Fixing Front Grill - 94 Lumina

[sad-lumina-owner]

its a well known fact that the last heterosexual car designer retired or was killed in 1970, leaving the final legacy of the Charger, Challenger, Boss 302, and of course the last Stingray without a screwed up ass end.

Some believe the CIA had all the non-gay car designers killed, along with Jimi Hendrix and the singer for the Doors.

Whatever happened, cars have looked fruity and embarrassing ever since.

But its one thing to note the obvious, and quite another to actually pinpoint what actually makes a car look gay. Gay designers are extremely clever in both preventing any easy fixes (like removing fluffy brake lights), and also in covering their tracks.

The 94 Lumina is a case in point:

Here is the front end of the malformed perversion, in all its gayness:




But what is it that makes this car so gay? I think one key factor is the frilly, flimsy, skimpy, limp-bracelet-like front grill.

What were they thinking? No. We don't want to know.

Unfortunately, just removing the grill piece leaves a hole in the front that makes the car look like an entry in the demolition derby.

Luckily, with a light/bright colored car like the red flamer here, the solution is at hand: A can of black gloss spraypaint, to put back at least some of the balls that have been deliberately gelded off this potential musclecar base:



Its not a complete solution, but it will prevent guys in trucks snickering at you when you are parking the thing at CanTire or Autozone.

[gw84]

lol...c'mon man, that is clearly photoshopped

[sad-lumina-owner]

Originally Posted by gw84

lol...c'mon man, that is clearly photoshopped

Yes, I did that because I didn't have a photo handy.

But just to show you I'm a good sport, here's what it looks like in real life:



Here's an overcast reflective shot, showing the deep richness you can achieve using high gloss, rather than say semi, or flat:



Of course this doesn't remove ALL the gayness, but it does alleviate the condition somewhat.