. Don't talk about stuff that'll give the conversation a negative tone, because when you're talking about heavy crap, you're typically not having fun. When you meet someone, you want them to remember your encounter as pleasantly and as positively as possible.

Look, I'm not trying to break you down just to tell you everything you do is wrong. But really, the whole point of me giving and advice about this at all is to help you see what chronic mistakes you're making. You can weed them out one-by-one if you need to, but all of these behaiviors I've described will help you in the long run, not only with women, but in everything.

Let me help you be better at this. Trust me. If you need more convincing, PM me.

[goat_launcher]

(Sigh) I have to explain everything ...She says "maybe" = no. You slip her roofie = great time

[Dynwolf]

Originally Posted by jay@af

Maybe you're being too-nonchalant and you're coming off as crass or rude, or that you don't care what they have to say. Women like good listeners, and they like to talk about themselves. Ask her questions and shut the hell up and pay attention.

Jay,

Some good points in several of your posts. The above is an excellent point - confidence and non-interest are two items many people get confused. You need to seem confident, as was said before, "as if she was priviliged for you to choose her to go out with."

The thing that worked many times for me before (I'm married now) was a tactic that hasn't been mentioned yet in this forum: When you ask someone out, have a DESTINATION and a TIME in mind. Simply saying, "Hey, would you like to go out sometime?" doesn't usually work with more mature women who like their men to have some direction, so to speak.

As a for instance, say, "I'm going to try out this new Thai (Chinese, Italian, French, Armenian - whatever) restaurant over by ..... Why don't you come with me?" (Obvoiusly, you'll need to "steer" your conversation in this direction of restaurants, cooking or food for this to work.) An alternative could be, "I'm heading over to <insert club name here> this Saturday night to check it out - want to come with me?" The whole point is both to seem like you have a plan in mind as to where and when you'll take her out (rather than statements that include the words "somewhere" and/or "sometime".) This simple idea can work wonders if you change NOTHING else about your approach.

The other area is simply to play the "numbers" game to get some confidence. I have a close friend who always used to say, "Every time I ask someone out, I get rejected." After a few questions, I found out he asks someone out an average of 6-7 times per year. Well, if you're not having any luck, try asking more people out - maybe 12, 24, 36. Even people who you're not sure you're completely "smitten" with. I promise you, you'll get dates, and I guarantee you may find someone you like in that group of women you hadn't expected to find.

Now I don't mean to say you should walk up to every woman you see and ask her out, but if you see someone who you find appealing in the slightest, try to strike up a conversation. You'll get better with practice. (I know, it sounds like all the crap you've heard before, and I felt the same way too. That is, until I started making a concerted effort to talk to more women I was attracted to.) If they rejected me, I simply chalked it up to practice.

But hey, what the hell do I know?

JM

[Jay!]

I agree 110% with Dynwolf. Please, pay attention, boys! This is LITERALLY the stuff I wish I'd known 10 years ago.