9 Deadly Words Used by Women...

[Muscletang]

...or so they think.

1. Fine
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

- What a woman MUST be before she even has a shot at being right. It's usually a long shot, regardless.

2. Five Minutes
If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

- I don't care if rollers are in the hair, "five minutes" is 300 seconds, and if I tell you I have to be somewhere at 8, and you start getting ready at 7, you can expect to hear it. I don't have one of those "I-can't-get-chicks-so-I-do-what-they-say" clocks in my room, though. If she starts getting ready at 7, I'll be there, ready by 7:30 'cause I started getting ready in time. The problem is two-fold: 1) girls underestimate how long it will take them to get ready because they don't want to be honest about 2) their attractiveness on a given day, and what they have to do to enhance/cover up. 299... 298...

3. Nothing
This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

- Arguments that begin with "nothing" usually end there too. When a girl says "nothing," she's saying that she doesn't want to talk, because I don't speak F*cking Idiot. When someting IS wrong, she'll step out of the junior high and talk to you like an adult... unless she's NOT an adult, in which case, I have to ask... Eighteen?

If so,



HIGH-FIVE! Have a fiesta!

If not,



4. Go Ahead
This is a dare, not permission. Don’t do it!

- Once again, the problem is that men allow women to speak in some kind of ridiculous "code" that makes them feel empowered. If they were intelligent enough naturally, they wouldn't need "code." They'd be able to command the language without manipulating its intended meaning... like me. To me, when a girl says, "Go ahead," it can only mean one of two things...

1) Challenge accepted!



OR, 2) PIITB.

5. Loud Sigh
This is not (sic) actually a word but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

- There's no misunderstanding on MY part, so, for the rest of you men out there, let me clarify this as well. A great deal of communication IS non-verbal. But, when a woman flings loose a loud sigh, it only means ONE thing...



Don't feed the animal's ego.

6. That’s Okay
This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. 'That’s okay' means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

- Depending on the context, this can mean a lot of things. It's the answer I ususally expect to receive right before, "Hey, I'm going to the strip club." But, no matter what your request/statement of purpose may have been, your response to "That's okay" should never waver far from: "I wasn't asking your permission."

7. Thanks
A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you’re welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says ‘Thanks a lot’ - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say ‘you’re welcome’. That will bring on ‘whatever’)

- A woman SHOULD thank you... at least, when you do something right. If you consistantly do things wrong, then, don't sweat it. Your woman can thank ME.

8. Whatever
Is a woman’s way of saying F*CK YOU!

- No it's not. It's a woman's way of admitting to everybody involved but herself, ('cause women rarely, if ever, admit any REAL truths to themselves, especially before 30) that she's not capable of "winning" whatever situation her ignorance and stupidity has landed her in this time, so she's trying to end any discussion before she's asked to do things like prove points, and back up statements. If a chick says "whatever" during an argument, keep laying into her. You don't let off of the gas when you can see the finish line, do you?

9. Don’t worry about it, I got it
Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking ‘What’s wrong?’ For the woman’s response refer to #3.

- If it was something the man involved either 1) said he'd do, or 2) is "expected" to do, (i.e. - "man work," also known as "b*tch, stay out of my toolbox") then he should have done it. Otherwise, he should have given her a DoC. (Date of Completion.) If projects aren't finished by their estimated DoC, then yes, the woman actually does have some rights here. A man should honor his word, and should keep women away from tools.

BUT,

if the women in question is capable of doing the work in question, and it doesn't involve your tools, (heh. hooray for Beavis & Butt-Head coming back.) then it's possible she's just being lazy. You should start looking to upgrade immediately.

[fredjacksonsan]

Ha, ha, ha that was great.

I asked my wife one time, early on, if she could read my mind. She looked at me like I was an idiot and said no.

Then I said I couldn't read hers either, so if she expected me to understand what she was saying, she should just say it. Not hint, not beat around the bush, but to actually say it.

She told me that I should just "get it". I replied that perhaps I did get it, but with innuendo there could be several possible "its" and I was not going to play the guessing game. If there are 2 possibilities, guessing wrong is 50% of the time, I told her, and I'm not willing to have that chance of getting things messed up between us. Just tell me what you want to tell me.

We're now coming up on 9 years of marriage and things are splendid.

[MagicRat]

Do men behave like this?

Of course not!






























So imho the gay guys are on to something here (PIITB indeed) ........................... or we can just instead.

[ADme]

haha that was really funny and soooo TRUE!

[Giz1120]

whatever = fuck you.
This is so true, we need to add this in the dictionary.