Helpful hints from Martha Stewart's drunk brother Dave...

[tonioseven]

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto, the blockage will be almost instantly removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

3. You can avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat just by using the sink.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers: Simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use an egg timer.

5. A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from
rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you will be afraid to cough.

7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will
forget all about the tooth ache.

8. Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are:

In life, you only need two tools - WD-40 and Duct Tape.

If it doesn't move but should, use the WD-40.

If it should not move and does, use the duct tape.

9. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

10. Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.


Thought for the day:
SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES ... THEY ARE NOT REALLY GOOD FOR
ANYTHING, BUT THEY STILL BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN YOU PUSH
THEM DOWN A FLIGHT OF STAIRS.

Have a great day; start by getting off of this damned computer and go outside and enjoy life!! T-7 out!!

[2.2 Straight six]

Originally Posted by tonioseven

10. Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.

damn right.

Went to the park yesterday to meet friends, had to piss by a tree twice..

[stieh2000]

:

My favorite is the alarm clock one.

I might actually use that idea, if only for a prank

[-Davo]

Originally Posted by tonioseven

8. Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are:

In life, you only need two tools - WD-40 and Duct Tape.

If it doesn't move but should, use the WD-40.

If it should not move and does, use the duct tape.

QFT

[replicant_008]

"6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you will be afraid to cough."

Try Delhi Belly (aka Montezuma's Revenge) and a dose of baked beans... then let's see you fart with confidence... (or without substance...)

[YogsVR4]

I feel better now

[BeZerK2112]

Well that made my day. Reminds me of murphys laws of combat or any other of his laws.

http://www.murphys-laws.com/murphy/murphy-war.html