Looking for some serious advice please

[jon@af]

Ok, My girlfriend and I have been together for around a year and 8 months. It's been a great time thus far. We've had our ups and the obvious downs, but no matter what, we've come out stronger as a couple and continue to keep building, and I love that.

Just this evening, I was talking to a mutual female friend of ours and she told me how she was going to start a bible study. I then mentioned how I myself was looking to get more in touch with my faith and read my bible a little more and build on my relationship with God. So we got to talking and she said that if I wanted to, I could join her group. However, I declined that and said that instead, we could just discuss a random passage once a week or so and get each other's insights.

Cool, I've got something to work with now.

So, I know my girlfriend is going to be a little bothered that this came up with our friend Bethany instead of between she and I, mainly because Bethany and I talked of dating before Tania and I got together. With that in mind, I meant to explain to Tania that I wasn't doing this just so I could disucuss with Bethany and that I would also like to include her, because we've tried things like this in the past together and it never kept up (partially, I think, because I was overthinking my role as a "student" of God and was expecting too much of myself too early--wanting results right then and there).

So, I told Tania about it and she immediately sounded disappointed that I was talking with Bethany about this rather than her, even though it was just something that came up in conversation. And for the rest of the time we were talking on the phone, she sounded really wishy-washy and let down, which bothers me because I know she's disappointed in the situation. However, I really do want to involve her in this and I know she would like to do it as well, as we've talked about it before.

My question is this: Do I continue to gradually talk with her about it and keep giving her the proverbial "ball" to play as she will? Or do I do what I've been thinking about doing and get a devotional book for couples for the two of us so that we might do devotions at night and talk about them together, telling her about this after the purchase to show her I'm putting forth the effort?

I would also like to include the discussions between Bethany and I with her so that I can get different views and also build Tania and I's spiritual communication.

Thanks for any help you guys can offer .

[sameintheend01]

this is one of those situations where a while lie won't hurt -- if you are serious about bible studying and not about hooking up with B. Tell T that you spoke to your priest at home about the bible study idea and he thought it was a great idea --but he suggest that your gf not be a part of the session because of bf/gf issues that may arise (or whatever you think a priest would say in that sit.). Dude, girls are crazy bitches. just get them off your back.

[jon@af]

lol, I think you misunderstood my post a little bit.

I'm with Tania and plan on staying with Tania. Bethany is a good friend of ours who I was talking to today and we got on the subject of bible studies, something I've been thinking about but hadn't put much real thought into until I talked about it with bethany today, which got me thinking about doing one with Tania because I know she'd be interested as well.

However, Tania was disappointed that I didn't talk to her about it first, even though it randomly came up with Bethany in the first place.

So, do I keep trying to talk to Tania about it, or do I surprise her with one of the devotional books for couples I've been looking at?

I'm wanting to work on my relationship with God and would like to do it with my girlfriend, Tania, if at all possible because I think it would be great for our relationship both spiritually and personally. You get me?

[pickle]

I think she just feels excluded/left out. Maybe invite her along? or do something else with her that she thinks is important to you. Or even just the same thing, having discussions about stuff but about a different subject that you both feel strongly about. Maybe she just needs reassurance. Us females are weird creatures.

[-Josh-]

Welcome back pickle.

Jon, just stay the course, do what you think is right but dont exclude anyone from anything, there's no reason for anyone to get worked up about this issue.

[GForce957]

get the devotional book for couples, and talk with her then

[Igovert500]

Ok, this is totally not my subject, as I left Christianity years ago, however, here is my take.

If you are serious about it, and believe in it, any Bible study is a good Bible study. My suggestion would be this, perhaps start out with your friend, but very quickly, talk to your friend about inviting your gf, make sure it is ok with that girl as well. Then buy some relationship devotional and have a private talk with your gf. I think she will appreciate a) teh initiative in looking for a devotional, and b) talking to her about it.

Have an in-depth conversation with you gf, and if at all possible, invite her along. Perhaps an even better approach would be to tell her, yes you have looked into a bible study, but that you most importantly, want her along and involved, then look for a good couples' devotional together. That way you are keeping her both 'in the loop' and involved in any and all decisions.

While religion is obviously an important issue for both of you, you want her along side you, and also involved in that aspect of your life, and you want to be involved in that aspect of her life. Show her that. Ask her to come out, and take her to a good book store, and shop together.

From my friends that are Christian, I can proabably say, that a 3rd person, is a great idea, maybe a pastor would be a better idea than a female friend, but whatever, as long as you make sure your relationship with her is second only to, or as important as, your relationship with God, I don't think she can be upset. If you make sure that is a higher priority, then the bible study with this female friend, then I think she will have a hard time feeling betrayed, and then you will grow together in multiple aspects of your relationship.

Just my .02

[mike@af]

Might just be me, but I see that getting the book could say to her "Oops I made a mistake Im going to try and fix it with material goods". While the book is wonderful idea, I dont think its the right time. Thats just another way to look at it. You know here better than any of us, you have to see which side may fit her best.

WTF...I am giving Jon relationship advice? What is the world coming to?

[-Jayson-]

dude find another person to do that with. Thats just wrong all around. It doesnt matter than you dont want to do anything with her, your GF doesnt need that extra stress. Lets just make up a situation for a minute. Lets say your GF is an adimit runner. And she has another male friend who is an adimit runner. Now lets also say that those two were in the situation at one time to date eachother, but some 3rd party stopped it. Now one day your GF tells you that shes gonna start running with this guy a couple times a week. Would you honestly not have any problems with it? I mean im sure you trust her and wouldnt say anything like no, i dont want you doing that. But deep down inside wouldnt it bother you just a tad bit?