Thoughts on How to Make the Best of This...

streetrcr45 · #1 11-15-2006, 08:19 PM

Not that any of you care, nor do I expect you to, I'm just looking for some feedback on how to comfort a good friend of mine.

Story:

Friend Calls me at night crying... tells me that his Dad has cancer and now has approximately 1-2 weeks left to live (thats what doctors say, and by the look of him it looks like he only has a few days. He used to be 220lbs..now 110lbs.).

I was wondering if any of you have any experience in dealing with something like this or any advice on how I could go about helping my buddy out through such a hard time in his life. I mean... I can hang out with him and what not, but I don't even know what to say.

I understand there will probably be some "humorous" comments left, and I don't mind, but if you do have something positive or helpful to add I would really appreciate it.

Thank you.

KustmAce · #2 11-15-2006, 08:37 PM

I would start by giving 1-800-SUICIDE a call. I am sure they will be able to give you thoughtful advice about how to talk to your friend.

Igovert500 · #3 11-15-2006, 09:15 PM

Can't say I have experience with people being given a few weeks left to live, but I have lost quite a few people in my life, both friends and family, and I've never really expected people to have the 'right thing to say'. I just appreciate their company and them listening...I think that is the best you can do. When my dad died, my best friend just sat with me. Half the time we didn't even say anything...but he was there, and listening to everything I said.

To tell the truth, the only things that really bothered me, were when people said dumb cliche's like 'i know just how you feel'.

freakray · #4 11-15-2006, 09:18 PM

Just be with your friend and don't say anything, if he wants to talk he will - otherwise be there for company and so he knows he has your support.

My Mom died of cancer a while back, I didn't expect my friends to say anything but I sure appreciated the fact they were around through those weeks.

Nicole8188 · #5 11-15-2006, 09:29 PM

My stepdad died when I was younger, and I agree with everyone. Don't say stupid things, don't even try to talk to him and be sympathetic. Just sit and be quiet and listen to him.

And make sure to bring him food.

elementskater15 · #6 11-15-2006, 09:42 PM

for real, just offer a shoulder to cry on and an open ear. Thats all he really needs. There are no words that can be said to heal wounds like that, only time can fix them

drunken monkey · #7 11-15-2006, 09:47 PM

don't make a point of doing something out of the ordinary for him. i'm pretty sure there are enough people around who do that anyway, whether he likes it or not, especially non-immediate family members.
that sort of thing is always a strangely surreal thing to be going through and sometimes, some sense of normality is all that is needed.

beef_bourito · #8 11-15-2006, 10:08 PM

+1 to all the above. just be there, if he asks you a question, think hard before answering, obviously he'll be very sensitive and you don't want to say the wrong thing.

i think he'll need the most help once his dad's gone. some people deal with this kind of this very well, others don't. i had a friend in junior high who lost his dad, after that he dropped out of school and ended up in jail for armed robery or assault or something. just don't let him do anything stupid.

streetrcr45 · #9 11-16-2006, 01:38 AM

Thank you guys, I really appreciate it.

MonsterBengt · #10 11-16-2006, 05:09 AM

How old is he? My girlfriends childhood friends dad died last week from lung cancer, though she is holding up pretty good. And she's 15. When my girlfriend went to a café with her last sunday, just afew days after he died, they never mentioned her father at all.

I'd say, let him decide how much he want to talk about it, but you lead the conversation so that he can feel relaxed and comfortable with talking with you.

fredjacksonsan · #11 11-16-2006, 08:11 AM

You can't really say anything that will help, except for something like to let you know if you can do anything.

I've known several people that have lost family members, and many of them regretted not saying something to the person before they died. Sounds like your friend will be able to have a final talk with his dad that a lot of other people missed out on.

streetrcr45 · #12 11-16-2006, 08:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MonsterBengt

How old is he? My girlfriends childhood friends dad died last week from lung cancer, though she is holding up pretty good. And she's 15. When my girlfriend went to a café with her last sunday, just afew days after he died, they never mentioned her father at all.

I'd say, let him decide how much he want to talk about it, but you lead the conversation so that he can feel relaxed and comfortable with talking with you.

He's 18... he's one of those kids that just likes to hold everything in though. So it's like he'll let everything build up and then one day he's just gonna crack.

streetrcr45 · #13 11-16-2006, 08:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fredjacksonsan

You can't really say anything that will help, except for something like to let you know if you can do anything.

I've known several people that have lost family members, and many of them regretted not saying something to the person before they died. Sounds like your friend will be able to have a final talk with his dad that a lot of other people missed out on.

Ya, the way he made it out to me seemed like he would too, however when we went to see him, he was like vegetable, constantly slipping in and out of consciousness. My friend was trying to have a convo with him but it was like he kept dozing off and then my friend would try to wake him up for 10 mins and then he finally woke up again.

fredjacksonsan · #14 11-16-2006, 08:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by streetrcr45

Ya, the way he made it out to me seemed like he would too, however when we went to see him, he was like vegetable, constantly slipping in and out of consciousness. My friend was trying to have a convo with him but it was like he kept dozing off and then my friend would try to wake him up for 10 mins and then he finally woke up again.

Yeah, in that situation you just wait for them to wake up again, so they can see you there.

beef_bourito · #15 11-19-2006, 12:12 AM

well today i just got similar news. a good friend of mine just lost a friend of hers. difference is that, other than the obvious fact that it's a friend and not a family member, she's not all that willing to talk about it. kinda sucks because i was just gonna ask her out this weekend, so i'll put that off because it'd probably be a little awkward. I'm obviously not going to try and force her to talk about it, i just let her know that if she ever needs to talk about that, or anything, she can talk to me.

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