The history of the world

[fredjacksonsan]

A Short World History


Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic
hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and
would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer
and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the
beer. These were the foundations of modern civilization and together were
the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:
Liberals and Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of
agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so
while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented,
they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night
while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as
the Conservative movement.

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off
the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the
sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal
movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest
became known as girlie men.

Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the
invention of group therapy and group hugs and the concept of Democratic
voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives
provided.

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most
powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the
jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white
wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well
done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another
interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher
testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury
attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are
liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't
fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for
their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks,
construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate
executives, athletes, Marines, and generally anyone who works productively.
Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work
for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and
decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more
enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in
Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the
Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for
nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history: It should be noted that a
Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before
forwarding it. A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the
absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to
other true believers. And to more liberals just to piss them off.

-----------

[YogsVR4]

Good one

[taranaki]

It's like Republicans themselves. Amusing but somewhat ignorant of the truth.

Side note - why don't more liberals write funny, dirty meaningless crap like this?

[03cavPA]

Originally Posted by taranaki

Side note - why don't more liberals write funny, dirty meaningless crap like this?

(me shrugs) No sense of humor? No imagination? Too busy hating life with conservatives in it?


Nice read, fred.

[taranaki]

Originally Posted by 03cavPA

(me shrugs) No sense of humor? No imagination? Too busy hating life with conservatives in it?


Nice read, fred.

Nah. From what I've seen the average liberal isn't into hating minorities like the conservatives do.Must really suck to be a neocon,they're the latest fringe minority. As for no imagination and no sense of humor, they're probably imagining the '08 result and stifling a hearty chuckle.

Anyways, it's a nice read,in a 'Forrest Gump' sort of a way, but if I thought that Fred actually believed any of the underlying bull crap, I'd have to question his credibility.After all, was it not he that wrote yesterday...

Originally Posted by fredjacksonsan

OK kids, attack the message not the messenger.

[fredjacksonsan]

WHAT credibility?

Can't take credit for that, it was passed to me.

[VR43000GT]

Originally Posted by taranaki

It's like Republicans themselves. Amusing but somewhat ignorant of the truth.

Side note - why don't more liberals write funny, dirty meaningless crap like this?

Because they are too busy reporting it on the news.

Good find Fredjacksonsan.

['97ventureowner]

Gee whiz, I saw the title of this thread and thought it was a discussion about the 1981 Mel Brooks comedy by the same name that's forever in reruns on cable http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/hist..._world_part_1/

[nismogt_rfreak]

All so true (from a metaphorical standpoint).

[blazee]

Originally Posted by '97ventureowner

Gee whiz, I saw the title of this thread and thought it was a discussion about the 1981 Mel Brooks comedy by the same name that's forever in reruns on cable http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/hist..._world_part_1/

I liked that movie....

[Toksin]

Humourous, if a load of narrow-minded bollocks.

[KustmAce]

All politics aside, that was just retarded.

Replace "liberal" and "conservative" with maybe "Australians" and "New Zealanders", its still retarded.

[YogsVR4]

Originally Posted by KustmAce

All politics aside, that was just retarded.

Replace "liberal" and "conservative" with maybe "Australians" and "New Zealanders", its still retarded.

To those with no sense of humor