Long, miserable ramblings about life & happiness, take 10,000

[kublah]

This is sort of in reaction to a lot of the threads I've been reading lately, written by people who are in some way dissatisfied with the way their lives are presently going. Whether it be because of work, school, friends, relationships, or any of the innumerable other things that we do, many of us just ain't happy.

As I get older, I'm noticing that my life and my level of satisfaction as a whole is sort of like a sine wave. Long periods of levity, success, and luck rise from nothing, grow, and build up into a beautiful, fast moving crest pushed along by some sort of divine benevolence that keeps me rolling, and keeps my hot streak alive. But after the peak, the energy begins to wane and burn itself out, often times so slowly that I don't even notice it leaving before it's gone. This slowly turns into long terms of loneliness, misfortune, and a kind of deep-rooted, lingering anger about all the crap that's suddenly happening to me, and how everything I touch suddenly turns to dust instead of the gold that I was pulling out of my ass not so long ago. This is where I have been for quite some time now.

At times like these, I pretty much know why I'm personally not happy. I've been trying to address a few of these problems lately, but it seems like all my solutions seem to backfire and leave me feeling even more disheartened than when I started. It seems at times like all I can do is wait these bad stretches out, as any attempt to conciously alter the course of this bizarre cycle will invariably meet with the same fate as everything else I do during that time. Like I'm waiting for a system of low barometric pressure to make its way past my house so I might have a chance at seeing the sun and blue sky out my window in the morning.

At the moment I'm not very happy with my job, I hate the people I live with, and my love life has been flatlined for months in spite of numerous attempts at difibrilation. But on the other hand, I've got a loving family, a handfull of good friends that I would trust with my life, and I make enough money to support all the hobbies and things that I've buried myself in to keep busy. Why aren't these things enough to keep me from being as depressed as I get at times like this? I value these things that I do have (besides the money) more than just about anything I lack, so how do these other things still manage to keep me feeling so lousy when they're not going well? I'm sure there are tons of people out there who would love to trade problems with me and don't feel sorry for me at all. SO WHY CAN'T I STOP FEELING SORRY FOR MYSELF?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

How much of a person's happiness is their own concious choice, or at least a product of the concious choices that they make? Does it just come and go on its own whim, or is any and every attempt to fix the things that make you unhappy not simply justified, but an urgent priority that you must do no matter how frustrating the results may be? Or am I just an idiot for not being able to let all the wonderful things that I do have outshine all the things that have been driving me so completely out of my mind?

I feel like the only time when I really know where I am in this whole cycle is when I'm at the bottom of the trough, and I know that things suck and will likely continue to suck for quite some time. I don't think I've ever been good at appreciating the present when things are going right. All I ever want to do then is carelessly feel the rush of that wave pushing me forward and close my eyes so I can't see the signs that the wave might be breaking into the dark, foggy nonsense on either side of me.

[Firebird]

that does sound pretty bad, and I have no instant fixes to your problem. I do however have some small advise and I hope if nothing else it is at least slightly useful to you. You were quite correct in saying that what you feel is what many others here are feeling, I've been there too (I'm sure we all have at one time or another).

My advise to you is to start small and don't search for an end, if you try and force life to be better it's just about impossible. Start by waking up everyday and saying 10 thinks that you are thankful for, these don't have to be big things, "I'm thankful to be alive", I'm thankful to have good friends", I'm thankful that I'm not sick", etc. if bad or negative feelings arise don't push them away because if you do they will just come back later. So when they show up examine them and try to understand them, and when they leave let them leave don't try to keep hold of them even if you don't understand them fully, just let them go.

Other advise would be to talk to your friends when you have problems if they are as good of friends as you say they will listen carefully to what you have to say and will not be judgemental, even if they don't have anyadvise for you at least you got your problems out in the open. And sometimes just hearing yourself say whats bothering you will allow you to see whats wrong and figure out how to fix it.

Lastly and something I think is very important (even thought it is probably the hardest thing to do) is don't go into every situation expecting it to turn out a certain way when you do you are setting yourself up for dissapointment if it doesn't turn out exactly the way you want it. Other than that just relax most things that we make a big deal out of really aren't that big of a deal it's just that we play a situation over and over in our heads all day so it becomes a big deal whatever it maybe, even if it started out as something small, like getting cut off in traffic, or having someone yell at you at work. I hope this helps you, I wish you the best of luck. -Justin

[Mr2Spyder2828]

I think that for these peoriods in your life, it would be interesting to set up a video camera and tape yourself. Tape yourself explaining to the camera everything that bothers you and just let out all of your feelings toward life. Once you have spilled out your true thoughts about life and how you feel about what has happened to you, I would go back and watch the tape in private and see what I think of myself, as if you were watching someone else on tv. I think it can help to step outside your body and look at yourself from a different perspective. I think this video tape approach could help you find flaws in yourself that you could not see before. It could help you see the fault in your logic and help you to correct what is going wrong in your life.

I often wonder why I cant be happy with what I have. Why cant I just be happy and laugh at what is happening to me at this point in my life. I realize that there are people who do have it worse than me but for some reason this does not bring up my spirit. Then I come to somewhat of a conclusion that I am feeling guilty, guilty that I am not where I am suposed to be in life, or guilty for something I can remember I did. I carry this burden on my shoulders almost every day and I wish I could let go of this feeling and through this bag on my shoulder away.
Well just my