Official AF Joke Thread

[Toksin]

Okay, this is the official AF Joke Thread. Post your jokes in here so we don't clog up the forum

Me completely lacking a sense of humour, I don't know any jokes. First person to post a joke gets a cookie.

[Muscletang]

One day suddenly the husband has an heart attack. He says before dying, "When I die, dear, cut off my penis and attach to the wall of our bedroom. When you feel like having sex start pumping on it."
He dies and his wife does exactly what he said.

Three of her neighbors come to know about this. They plan to make a hole in the wall and insert their penis from backside.

The first man tries it. As usual the woman starts sucking and pumping on it.

The second man tries it and the same thing happens.

When the third man tries it the woman comes, cuts the penis from the wall with a knife and says, "Come on, Darling, we are moving to another house."

[2.2 Straight six]

how many emos does it take to change a lightbulb?

3; one to change it and two to write a song about how they miss the old one.

[Toksin]

Originally Posted by 2.2 Straight six

how many emos does it take to change a lightbulb?

3; one to change it and two to write a song about how they miss the old one.

Wrong. None. They'd all rather just sit in the dark and cry about it.

[2.2 Straight six]

Originally Posted by Toksin

Wrong. None. They'd all rather just sit in the dark and cry about it.

stop pissing on my parade!

[VR43000GT]

How do you fit four gay guys on a bar stool?



*You turn it upside-down.

[nissan_240sx]

^
damn thats just not right lol

#1
Hung Chow calls in to work and says, "Hey, boss I not come work today, I really sick. I got headache, stomachache and my legs hurt. I not come work."

The boss says, "You know Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell her give me sex. Makes everything better and I can go to work. You try."

Two hours later Hung Chow calls again: "Boss, I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon. You got nice house."

#2
A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the father.

He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it. The doctor set the pain transfer dial to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before.

But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and bump it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine.

The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point they decided to try for 50%.

The husband continued to feel quite well. Since it was obviously helping out his wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him.

The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain.

She and her husband were ecstatic.

When they got home, the mailman was lying dead on their porch.


#3
A lonely woman, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married. She put an ad in the local paper that read:

HUSBAND WANTED!
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),
MUST NOT BEAT ME,
MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME,
AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!
ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.

On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman with no arms or legs sitting in a wheelchair. The old woman said, "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you.... you have no legs!" The old man smiled, "Therefore I cannot run around on you!"

She snorted. "You don't have any hands either!" Again the old man smiled, "Nor can I beat you!"

She raised an eyebrow and gazed intently. "Are you still good in bed?" With that, the old gentleman leaned back, beamed a big broad smile and said, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"


#4
hehe.
http://dragguam.com/dragboard/attach...0&d=1157531284

[highteknology]

A lady in her late 70s, looking for more excitement in her life, walks into a biker bar. She walks up to a burly man wearing a Hell's Angels jacket. She says, "I want to joing yall's biker gang."

The man turns around and says, "Lady are you crazy?!"
She says, "NO! I seriously want to join. I know you are tough, bad boys but I have been through a lot and think I can hang with you all."

The man considers and ask, "have you ever been in a fight?"
She shows him a scar and explains that she got back in college.

The man says, "One last question, you have to have a criminal background to join us, have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?"

The lady says, "No, but i've been swung around by my tits"

(sorry for the last word, but had to put in the joke for the total effect, feel free to edit if you want)

[my99cavy]

Originally Posted by SL3000gt

How do you fit four gay guys on a bar stool?



*You turn it upside-down.

That is sooooo wrong, but yet sooooo funny.

[ghostrx7]

what did one condom says to another condom while walking by a g@y bar? wanna get sh(tfaced?

[tonioseven]

An elderly couple in a small town had been dating for a long time. At the
urging of their friends, they decided it was finally time for marriage.
Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation on
how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements
and so on.

Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of
their physical relationship. "How do you feel about sex?" he asked.
"Well,"she said, responding very carefully, "I'd have to say - I would like
it infrequently." The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, then over his
glasses, he looked her in the eye and asked








"Is that one word or two?"

[666_speed]

Who makes more money, a prostitute or a drug dealer?

A prostitute, she can wash her crack and sell it again.

[beef_bourito]

what's the difference between 365 condoms and a tire?



one's a good year, the other's a great year

[tonioseven]

RECTUM STRETCHER

While she was "flying" down the road yesterday, a woman passed over a bridge
only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait.

The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, with that classic patronizing
smirk we all know and love, asked, "What's your hurry?"

To which she replied, "I'm late for work."

"Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?"

I'm a rectum stretcher," she responded.

The cop stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher? And just what does a rectum
stretcher do?"

"Well," she said, "I start by inserting one finger, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in. I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch it, until it's about 6 feet wide."

"And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole?" he asked

"You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge..."

[my99cavy]

^hahaha

Originally Posted by tonioseven

"I start by inserting one finger, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in. I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch it, until it's about 6 feet wide."